to think I'm not being a drama queen and wasting NHS resources over my 2 yr old?

[PeppaPug]

When my 2 yo had her 2 year check, the HV was concerned about her speech, eating and lack of growth and asked to see her again 3 months later. At that appointment she said she'd been concerned about ASD at the 2 year check, but because she'd seen DD point out a colour to me and give me a plastic cake at the subsequent appointment, she was no longer concerned

I've asked for a second opinion and told my friend this (when asked how it went) today. She said in no uncertain terms that I'm being a drama queen and wasting NHS resources because one professionals opinion is adequate. However, I think my concerns warrant further investigation and that I'd be letting DD down if I just left it. Some concerns I have are:

She has never had more than three words anyone could recognise. The words she does have are never retained. Mummy was her first one but she can't say it anymore She'll learn a new one every few months and though it's repeatedly every day, she'll one day no longer be able to say it.

She has a very restricted diet of four foods in the same form. She won't try anything new and some days barely eats.

She struggles in social situations - she hates the prospect of unwanted touching and would rather fall down the stairs than even someone well known to her pick her up or touch her. If someone blocks her way or unexpectedly touches her it makes her distraught to the point of having to leave places. For example, we went to an adventure playground a few months ago and as she was about to use the slide another child started climbing up it. She was screaming and flapping and the other child squeezed past her at the top. I took DD off and she was inconsolable to the point of having to go home. We went back at the weekend but when we got to that slide she remembered what happened before and got extremely upset again.

There are other concerns, but these are my main ones. Of course they could be normal toddler things, and I hope they are, but then again they might not be. I was feeling justified in asking for a second opinion until speaking to my friend today but now I'm doubting myself. What do you think, AIBU?

YANBU. Your 'friend' is.

Isn't 2 too young to diagnose anyway?

I think your friend is being a bit harsh. YANBU to ask for a second opinion if you have concerns.

Your friends the one who's wrong!!

Drs get things wrong all the time, symptoms aren't always visible over one appointment and it can take moths if not years to figure things out.

It's certainly not a waste of resources if it gets a child the assistance they need as earky as possible.

YANBU.

A 2-year development check at nursery would flag up any concerns the staff have, and you are simply doing the equivalent of that.

From the experiences of friends who have then had to pursue speech therapy etc, there can be a wait of a few months or more for that. Which can push you close to school-starting time for summer-borns, so in that sense time is of the essence, as you do want any issues picked up before they start school.

What assistance tho? At 2 how can you get a good picture of what is just 2 year old behaviour or more?

YANBU at all. Your friend is unreasonable, not to mention totally unsupportive.

You are not wasting NHS resources (but you might be wasting your energy on that particular friendship!).

I would have taken her to the GP before her 2 year old check if she was presenting like that, so I definitely don't think you are over reacting.

First step a hearing test? If that's normal, then request SALT input. They're very good (usually) at picking up signs of ASD, and referring them on to community paeds. But a SALT referral is probably rather easier to get (and is one of the integral parts of an assessment for ASD anyway).

Yanbu at all definitely tell GP your concerns and ask to be referred to a community paedritrician.

SoulSister although some children show more signs as they get older, in lots of cases a reliable diagnosis can be made by the age of 2.

Don't wait. Ask your GP for a full assessment as per the health visitor's concerns.
It us never too early to get assessments. Hopefully it will be toddler behaviour but if there are any issues it's best to find out as early as possible.
Early years are crucial p.

Trust yourself and don't let anyone (friend or professional) fob you off- you'll only regret it later.

Be prepared to be rude and pushy if you have to. Sadly it is completely worth it.

Not a very nice friend OP :(

YANBU I remember years ago calling out a gp. He drove a 55mile round trip and the ill child had recovered quite speedily so when the gp arrived I was very apologetic. He told me to never apologise for asking a doctor to check out a child. The expression "mother knows best" came from somewhere. He said he never ignored a mothers instinct. You do what you think your child needs.

Oh, how I wish my mum had sought a second opinion instead of just putting all her faith and trust in her GP.

YANBU. This is what the NHS is there for and is not a waste of money.

Of course you're not wrong to get a second opinion. Do it.

I had similar concerns about my dd. I felt that she lost words etc. I flagged it to hv who did assessment. Said that at that stage not overly concerned but because I was worried quite happy to refer me. We saw a paediatrician and she was happy. It put my mind at rest. She did have mild speech delay and had speech therapy. It hasn't affected her. She is 9 now and talks for england.

The thing is. I was worried and thst was enough for a referral. Your hv has seen your dd in a snapshot. You are her mother. Follow your instincts.

Your friend is a twat and not much of a friend

Health visitors are not trained to make diagnostic decisions about ASD so YANBU. The reasons your has given for discounting ASD are not good ones. My DDs both have AS and both used to point to colours/pictures in books. Not pointing is a red flag but pointing doesn't mean it is not present.

If you have concerns about your child's development it is completely appropriate that she is assessed by professionals who are qualified to do so. Ignore your friend and do what you need to do to either put your mind at rest or get your DD a diagnosis and early support.

My Hv referred ds1 at aged 2 for asd as he showed some signs. He went to some socialisation classes, and was monitored though play school then preschool, signed off at 4/5 as confirmed he'd outgrown many asd traits but still showed adhd qualities. It's never too early to get in the system and have some support. ,it was great for me to meet other parents with same issues ds1 had/has. If your worried go to your gp.

Thanks all. Friend said DD is 'probably just shy' I have other DC too, one of whom was very shy for years but DD is different. The look of panic on her face when someone approaches her is like actual terror and she has no qualms with screaming rather than just shying away as a shy child might.

She has always been high needs andhas so many more quirks than I've ever known a child to have - I.e. Same plate for every meal, she has a particular page in a book she will study for up to 30 mins at a time, sheacts like loud noises cause her pain, she hates things moving around her - I.e. Cars, toys that moveif you press a button etc. She has a bag of belongings that she carries from room to room, emptying and arranging them in the same order then gathering them up every time she leaves the room only to empty and arrange them again in the next room. Any deviance or interruption to this (I.e. The dog accidentally knocking one out of place) causes hysteria.

You should ask for a second opinion and push for it if you have concerns. You are not wasting NHS money. Not every hetb professional is right every time.

That settles it. You have other children to compare her with.

For your peace of mind I would talk to someone ASAP.

Your friend is deluded. Firstly, I'd not listen to a word the HV said. They are at best useless, at worst fucking dangerous.
Secondly, if you're concerned then take her for an appointment. You're her mum. You know her, what harm can it do?

loud noises probably do cause her pain. ds's consultant was insistant on thatbut as I have similar difficulties myself I know.

anyway, ds can pass me things and has some sort of imaginitive play. he plays cafes with dd. he stil has an ASD diagnosis with sensry processing disorder.

the first community paediatician though that ds did not have asd, and she specialises in sorting out which children she thinks should get sent into the diagnosis process. ASD is usually diagnosed with a series of tests, eg ADOS , bot just the casual observation of a health visitor.

don't listen to your friend. you are waving a whole load of red flags about. ok so it may turn out they were a lesser shade of crimson on closer examination but in the mean time get a specialist opinion buy asking for a referral from your GP.

write all the things down you have mentioned. google and see if you get other ideas of things that are just normal to you but are signs. you will need this list many times over.

go over to special needschildren board as well fro excellent advice.

Has she had an hearing test?

Some of those things ds, who has glue ear, has issues with.
Because he can't hear very well he does panic if someone he doesn't know approaches as he worries they'll say something he can't hear, and he used to react badly if someone approached from behind/a side and touched him-because he had no idea they were there until they touched him. Loud noises cause him pain (something to do with a muscle that is meant to dampen down the ear drum doesn't work properly when he's bad).
His concentration generally isn't brilliant, but something he loves/enjoys he can go totally into his own little world-because there's no sound to distract him.

Always get a second opinion if you're worried, why does your friend know better than you? Answer is she doesn't.