to think I'm not being a drama queen and wasting NHS resources over my 2 yr old?

[PeppaPug]

When my 2 yo had her 2 year check, the HV was concerned about her speech, eating and lack of growth and asked to see her again 3 months later. At that appointment she said she'd been concerned about ASD at the 2 year check, but because she'd seen DD point out a colour to me and give me a plastic cake at the subsequent appointment, she was no longer concerned

I've asked for a second opinion and told my friend this (when asked how it went) today. She said in no uncertain terms that I'm being a drama queen and wasting NHS resources because one professionals opinion is adequate. However, I think my concerns warrant further investigation and that I'd be letting DD down if I just left it. Some concerns I have are:

She has never had more than three words anyone could recognise. The words she does have are never retained. Mummy was her first one but she can't say it anymore She'll learn a new one every few months and though it's repeatedly every day, she'll one day no longer be able to say it.

She has a very restricted diet of four foods in the same form. She won't try anything new and some days barely eats.

She struggles in social situations - she hates the prospect of unwanted touching and would rather fall down the stairs than even someone well known to her pick her up or touch her. If someone blocks her way or unexpectedly touches her it makes her distraught to the point of having to leave places. For example, we went to an adventure playground a few months ago and as she was about to use the slide another child started climbing up it. She was screaming and flapping and the other child squeezed past her at the top. I took DD off and she was inconsolable to the point of having to go home. We went back at the weekend but when we got to that slide she remembered what happened before and got extremely upset again.

There are other concerns, but these are my main ones. Of course they could be normal toddler things, and I hope they are, but then again they might not be. I was feeling justified in asking for a second opinion until speaking to my friend today but now I'm doubting myself. What do you think, AIBU?

I don't even have kids but YANBU at all, and your friend can sod off.

Yanbu. A hv is in no way trained to diagnose or exclude asd . Ruling it out on the basis of pointing pretty much sums it up.

what I would do: go to GP with a list of concerns and demand a referral to a developmental paediatrician. Do not accept a fob off or a wait and see you in x months.
get a referral for a hearing test.
self refer to salt (GP surgery should have the number).
not sure you are wasting time on your do called friend.

I would also want further assessment with what you describe. You have concrete reasons and are concerned, this needs addressing. It's never a waste of resources when this us the case. Even if nothing shows up now I would hope it gets you some advice in supporting your DD.
Your friend obviously hasn't got the full picture like you, thinking kindly she might think she is reassuring you?

From what you have said you do have cause for concern and are absolutely right to seek a referral. Ignore your friend she is talking rubbish.

No yanbu two was about the age I started having concerns about my son he was three and a half when he was diagnosed with asd and learning difficulties .

Yanbu

Your LO sounds like my friends dd of similar age, she has very little speech, and other issues similar to yours, she is currently being assessed by docs etc

Keep pushing for help as tbh doesn't sound right x

but your health visitor should nt be ruling anything out your daughter may or may not have asd but a health vistor cant diagnose this as others have said ask to be referred to a paediatrician .

YANBU and your 'friend' does not sound like much of one. As Goldmandra said, health visitors (while important in their own right) are not qualified to diagnose ASD or similar, so I would be pushing to get referred to a paed. if I were you. We know that early interventions are very positive so whatever her needs may be, the earlier the better. Perhaps there are no needs but peace of mind is worth it IMO.

Your not being a drama queen.Your friend was being horrible to say that to you.

I have 5DC,two of our LO's are autistic,I've also worked with children in the past that were at different levels on the autistic scale.

Follow your instincts and get a second opinion.Push until your concerns are listened to and addressed.

It took 6 1/2 years to get a diagnosis for our nearly 13 year old DS even though it was obvious that he is autistic.He's been registered disabled since and get's all the help he needs at school.He goes to a mainstream school and is thriving,he's a very popular little boy and is top of his year in all his subjects

When he was little he had a very limited diet,now he has a very mature pallet.He couldn't stand crowds or noise and would only make eye contact with me and his two big brothers when he was little.That's all changed.Thanks to me realizing he was autistic from a young age and seeking advice and following special exercises with him and adjusting my parenting style to his extra needs and then getting a diagnosis and getting him support through school.

Our youngest DD6 was diagnosed before she was 3,her autism is a lot more severe than her big brothers and she also has problems with her legs and her stomach as well.The difference it has made to her early experience in Nursery and School is huge and brilliant all because her diagnoses didn't take years to get.