To expect some alone time with DH in the evenings.....

[MrsTeeTotal]

.... we have 4 kids - 10, 8, 2, 1! The babies are a doddle, in bed at 7pm and sleep til 6.45/7am. 10 yo also easy, goes up at 9pm, reads/writes/faffs quietly for half an hour and then goes to sleep. Now the 8 yo ds.... Omg. Goes up at 8.15. Comes down, goes up x 10. In, out, in, out. Last night we watched an hour episode of suits. It took us 3 hours to watch it! She has been a nightmare to go to bed for AGES! I'm at the end of my tether. Have tried - reading to her, ipad, later bed time, laying with her, shouting, being nice, being angry, cuddles.... you name it. For the love of god why won't this child go to bed/sleep!

Help. Please!!!!

Oops 8 yo is dd not ds!

You can't make her go to sleep; you can say "Barring fire or medical emergency, you belong in your room at least trying to rest from Xpm onwards, and not keeping to this will lead to loss of treats". Have had to use this occasionally on mine, it does work when they realise you are serious.

If either of mine come out, I'm consistent in my response- always cross. I repeat 'it's grown up time' and say absolutely nothing else. Works for me.

Because it gets her some attention? iPad, reading, later bedtimes...all very nice thank you very much. Try 'if you don't sleep tonight then I think you must be over tired so you will be going to bed 10 mins earlier each night until you can go up and stay up'.

But bear in mind that once they get a bit older, they will be down in the evenings too- that's what happens when you're a family!

one of ours is like the we basically ended up saying 8pm you go upstairs and go to your room quietly, do what you want until you are tired but dont come downstairs!

What is she getting out of bed for? Mine are only allowed out of bed for the toilet, and I'd shout if they needed that more than once- barring a dodgy stomach. Water is by the bed, and there is no other reason to get up.

What are the consequences for getting out of bed? If mine mess about after lights out they go to bed half hour earlier the next day with no reading time. Consistent and simple.

Why would they be down in the evenings when they're older ?

Our teenagers still have to go up to their rooms at 9 so we can have adult time. It's not like theyre locked in a cupboard - and they're not massively more interesting between 9 and 11 than they were earlier

And I don't hang around their friends when they're here. And we watch adult programmes they're not allowed to watch like the current favourite 'Breaking Bad '.

When they get to 18 and are old enough to watch anything our Skybox offers we'll go up to bed for adult time and tv - until then after 9 the sitting room is an adult place.

I did the same as others have said, in your room and quiet from x time. My other dc have always been easy but dd2 has never been a sleeper. Even now at 16 she sleeps less than I would expect. The staying in the room rule was accompanied by a rapid return approach, no conversation etc just back to bed. Once that was established and working I introduced room at x time then in bed at y time (reading, dvd, story writing etc) we finally got her midnight sleep time to 9pm by the age of 9 but it was a long steady process.

"Our teenagers still have to go up to their rooms at 9 so we can have adult time"

Really? How very strange! Don't you spend time together as a family?

Of course, earlier - they are home the rest of the time.

There's no way you're telling me you let your children watch any and all adult tv?

She's getting out of bed for : scared, hot, cold, scared, are we still there?, don't feel sick but what if I am, scared again, nightmare (even though not yet been asleep), wants mummy cuddle, wants daddy cuddle, heard a noise, our TV is too loud, can we turn TV up so she knows we're still there, are we still up, is ds in bed, dry mouth, can't sleep...... That's a few.

We've tried removing privileges, taking toys/Xbox away, cancelling play dates. Also tried reward charts.

It's a bit weird to insist teenagers are in their bedrooms from 9 onwards. How many programmes can you watch that a teenager couldn't?

Oh, no bedtime is age appropriate here. I don't see teens as any less part of the family than anyone else. If they want to be downstairs until bedtime they are welcome, it's their home! I thought everyone out at x o clock was something that went out years ago?

Sorry OP, got distracted. The going to bed earlier each night might work.

Well they don't have to stay in their room , there are other rooms - but since their bedrooms are like pleasure palaces they tend to

The answer to your question is one or two programmes of adult tv - there's plenty to watch that's unsuitable in my opinion ( and I'm a carer so I have to legally keep within the age certificates) so any 18's basically - that covers a lot of tv like Hannibal, Dexter, Breaking Bad

”Of course, earlier - they are home the rest of the time.

There's no way you're telling me you let your children watch any and all adult tv?"

Ah. Well, evenings do not just mean TV to me. And even if it did, I can't thing of anything much I'd want to watch that my teens couldn't watch too if they wanted to. And anyway, since when has the living room been off limits to 50% of the people in the house?

We are the same as penis es.

Our dd is 11 and she goes to bed at 8.30 and is allowed to read for an hour before lights out - at the weekend or hols it might be 9 pm bedtime if there's something we are watching together. It's important for adults to have time alone. Everyone needs "down time".

I'd just keep putting your dd back to bed and saying bedtime over and over and over. Difficult and tedious I know. ...

Mrstee do you respond to all those things? My answer to all of them would be (getting up once) answer - now bed, you know the rules, (up twice) bed, (up any more) bed with appropriate hustling back up the stairs. No response to tears, tantrums or anything else. I must admit it's tough not to respond to some of those - which is why she asks them I'm sure

Well, when there's 2 other reception rooms they could go in and their bedrooms have lots of teenage 'toys' like game consoles, computers , etc plus IPhones I guess it's not much of a problem

There is nothing wrong with having some adult time in the evenings. Nothing at all.

And sometimes I like to watch things I wouldn't want a young teen to watch.

Blimey.

I'd be absolutely firm. No cuddles- back to bed. She wants attention and she's getting it.

No ipads, no reading after agreed time, no laying with her. Bed.

One clear consistant punishment. 'Tried everything' just means you're not sticking to things. But you MUST carry it through. So, she goes to bed at 8.15- gets up, fine. Bed at 7.45 tomorrow. Gets up- bed at 7.15 tomorrow. You need to be prepared to carry it through every night- if she thinks you'll give in and let her off, she has no reason to stay in bed.

Thanks, some really useful and thought provoking comments here.

She DOES have anxiety issues, I know that. Her and DS 10 have a playroom, I am beginning to wonder - prepares to be flamed! - if I should just let them hang out in there, playing, ipad-ing, writing etc until either they are tired or until we go up to bed (at 10pm ish).

My teens are always in the TV room (only have one TV)
The 4 boys (inc DH) watch sport. DD 18 (off to Uni soon) is usually out with her friends, or in the kitchen with me.
DH & I have been married 22 years. I almost always go to bed B4 DH & DS 16. I work 4 evenings a week anyway, can't remember the last time we had an evening alone, was years ago I think.
We manage just fine, & when we do grab 20 minutes together we always have masses to talk About.

Different strokes chicky. I don't work in the evening, instead I'm with the teens from 3 - dh gets back about 7 ish and adult time is 9-11 during the week.

And no one watches sport

Folk just do it different.