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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what actually helped when you were suffering from depression?

169 replies

iamelectrogirl · 25/08/2014 02:32

Hi, quite a self explanatory title really.
Just wondering if there was anything that really made a difference to you when you were suffering from depression.
I'm really really struggling right now and I can't easily take Anti-Depressants due to pregnancy/ breastfeeding plans. I'd really like to hear if anything helped from anybody with any experience
Smile

(Chose this forum due to high traffic but can delete/move)

OP posts:
Laptopwieldingharpy · 25/08/2014 14:51

Just to follow up on surf's post….yes absolutely to probiotics and cleansing the gut. Depression require life long management. That is also one of the things you need to come to terms with sooner rather than later.
Have been reading a lot on the gut-brain connection
it makes a lot of sense. And its something you can be pro-active about as long term management.
Imagine you are dealing with diabetes or multiple sclerosis. Its an imbalance in your body that you need to learn to manage long term. Ward off if you can or manage physical symptoms when there is a flare up.
Good nutrition, appropriate sleep patterns, exercise, routine etc are all tools you need to learn to use to keep it at bay.

Agree wholeheartedly with those who say that if you feel you are on the brink see your GP, get referred and take the meds. But in the long run, if you have it in you to hang on day by day (and God knows how extraordinarily resilient we can prove to be if we accept the challenge one day at a time), try exploring good life hygiene, nutrition, supplements etc….
Do talk to your GP anyway. Its good to know someone is already aware and watching your back if you ever feel you need urgent care.
X

enormouse · 25/08/2014 14:58

Fluoextine - really gave me the boost I needed to make good changes to my life
Eating well - fruit, veg and lots of water. I'm also cutting down on caffeine
Exercise - I'm doing c25k which is helping me get out the house regularly
Sleep - not always great but I've been given tamezepan and its slowly improving
Recognising when I'm tired and need to stop pushing myself
Spending time doing what I like - reading, having a bath, sketching, listening to music, watching dvds etc. Basically, doing the stuff I've always enjoyed but have let fall by the wayside.

Laptopwieldingharpy · 25/08/2014 14:58

ppeatfruit I can only imagine that with the amount of pain you allude to it sounds futile……

chickensaresafehere · 25/08/2014 15:00

I found anti-depressants to just be a sticking plaster & hated the side effects .
CBT is currently working wonders for me & I'm so glad I sought it out,as I was losing hope Sad
Also walking the dogs everyday & kundalini yoga.

StarSwirl92 · 25/08/2014 15:03

Validation. Someone who told me that I felt bad and that wad Ok because it wasn't my fault. There wasn't something I was doing causing it. I just felt this way and I could do things to make it better but that didn't make it my fault. People who accept depression and don't blame the person who is depressed are worth their weight in gold.

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 25/08/2014 15:20

totally agree starswirl92 i have had so many friends try to 'fix' me or unable to understand why i can't just look on the bright side and cheer myself up that it just confirms exisiting feelings of failure. self acceptance is key to battling depression, its so hard to acheive at a point when you loathe yourself though.

OP i hope you are ok and finding some helpful advice here or at least feeling that you are not alone

Original poster
iamelectrogirl · 25/08/2014 15:21

Thank you so much for everybody that's responded- I can't believe that so many people took the time to share but it's very very appreciated.
I'm just writing down a list of everybody's suggestions so I can work through it later and see what I find helpful- I'll also tell my midwife and try to get a dr's appointment to talk about some medication.
Again, thankyou everybody for all of the support Smile

OP posts:
SunshineEski · 25/08/2014 15:35

I found that some days if i couldn't manage actually leaving the house I would open the front door for a while and listen to the birds/breathe in the fresh air etc, it used to take a lot of time to build up to that. gradually i would build up and go for a run if i fancied.

I still take ADs and have up and down days and periods where I feel like it is all coming back but the funny little things like the fresh air help, along with always having books read in the house and always having ingredients to bake with, that way if you find you have the energy to do something there is nothing stopping you.

it will pass

RuckAndRoll · 25/08/2014 15:45

Definitely talk to your MW. I was very lucky and there is a brilliant Perinatal MH team in my area so was seeing someone whilst pregnant, and taking ADs during pregnancy and breastfeeding.

I've found counselling, time, rest, and a supportive DH have been brilliant.

meggy22 · 25/08/2014 15:51

Exercise
Getting out of the house every day
Eating healthy
Organising
Making plans to do things
Talking to friends/family about anything except my mood/problems
Avoiding spending time with negative ppl if possible

Hope you feel better soon

ChangelingToday · 25/08/2014 15:52

For me walking is the only thing that works. I go for long walks by myself by the sea. If I don't get out a few times a week I get very low.

ChangelingToday · 25/08/2014 15:53

Oh yea and avoid negative people as other posters have said too. I've stopped going to il's house and not seeing mil every week has made such an impact!

ManuscriptsDontBurn · 25/08/2014 16:16

Haven't read all the replies, adding my experience:

When my dog was alive, she was my lifesaver. In a way people, even loved ones, could never be.

Going out for a walk in the park - the tough bit was getting out; not always possible in the dark days.

Medication - at times it was the only way.

Therapy - but i went through some really crap therapists before i found a fantastic one.

I know it doesn't mean much now, but it does, it does pass, and life becomes not just bearable but also beautiful (or just okay!)

DiaDuit · 25/08/2014 16:16

long thread and probably been said already but these are my daily survival tips to stave off and get me back from an episode of depression.

firstly, eat well. you may not always feel like it but on those times when you do, make double and freeze healthy, tasty meals that you will look forward to eating. I found one of the main reasons my diet went downhill whilst depressed was that I would get to dinnertime ad have bought nothing due to indecision about what I wanted. really because I had no appetite so didn't actually want anything. it helped to know that there were 3/4 of my favourite dishes in the freezer that I could just reheat. no effort/energy required. very good when energy was at an all time low.

  1. get good sleep each night. have a routine. whether that be bath, read then bed or yoga then bed. whatever. as long as you are getting good quality sleep each night. your mornings (which set the tone for the day) will start out far better if you have had enough sleep.

  2. take a few minutes when you wake up each day to get your bearings, wake up slowly, read something inspirational, drink tea/coffee/juice, recite a mantra that gives you some positive feeling, do some wake up yoga. even just five minutes to yourself before you start doing things for other people.

  3. shower/bath every day. when I was really bad with depression I wasn't doing this and it mad me feel even worse. less inclined to leave the house and so become even more isolated and depressed. works best for me if I do it in the morning as I don't feel ready for the day til I am showered and dressed.

  4. get outside. I find the earlier in the day this happens the sooner I feel 'normal'. even if it's just drinking my tea in the garden and listening to the world waking up. have a dander about and stretch your arms and legs and take slow deep breaths of the fresh air.

  5. exercise. again, the earlier this happens, the better I feel. even just a 15 minute walk.

  6. talk to people. either have people over to yours or get out to the corner shop and just have some chit chat. it really helps. even the school run helped me, chatting for 30 seconds at the gate to another mum I didn't know very well made me feel normal. make plans to see people you like. I used to try and plan all my errands for one day to avoid having to go out too often but now I do one a day means I am forced to go out every day and talk to people. it really helps and isn't so much of an effort after a very short while

(no's 5, 6 and 7 can all be combined- brisk walk to the shop/park/school/wherever)

  1. join a support group/see a counsellor or even just find support in friends who have been there. (there are so many people who have!) it is important to talk these feelings through and feel validated.

  2. go easy on yourself. accept that you are ill and there will be things you will struggle to do and days you wont feel like doing much at all. this is all fine and part of the illness. it isn't possible to tell from one day to the next how you will feel so don't be too hard on yourself if you feel you need to cancel plans as you just aren't up to it.

CagneynotLacey · 25/08/2014 16:37

I've noticed that quite a few people have mentioned avoiding spirits - why is that? I know that all alcohol is a depressant but are spirits particularly bad?

ppeatfruit · 25/08/2014 16:44

Cagney Spirits are so much stronger and affect your liver much worse than the odd glass of red wine or beer. The liver is the seat of our emotions. It's easy to become addicted to the shots that a lot of people neck without a thought when bingeing.

KateSpade · 25/08/2014 16:47

Reading this thread has given me a kick up the ass which I certainly need.

I do find that being productive helps, but not letting the issues fall by the wayside.

I am going to try & do c25k starting tomorrow, I am also going to write down all the things that are bothering me (though I'm not sure how to solve them)

Also, I would love some self-help book recommendations? I know theirs been a few but anymore is welcome!

MrsAtticus · 25/08/2014 16:47

St. Johns Wort, I took it while breastfeeding and had no problems.

Egghead68 · 25/08/2014 16:52

The evidence supports:

  1. Exercise
  2. Something called "behavioural activation" which essentially means scheduling things you enjoy and things you get a sense of achievement from into your week and then doing them
  3. Giving up/reducing alcohol

The David Burns books are good as well as the "Overcoming Depression" book from the overcoming series.

If you want to do some online CBT it is available at:
www.moodgym.anu.edu.au
www.ecouch.anu.edu.au
www.llttf.com

In many areas you can also self-refer for talking therapy at your local Improving Access to Psychological Therapies service.

heraldgerald · 25/08/2014 16:55

Such a helpful thread. Not wishing to derail but as a partner of someone with depression, what can I do to help?

DiaDuit · 25/08/2014 16:58

I am also going to write down all the things that are bothering me (though I'm not sure how to solve them)

this is a good idea. I have trained myself to stop and think when I am feeling low or in a bad mood of some sort and ask myself what it is that I am annoyed/sad about. I usually work out the source very quickly and the solution either comes to me over the course of the day with little attention given to it or I already know the solution but am not in a position to fix it. accepting that I will fix it when I can seems to help take it off my mind and let me feel a bit happier.

ppeatfruit · 25/08/2014 17:07

Banana leaf said it helped her as well artemisia it isn't as odd as it sounds. and worth trying. IMO and E (my dh has it sometimes). Depression is like losing weight; as other posters have said it's down to just breaking a habit that has a bad effect, so it can be changed too.

MexicanSpringtime · 25/08/2014 17:41

Thinking positively. It was hard at first, it felt like a lie, but I forced myself to think positively and on the bad days just rode the feelings, didn't delve into them.

I never try to analyse my life or myself when I am depressed, because my life always ends up having been terrible and I unloveable.

scarletforya · 25/08/2014 18:06

Surfsup1 interesting you should mention the brain/gut connection. I've been reading about that a lot online recently. Seems gut health is far more important than we ever realised! Makes sense too.

I've been eating sauerkraut recently as fermented foods are supposed to help!

ArtemisiaGentileschisThumb · 25/08/2014 18:36

ppeatfruit it does not sound odd however there is not just one type of depression, it is not always down to just breaking a habit. i have cut out wheat in the past for different reasons and it has had no effect on my mood. i am aware of the causes for my depression, they are not diet related but the symptoms are exasperated by the difficulties i experience in pregnancy.

There is no one answer for anyone, we must all find what helps us individually. i know what i need and it is not cutting out wheat.