To want to rip ex's head off over his comment to 5yr old DD?

[iProcrastinate]

Ok, excuse my fuming-ness - I've had this recounted to me by an upset 5yr old!

ExH and his new GF took DD out for a day, he hasn't seen her in a few months and GF hadn't met DD before, but they wanted to take her for a day to a local attraction. DD was keen to go. This I have no problem with.

Apparently, at some point during the day DD had been playing and another person, innocently, said something along the lines of "you look like you're having a nice day out with mummy and daddy" - DD apparently said "that's not my mummy" and ExH stepped in and said to the person that it was, and later said to DD that his GF was "her other mummy", said that she should call her mummy because she was the same as her mummy.

DD was quiet when they dropped her off which I expected as she would be tired, but later recounted the story to me and got upset, I think she was confused by the whole thing.

My inner tiger mother wants to rip ExH's head, just for confusing and upsetting DD, but I wanted to check first whether I was being silly! AIBU?

It's not difficult agreed; I was always getting called my DSD's mum and we'd look at each other and say 'nah - dad's girlfriend'.

Yeah, fuck that shit.

Is he walking funny yet OP?
Seriously on first day of meeting?? He is a knob!!

I'm 47...DM has been with her DH 43 years...married 30..I still call him by his first name..

admittedly I could open a thread on our family though

Idiot

Tbh I'm 36 and I don't mind people assuming my stepdad is my dad as he is really, but that's not the point. My children ave always called him grandad
Its a different issue innit. I call him by his first name thou

What a twat. My half sister has known my mum since she was 2, she is now 48 and has never called my Mum Mummmy. She has one Mum and a Step Mum, whom she also loves, but they are NOT the same. Saying things like that is just really unhelpful. Defo tell him how upset he has made DD.

Utter berk!

Yes Owl - My sisters dc call my mum nana. But that's different.

what an idiot, of course you are not being unreasonable, shes not DDs mum, she's not even her step mum, she's a woman DD has never met before who just happens to be dating her Dad. It should be up to your DD what she wants to call this woman (as long as its something polite)

DS has known my DH since he was about 6 months old, he has only met his real Dad a handful of times (his Dads choice) but we still don't tell him to call DH Daddy because its not fair on him to force it and we wouldn't tell him off for pointing out DH is not his Dad, DS generally won't correct people if they assume but prefers to call DH by his name most of the time, DH and I are perfectly happy with that.

She is being totally f'g unreasonable and YANBU - no way at all.

I'd be more useful with a list of things to call your ex.

YANBU OP. Your Ex is a dick.

He's beyond simply being an idiot, this is unreasonable on a whole new scale. I strongly support going ahead with the ripping off of his head, metaphorically of course. Give it to him with both barrels. It's almost emotionally abusive to confuse such a young child so seriously and foolishly.

Is there any chance he was explaining why the person thought she was mummy and dd hasn't understood what he was trying to say? She's very young to have an upsetting incident totally straight in her head so I'd proceed by trying to get to the bottom of it first myself (but totally understand you may not want to waste your time) either way he's been an idiot at best. Poor dd, hopefully some sleep and chatting it through with her sensible parent you will have her feeling better

You are not being unreasonable at all and I would be cross at this. But I wouldn't go in all guns blazing as to me, it seems that may be what he wants. I would talk to dd and reassure her that you are her only mummy and she can call gf by whatever she wants. Then leave it at that. It sounds like contact is infrequent at best so by the time she sees dad again this gf could be long gone.

Yanbu, reassure her that she has only one mum, you! Next time you see or talk to ex, let it known that dd only has once mummy, certainly nit a strange woman she has never met before. How would he feel if the boot was on the other foot, and you introduced dd to your new partner as your other daddy. I bet he won't like that one bit.

Yanbu

yanbu

May ex once told an ex of his, she would be my DD's new mum, he still to this day doesnt know that she told me, luckily the woman was lovely and told him straight that DD already has a mum.

When my DSD was younger, people sometimes commented about me being her mum. The first time, I didn't correct them but told DSD afterwards that she always could if she wanted to, or I would if she wanted me to as she has her own lovely mum (obv I said lovely to her but I don;t think her mum is lovely at all lol). I didn't want DSD to think I was denying her in any way. She never did though.

YANBU! I've been a stepmum, and I'd never do that. It's beyond the pale!

" said that she should call her mummy because she was the same as her mummy. "

OMg that's sad.

wonder who is behind this, ex or GF?

So is this poor little girl going to have to say mummy for fear of upsetting her dad & at the same time feel disloyal to her mum?

Perhaps Mummy GFs name?

I'd be furious.

Me and DSs dad broke up when DD was little, his dad has him one day a week, and has been regular since we broke up.

My DP obviously spends a lot more time with DS because DS is with me 6/7 days.

DS calls his dad "daddy" and my DP "DPs name"

DP is not his dad, he is not the same as his dad, DS has a dad.

DP, however, also has an adult daughter that isn't biologically his, but who he brought up from very young and whose dad doesn't bother with her. He is her dad. But that's a completely different situation. DPs parents are also her grandparents and his siblings are her aunts and uncles.

Your ex is ridiculous, and to be quite honest if I was the GF I would freak right out and run a mile.

Yanbu and I would be having this out with him

I would be furious but I don't think you should show it and upset your DD further. I agree with Darquesse- don't make a big thing of it. I wouldn't mention it to the ex- it gives it an importance where ignoring is better. Just tell DD to use her name and if difficult avoid calling her anything.