should DH have gone to work today?

[2boysandcounting1]

Im 6 months pregnant with a 2 year old and a 3 year old who will be 4 tomorrow. I think i must have PGP as last night i was in agony and could sit down as couldn't bend my left hip to sit. I couldn't even lift my left leg at all off the floor and i had the two children to put to bed on my own as my husband was at work. I txt him and he said what do you want me to do? I said he may need to come home as really couldn't move. He asked if my mom could help me but he did end up coming out 2 hours early. I managed to get into the bath which did ease the pain and went to bed but was in so much pain.

This morning he asked me how i was and i still had bad achy pain in hip area and couldn't put weight on left leg. He said he was going to work. To top it off he is going to fetch his mom due to DS birthday tomorrow which will add an extra 3 hours so i will be on my own until at least 6. I didn't really want him to go as worried how i will manage with the boys. I spoke to my mom and she said she will come over but DH shouldn't have gone to work. Now i dont know what to think. Feel i have no one to ask. My husband is working his second job today so its bank work, he wouldn't get paid if he didn't go but he is not contracted there if that makes sense.

Just sitting here now upset as in one way think my mom is right, my DH isn't always understanding when in unwell as just a week ago i had a vomiting bug and a UTI and he was still asking me to help him with getting boys clothes ready and watching them. Do you think its unreasonable to execr my DH to not go in under these circumstances?

Does partly depend on his job. You mentioned working on the bank. Usually that means nursing or allied health professionals - is he worried that 1)not being there will leave unsafe care for the patients 2)letting them down will drop him way down the list of who gets shifts as they depend upon reliability? If you had no one available to help you he might have to take time off, but if you do have help, he may be trying to juggle conflicting pressures. And I can't help but think that if it's bad enough for you to be on here about it, it's bad enough to see a doctor today. Seriously, one of the biggest mistakes in my life was not taking my sciatica to a doctor sooner.

It's hard but I think he was right to go to work. The money is necessary. If you were a single parent you'd have to manage. I agree if you are ill and in a lot of pain you should see a doctor.

It depends what he does, if he's a nurse working bank shifts it would be very difficult for them to cover him at short notice.

Something like gas or electrician working bank at weekends then I'd say he should have stayed at home

I know this is an inflammatory remark but just get over it or call a friend. He is trying to do the best for his family by earning a living - having a baby is an expensive business. Put the telly on while he is out and you have no cover. and I hope you feel better my DC are a similar age and it is very tiring.

I do agree MrsMarigold but thousands won't. The OP says she wants four children so there's another pregnancy to go yet. The DH already needs to work two jobs to cover two children, he simply can't afford to lose his job.

It's different if both working as their is a salary to fall back on.

You can't have your cake and eat it, you want a big family and need him to provide so he can't stay home whenever you want him too.

I had such severe PGP in my second pregnancy that DS1 and I spent most of the last 13 weeks in my bedroom. I couldn't lift my legs at all, in the sense of couldn't walk, not with one crutch or 2. I was in a wheelchair. DH used to get everything I needed for the day for me before he went to work, then he'd have to go. We had no choice, we had a mortgage to pay. Neither of our families helped out, we lived too far away. I did have a neighbour who'd take DS1 two afternoons a week.

Its 18 years down the line. I still have that PGP. I still can't walk unaided. DH still has to go to work. 'Tis life, you adapt and get in with it when you have to.

The OP's mum has arthritis and needs a hip replacement. Yes, she could help today but what would happen if she couldn't. My mum suffers from arthritis and there are some days when she can barely move.

OP you need to have a word with your DP about his attitude. I suspect you'd feel better if he was at least a little supportive.

You want another baby?

She is not having the children on her own, they are her dp's children too. I haven't seen where the op has mentioned wanting another, but that is between her and her partner and not really anyone's business.

These 'he is the breadwinner, working hard to support the children you keep having' comments strike me as a bit odd and patronising, not to mention sexist or am I missing something.

There is surely room for a bit if sympathy, support and affection in a relationship isn't there? It's not all just about putting food on the table and that is your job and this is mine.

I was working until i had my second then the cost of childcare would have taken all of my wage and some more so that is why im not working at the moment. I do intend to return to work though when i have had my family. I do understand the comments regarding money and paying bills etc but at the time i didn't know my mom could come and it wasn't that i was having a little discomfort i literally could lift my leg up or walk at all. I was standing up for over 3 hours last night as i couldn't bend at the hip to sit down. I only called my husband as a last resort as i didn't know what else to do and apart from my mom i dont have any local support and i wouldn't ask my neighbours as they are elderly.

Think i may use that idea and have all supplies i need for the day in one room as it will be easier when my eldest starts school and i only have the youngest at home who is the easier out of the 2. I wouldn't normally ask my husband to come out of work or expect him not to go in but this caught me unaware.

I don't really think the issue is whether he stays home or not, I think it's that he's acting like an arse :( The comments he has made, the fact that he left you on your own this morning, unable to walk, with two small children says it all. We would be having serious words about whether he wanted to be a part of my life or not - I expect FAR more love & care (and give far more love & care) to the people in my life. The very least he should have done before leaving was ring your Mom and ask if she was able to come and help you today and if not stay home. It is disgusting he left you like that :( and as for his behaviour last weekend - FFS he needs to grow up.

Is pgp like spd?

Op, you are not being unreasonable. you are ill and unable to look after the children so he needs to step in. tell him to take some bloody annual leave.
There are definitely some martyrs on this thread.

Can't believe no one has picked up on this!

I know my mom doesn't resent helping me as she helps me alot with different things but she has arthritis and needs a hip replacement so her walking isn't great and so struggles to run round after the boys too.

Your poor mum! I wouldn't dream of asking her to help in this situation.