To really hate being invited over on very short notice

[hashtaglater]

I hate this as I always think am second best. Do people think that am just sat waiting for their poxy invites.

Please tell me am not alone!

Pretty much every time I come on here I find another thing which demonstrates I'm a terrible person. I had no idea it was possible to cause offence by inviting someone to something at short notice.

"Pretty much every time I come on here I find another thing which demonstrates I'm a terrible person. I had no idea it was possible to cause offence by inviting someone to something at short notice."

I feel that way too. It's like the time I was told I was wildly intrusive and completely out of order for taking in my neighbour's washing when they were out and it started to rain. Apparently, many mumsnetters would have had to wash it again. And there was the time I was waiting in at a friend's house for the washing machine man and I did the washing up while I was waiting. That was controlling and sending a message that I though my friend couldn't cope.

You're welcome round here any time hakluyt - I promise I will never be offended at you dealing with my washing or doing my dishes. I have a ton of ironing if you're feeling really controlling?

MN is a parallel universe, Hakluyt! I remember the one where her MIL brought in the washing when it started to rain- a terrible thing to do because her knickers were in the line!! MIL should have let it all get soaked!

On the line not 'in'

'don't get me started on bbqs where you have to bring your own food'

OK I'm intrigued.. What's wrong with them?!

Oops, thread's moved on!! I only saw page one honest...

Wll if we're going to talk about washing and MILs - I do get the arse slightly when mine gets the washing in because she will always do it before it's actually dry! Regardless of rain status. She just brings it off the line into a basket while it's still damp.
I wouldn't mind in the slightest if she did it when rain started; but I do mind when it comes off the line before it's even dry in perfectly good drying weather!

I don't remember the washing ones. How very strange.

Well! Thanks all for your comments. I
Can honestly say I have learnt a thing or two.

Kmowing how hard and time consuming it is sometimes to get DCs and DH ready and out of the door. I thought most people would have wanted a bit of notice. And I don't mean weeks or months.

Presumably you're always being invited because people want you to be there.
You're cutting your nose off to spite your face.

I understand the annoyance.

Some people do not have a proper planning concept in their genetic make up it seems, just as some people have no sense of direction and some are not very numerate.

Blimey.

No room for a spontaneous nice thought because the weather looks nice, or the Inviter has been so busy that they haven't had time to draw breath and then wake up and think 'I know what would be nice, let's see if Hashtag is available'?

In truth, I do hope that my friends and family take things at face value and are not so high maintenance and taking things personally to the degree that a last minute invitation causes upset and annoyance.

OK, OP, I see you have modified your perspective - it just doesn't seem health or happy to me to see everything as a slight or insult. Good luck!

Why does it take time to get your DH out of the door? Small kids I can understand. A grown adult, no.

Am also intrigued by the pants on line saga. Were they sullied, in some way, by the MIL's touch? Were they particularly Feelthy Sex Pants that the OP felt embarrassed to be handled by her MIL? And if they were FSP, why on the line in the first place?

YABU.

You can always say no if you don't want to go.

OP, I can appreciate that you are a person who feels most comfortable having a plan in advance and do not appreciate last minute changes impinging on your time.

The problem is I think is that you are seeing these invitations as malicious in some way. If you are by nature more introverted anyway, and don't enjoy last minute gatherings that you haven't prepared mentally for then that is absolutely fine!

However, it is a waste of emotional energy to complain about the way people are.

at Feelthy Sex Pants

TBH, even if you ARE someone's second choice, is that really so bad? Do you want your friends to only spend time with you? We recently invited friends over for a roast, but on the day their daughter was ill, so we rang another set of friends, told them the situation and asked if they wanted to come instead. It's not that we don't like the other set of friends, just that we hadn't planned to see them that day, so they weren't 'second best' in terms of our affection for them, just that it was an offer made on the back of other circumstances. Fortunately, they understood that this was in no way a snub, came round and we all had a lovely time.

FWIW I don't think that I have ever ranked mine and my friends time in terms of importance - sometimes we plan things in advance if we're all really busy at a particular time, and sometimes we make spontaneous plans. I would hate to think that anyone would be offended because we invited them to something last minute, just as I wouldn't be offended if they couldn't come.

You said you consider anything after 10 a.m. in the morning for that evening to be a late invitation. How long exactly do you need to get your husband and children ready to leave the house?!