To really hate being invited over on very short notice

[hashtaglater]

I hate this as I always think am second best. Do people think that am just sat waiting for their poxy invites.

Please tell me am not alone!

[CarmineRose1978]

I hate last minute invitations but that's because I'm socially anxious... I need to plan things out and know what's going on in advance, to get used to the idea of leaving my safe warm house. It's my issue, not that of the people who invite me out! My friends all know this about me now anyway, so if they do invite me out without much notice, they preface it with "I know you might not be able to come, but...." and they don't get offended if I can't get myself together enough to go out.

[CeliaFate]

What I cannot understand is why am always being invited and yet I always
Say no

The next AIBU will be "Why have my friends all deserted me? They never invite me to anything"

You sound like hard work OP.

[Thumbwitch]

"Perhaps the people who are laid back don't think of their time as important"

Well you might feel that way, Mrsstarlord, but the people I know who are similar to the way you've described yourself don't think ANYONE's time is important - and for some people it is.

I don't mind last minute invitations to things like barbecues etc. - it really is just my family that get on my tits over their inability to let people know in advance when things are happening.

[magicalmrmistofelees]

Mrsstarlord i completely agree. I would HATE to live my entire life to a schedule. I like spontaneity. Nice day? Fancy a picnic? etc. and if someone already has plans then fine, I wouldn't be annoyed/upset. It's nothing to do with seeing someone as second best or not valuing their company, it's because I do value their company that I think of them and ask them to do something! Luckily most of my friends seem to have a similar attitude to me and we happily meet up on an ad hoc basis and have a lovely time .

[magicalmrmistofelees]

And ladyluck you're right, some people do choose to be miserable. Have you ever thought your life might be more fun if you said yes to these invitations?

[thoughtsescapeme]

I am the opposite - hate making plans and would far rather have spontaneous arrangements.

[Frontier]

Don't BBQs have to be short notice, like once you know it's BBQ weather? And what's so difficult about picking up some sausages and a bottle of wine on your way there?

[Karoleann]

DH has a friend that always invites us around with a week or so notice and we can never make it. We haven't seem them now for a couple of years. We tend to have stuff in the diary for at least the coming 6 weeks.

[ocelot41]

Oh crikey. I am a spur of the moment person and am always texting folks on w-end mornings to say 'Heading out to such and such - fancy coming?' Or 'raining cats and dogs - want to come over and make cakes/space stations/ what ever. It never occurred to me before that anyone might be upset about that! Just say no, if you don't fancy it. Say yes if you do. Simple?

[Xmasbaby11]

Yabu. I love a bit of spontaneity. Often these things are more fun than the ones you plan for and look forward to.

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

God, I'd absolutely hate not to be able to do anything, 'Off schedule' for six weeks. Sounds as if you're not that bothered about seeing them tbh, Karolean.

[Trills]

Next time you are invited to something, don't say "no I am busy", that implies that if you were not busy then you would have accepted.

Say "no I don't like being invited to things without notice". That'll stop them.

[raspberryripple43]

Just want to lend another perspective. I hate entertaining, makes me so anxious. I stress no one really wants to come, and I absolutely hate been let down. I figure, if I do last minute things, if people can't come, they haven't really let me down, iyswim? Not at all that my time is more precious. After reading this thread I am stopping entertaining totally!

[Heyho111]

I always do short notice I prefer it as they seem to work out better.

[Trills]

If I were planning an event ahead of time, I would tell people about it at the time I started planning it.

If I just came up with the idea that weekend, that's when I would tell people about it.

It's really not about you.

If you don't ever want to go to the second kind of event, even if you're not doing anything, let me know and I'll stop asking you.

If you don't want to go to one particular event, even if it's only because you had planned to watch Netflix in your pyjamas, that's fine.

But don't be grumpy for not getting more warning about something that didn't exist back at the time when you would have liked warning.

[bigTillyMint]

It's fun to do things last minute - if you are free, why not?

If you are the kind of person who likes to have things planned ahead and doesn't cope well with change then you either have to tell folks that, or have a stack of excuses.

[slithytove]

I hate it too but not for the same reasons.

I'm not hugely spontaneous, meaning I either already have plans, or I am not prepared to go out that day (need a bath, still in pjs, desperate for a nap etc).

All of which is fine, but I hate saying no all the time!

I only need 2/3 days notice to be able to say yes, it's frustrating.

[slithytove]

For instance, a friend I haven't seen for awhile invited me around recently, with about 3/4 hours notice.

I was out the house looking like utter shite doing some errands, desperate to get home for naptime because DS isn't sleeping well at night, and at 37 weeks pregnant, neither am I.

I would have loved to have seen her, and had she asked me the day before, I'd have rescheduled the errands, got in the bath, and made the effort. But I didn't have the chance really.

It's a shame.

[PeruPerhaps]

Opposite here. Planned events I can't deal with. I end up frustrating everyone and not deciding until the last minute. I can't cope with having agreed to something and the stress of potentially not being able to go at the last minute if something comes up. 9/10 times I'll be there, but I'd far rather just let people know half an hour beforehand if possible.

I love spontaneity. Even holidays we often book the day before. Makes it more fun :)

[thoughtsescapeme]

It's easier to be friends with people who don't get offended with the way you organise yourself socially. All my closest friends understand that my working life is so erratic I can't plan much. One of my friends gets upset about it. She wants to make a plan this week but I have lots of work plus a family party that I have to organise - trying to fit in a social activity just feels too much. Trying to write a text that won't offend, but it feels impossible.

[Delphiniumsblue]

Last minute, spontaneous, invitations are often the best! It never occurred to me that it meant I was second best! I can't do with people who are hard work and you have to walk on egg shells in case you offend them.

[RoganJosh]

If you find it stressful to say yes to something unexpected and pop into tesco to grab a pack of sausages then I really think that's your issue.
If you had something else in mind for that day, then turn it down.

It sounds like you are very inflexible.

[Delphiniumsblue]

It is easy to make an excuse if it is last minute- just say you are busy.

[Delphiniumsblue]

Or is it that you can't get over the way they asked you rather than the activity planned ?

[peasandlove]

hard work sums it up. I only dislike it when my partner invited people over and didnt mention it till they turned up lugging drinks and that was the first I knew of it.