Trying to make DT2 safe at night

[lock951753]

Have NC for this.

I have 2.5yo DT's. This evening we've just put a tiny lock, similar to the ones that you might use on the inside of a toilet cubicle, on the outside of their bedroom door.

We've done this because DT2 is a sleepwalker (multiple times a night) and during the night got up and went into the living room, climbed up on the shelves, slipped and fell to the floor, luckily didn't hurt himself, from the things that fell off the shelf I think he must have been 3 or 4 up. We woke up to a crash as things fell of the shelf as he did at 3am.

We have childproofed as much as possible and have baby gates on the kitchen door and a lock on the outside of the bathroom that we shut at night but in the living area it's all open plan so there is no way we can put safety barriers to protect him. The only other way we could assure his safety would be to remove all furniture and have a totally empty lounge/diner.

The DT's bedroom is next to ours so if either cries we hear them and we would never use it for punishment or getting them to go to sleep, thankfully they are good at that, I would also never leave them to cry. We will only use it after we go to bed for a safety precaution for DT2.

DH and I thought this was the best option but talking to a friend this afternoon and she was horrified.

What else are we supposed to do, sit in shifts outside their room through the night? I don't think my friend realises how lucky we were that he didn't fall badly and hurt himself.

AWBU to have done this?

You need a 'pet gate' - they are same as safety gates but higher. We had to have these for our DTs as they could open normal child safety gates.

As a temporary measure tonight it will probably be fine.

Why do you think neither you or your DH wake up in time? Do you sleep with your bedrom door closed? I ask as I also have a sleepwalker and although I generally sleep quite soundly, I do hear her get up. I can sleep through rain/thunder/people shouting in the street but the slightest creak from DD's bedroom and I'm awake and listening for not so little footsteps

They are in toddler bed as they climbed out the cots. Used to have sleepsacks but they just took them off.

They have always slept with their door shut, partly as a safety measure because of DH's sleepwalking, and partly because they have always been good sleepers that go off within minutes of going to bed. They would never go to sleep if I was in the room or they were in ours, way too exciting and out the ordinary. They are used to a quiet dark room and their own beds.

DH is going to speak to his chippy mate about a stable door next week.

Our door is wide open there's about 1cm between their door and ours. We usually always hear them if they wake or make noise. Last night he must have crept out very very quietly we just woke to the noise of the crash.

If it is the kind of lock I'm imagining from your OP, then it is just as quick to open it in an emergency as a childgate is. I know someone else who has temporarily put a lock on the door. As long as you are confident that you can get that lock open instantly, then I don't see a huge problem with it. It sounds like your son is more at risk from wandering around than from the lock on the door.

Children can open stair gates in their sleep and unlock front doors so remove your keys from the door before you go to bed!

I dont think i have slept properly for 10 years listening for dd then ds wandering about!

Usually if one of them wakes and opens the door then the first thing they do is come to me. Our door is at the right angle to theirs so it's the obviously choice. DS was sound asleep though, he wasn't awake so had no idea what he was doing or where he was going.

I don't know what it's called, but there's a kind of room guard that's motion sensitive...looks like a teddy or a robot etc. and makes a noise if someone's moving.
Might help alert you...

Our front door is double locked and with a twist lock higher up, we're taking no chances!

I think that's what the shop alert does Marcipex.

Thurlow Probably quicker tbh. I tested it a few times before they went to bed and it's as quick to open as the door handle.

I remember talking to the friend who put a lock on the door and we agreed there was just something about the word "lock". Our house has round door handles and DC won't be able to manage them for years, so once their door is shut it will be shut all night. I'm not entirely sure what the difference is between that and a sliding lock, really. The friend who put a lock on did it because her DD could climb over the stairgate and she felt that was more dangerous.

I agree. You have to weigh up the risks and do what you need to do to make them as safe as possible. I'm so glad everyone has been helpful and not judgy on this thread, total opposite from my friend earlier. Her baby is only tiny though so she may feel differently if she experiences anything like this at a later stage.

Everyone has different levels of risk. Some parents will always have doors open because they feel that is safer, others will always have doors closed

one of these with the sensor pointing at DC bedroom door, and the sounder in your room.

you can switch off the sensor during the day.

Wow, good luck. I'm so relieved our little one is finally sleeping through the night, this has me worried again! Guess we'd better enjoy the cot years while they last...

I asked my Dad, and he said he used to lock my sister in her room at night, because she sleepwalked. Then grew out of it, but he can't remember when. Maybe that could be a solution.

my dd was a sleep walker from the age of 3 , she still does it if shes worried about things shes 15 now,she always managed to unlock doors and gates in her sleep ,i think the stable door with a lock on the outside is a good idea.

Why do people always mention fires in these circumstances? The kid is 2.5 years old, many kids this age are still in a cot so what is the difference in case of a fire?

Would people like to describe what they think is risky about a 2.5yo having a lock on the door?

The only thing I've heard mentioned is the fire risk. Now really, you think that if the fire alarm goes off then you'd expect your 2.5yo to wake, realise what's happening, and get out safely without any parental imput? If it's too dangerous for the parents to get to the child's room, then I can't see it being safe for the child to get themselves out through their bedroom door-particularly as OP has said her door is next to their door. Even assuming they manage to get downstairs, it isn't all 2.5yos that can open a locked front door, and I doubt many would think to use a window even if they could open them.

It's some time since I did the fire station tour, but my memory was for that age was to teach them to (in a fire) to get down on the floor and stay put. The theory being that either the parent or the firecrew then know where they were to rescue them. If they try to escape then they can accidently go towards the fire and also the firecrew have to locate them too, which takes longer.

OP: I have a friend with a autistic 10yo. Part of the autism takes the form of no sense of danger, and the medication she's on means sleeping for more than 4 hours on the trot happens rarely. After many occasions of police searches, neighbours finding her in sheds/playing on their roof (!)/down in the playground etc at 4am. and many attempts of stairgates, alarms, and lots of other attempts to keep her inside, the social workers told her to use a lock on the bedroom door. They pointed out that the risk she had from escaping during the night was far greater then the risk of fire. In fact the risk of fire was greater if she could get out too, as she is quite capable of deciding to cook with flamable ingredients, so even that risk was reduced.

My 4 year old wouldn't even stir for a fire alarm.

I don't see the problem , it is no different than a child in a cot or a stair gate in terms of a child being unable to leave the room.

You really shouldn't put a lock on the door. Stair gate, door gate etc would be better. Or an alarm on the door if he opens it. They are v cheap from DIY store.

Having the door locked in the case of fire may actually be better as less smoke is able to go in.

If fire is a concern, then use enough fire alarms and have fire extinguishers in strategic places.

Exactly. I shut door is better than a door jammed open by a door gate.
Which is why we cut our door in half.

I have a lock on my DS's door. SS have seen it. They did not remove him.
Even though the fuckwit who reported it though he was being abused.
He is autistic.

Parents of children with SN tend to be less hysterical about locks on doors.

I once had someone on MN begging me not to have a lock on my DS's door. Begging me not to. FFS.

No, far better he wanders around the house and goes for a walk down the A4006.

We had a visit from the fire service to a baby group I went to with DD. They said that all doors should be shut at night - those to living areas to stop the spread of fire/smoke (which is more likely to start in those areas due to more electrics) and those to bedrooms for the same reason. They showed a video of a fire, the whole house was gutted except the room that had its door closed.

Their advice in a fire was to call fire brigade and not risk trying to get to your children - if their doors are closed they will be safest in their rooms until the fire service arrives (not sure I could follow that one in the panic of a fire, though).

For that reason, I would go with the lock not the stable door - a half open door won't stop smoke.

As long as a lock isn't used as a punishment then I see no problem using it for safety reasons.