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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave a 14.5 year old on charge of a 3 yr old and 12 year old from 6pm to midnight?

48 replies

numptieseverywhere · 22/08/2014 11:41

our babysitter has let us down. We were supposed to be at a wedding reception in London in a few weeks. To get there involves a 40 min train journey. I'm looking for a new babysitter but our 14 yr old is 'really embarrassed' and thinks she should be able to babysit. But it's a long time to leave her in charge and I'm not sure. Is 14 too young to babysit?

OP posts:
17leftfeet · 22/08/2014 11:45

I would say it depends on the relationship between the 12 and 14 year old -are they likely to fight

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2014 11:47

It depends on the 14yr old and her level of maturity, also I would say it depends on whether the 3yr old is easy to look after.

I'm not sure I'd like the 12yr old in the mix, due to possible arguments so would probably arrange a sleepover with a friend if possible.

gordyslovesheep · 22/08/2014 11:48

it totally depends on your children. Personally I wouldn't leave a 14 year old to get a 3 year old to bed - I'd be happy to let them babysit a sleeping toddler though

My eldest 2 would fight if left alone but they are 10 and 12 so a bit younger

amyhamster · 22/08/2014 11:48

I think it should be fine
I'd probably be happier if the 3 year old was staying with family though
will the 3 year old go to bed when the elder two say?

iwantgin · 22/08/2014 11:50

It's hard to say - how do they get on together?

I used to babysit for a toddler down the road, from the age of 13. However he was in bed, and all I had to do was sit and watch TV.

Will the older two fight? Will the 12 yo do as the 14 yo says? Or can you get the 12yo and 14yo to work together on this to take care of the youngest?

sillymillyb · 22/08/2014 11:50

I think I would be uncomfortable with this and wouldn't relax (disclaimer, I only have a 2 yo)

I would prob feel better if the 3yo was already in bed and asleep when I left, so that they weren't in charge of having to "do" something with them.

And, as others have said - what is the relationship between the 12 and 14 yo like? I was a right cow when my brothers "babysat" me!

ElephantsNeverForgive · 22/08/2014 11:50

Assuming they don't fight they and either the 14 or 12y are good with the 3y they will be fine.

I would never ever have suggested that DD1 (now 16) was I charge of DD2(13), although in an emergency she would be, because of having the calmer head, rather than age.

I don't have a younger DC, but any we come across are DD2's problem. She's utterly brilliant, has total strangers small children doing her bidding in 30sec.

googoodolly · 22/08/2014 11:52

I think they'll be fine.

susiedaisy · 22/08/2014 11:56

As long as they get on ok and you have another adult friend or relative that could pop round if there's a problem then I think they would be ok

ArcheryAnnie · 22/08/2014 12:00

Has the 14 yr old ever put the 3 yr old to bed? You could have a dry run, bugger off for an hour (local caff, sit in the car outside the house, reading a book...) while she does this.

Original poster
numptieseverywhere · 22/08/2014 12:05

I was thinking of a dry run too! No, she's never put her to bed. That's my worry. She's at that inbetween age where it's debatable whether she can be given this responsibility or not. The fact we'd be a 40 min train journey away concerns me. So far we've only gone out when the 3 yr old is asleep and we've been a 20 min walk away.

OP posts:
Almostfifty · 22/08/2014 12:07

Do you have a neighbour she could phone if things go wrong? I'd leave them personally.

LadyLuck10 · 22/08/2014 12:17

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. It would take you at least 40+ mins to get home if they need you. Can you get someone to stay over?

Original poster
numptieseverywhere · 22/08/2014 12:17

leaving her in charge seems a lot less hassle than spending a fortune on babysitters and I imagine a babysitter would also be annoyed with the late finish time too.

OP posts:
Original poster
numptieseverywhere · 22/08/2014 12:20

thanks for replies so far. My head says she's old enough, my gut says she's a bit too young at 14.

OP posts:
whatsagoodusername · 22/08/2014 12:22

You have a few weeks. I'd get the 14yo practicing putting the 3yo to bed and the 12yo practicing too. First while you're home, then go out for a bit.

I'd probably let her do it - I was babysitting by that age. If you've got a neighbour she can phone if she needs help quickly, I think it would be fine.

MangoBiscuit · 22/08/2014 12:33

I was babysitting for lots of different families by 14, some easy, some not so. All were within walking distance from my house, so I had back up close by if I had ever needed it. I'm with everyone who says if you have a neighbour she can call on if needed then I'd be happy with it.

Original poster
numptieseverywhere · 22/08/2014 12:48

she's vehemently against the idea of a babysitter! I know I'm going to worry though...might've answered my own dilemma!

OP posts:
Skina · 22/08/2014 12:52

I wouldn't and didn't hesitate to leave my (then) 14 year old babysitting for the others (then 3, 9 & 10). It was a double win. She got paid £5/hour and I saved £5/hour rather than the usual £10 it cost for a babysitter.

sausageandorangepickle · 22/08/2014 13:00

When I was a teenager I often used to 'keep X company' while he 'babysat' his younger sister. I was probably 16 or 17, X was 14 ish so didn't want a babysitter, but sister was only about 10 and didn't want to do what he told her. He saved face, she went to bed as an outsider was there, and I got paid the usual babysitting money when parents got home.

Does your DD1 have any older friends or older sisters of her friends who could keep her company?

sausageandorangepickle · 22/08/2014 13:01

PS I don't mean a sleepover of her friends - trying to make it less chaotic, not more!Smile

AmberLav · 22/08/2014 13:05

Thinking about my 12 year old niece and my 3 year old, I think she'd be great at getting DS into bed, but DS is very good at his nighttime routine, and only plays up for mum and dad! She refuses to do nappies though, so couldn't leave her with the 1 year old!

I wouldn't give her that responsibility yet if I wasn't in the house, as she's only 12, but in a couple of years, maybe...

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 22/08/2014 14:46

I think it should be fine! 14 is really quite big, plus the next youngest if 12 so not a little kid either. As long as they are fairly sensible kids, I'd let them stay at home alone (but be prepared for them letting the little one stay up pretty late!) I can't really think what could happen that they couldn't handle at that age.

Almostfifty · 22/08/2014 14:48

Thinking about this, would you leave the two older ones? If so, it boils down to whether or not you're happy leaving the wee one. If your elder DD is already looking after her occasionally when you go to the shops etc, then she'll be fine, after all, hopefully the wee one will be in bed fairly sharp anyway.

abigamarone · 22/08/2014 15:38

When mine were a bit younger they'd fight like mad 99% of the time, but if I wanted to go out and they wanted to be left it was made clear that the elder was in charge but not allowed to make ridiculous demands. It always seemed to work and sometimes children thrive with a bit of responsibility. How does each child feel about it?

I'd also be happy for the 14-year-old to put the younger to bed.

Is there anyone like a neighbour they could contact in an emergency?

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