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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU neighbours aupair

29 replies

crje · 21/08/2014 16:19

AIBU to not get into school run arrangement with a neighbours aupair.
Has been hinted at but im not happy to do it. Its not if much benefit to me. The aupair (18) has no car ,2
school going kids and a baby. Her hands are too full to add my 4yr old
to the mix.
AIBU to not want the hassle.

OP posts:
MagratsHair · 21/08/2014 16:20

yanbu, just say no

RedRoom · 21/08/2014 16:20

Why would it be unreasonable? You didn't hire or want the services of an au pair, so just say no thanks.

WooWooOwl · 21/08/2014 16:36

YANBU.

What are they offering in return for you taking their children to school?

blueshoes · 21/08/2014 16:37

Is this at your neighbour's suggestion or the aupair's?

I would have thought people hire aupairs (I do) so that they do NOT have to do arrangements with other parents.

Oldraver · 21/08/2014 16:39

Her hands are too full to add my 4yr old to the mix

Who has been hinting, the neighbour or the au-pair ? I could see a scenario where in bad weather you end up doing a bigger share of the school run

AlpacaMyBags · 21/08/2014 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
crje · 21/08/2014 17:30

Parents hinting.
Think you hit the nail on the head oldraver.
The rainy days will fall to me. I think they assume I will bring theirs as im going anyway. Leaving the aupair with no car means if I don't do it Im driving past them.
I'm going to mean if I don't but will resent it if I do

OP posts:
Original poster
crje · 21/08/2014 17:30

Parents hinting.
Think you hit the nail on the head oldraver.
The rainy days will fall to me. I think they assume I will bring theirs as im going anyway. Leaving the aupair with no car means if I don't do it Im driving past them.
I'm going to mean if I don't but will resent it if I do

OP posts:
thelmachicken · 21/08/2014 17:34

So they want you to take their kids but their au pair won't be able to take your child in return?

extraneous · 21/08/2014 17:35

An au pair shouldn't even have a baby in his charge afaik. I'd say no without feeling bad.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/08/2014 17:35

Just say no, they can hint all they like. If you say yes you will be ducked into an arrangement that is difficult to get out of!

blueshoes · 21/08/2014 17:42

As a working parent, I don't like to suggest any schoolrun arrangement with a non-working parent simply because of the inherent inequality of the arrangement. If I get into difficulties, I prefer to call on another working parent because they will understand and not start to get prickly thinking about the future and exploitation and all that.

You are fine to say no.

SweetsForMySweet · 21/08/2014 17:53

YANBU, it's the parents fault if they hired a nanny for school going children who can't drive/doesn't have a car. Just say you prefer to travel alone. If pushed just say it doesn't suit you for various unexplained reasons but you'll let them know if you change your mind eg the fourth of never!

BringMeSunshine2014 · 21/08/2014 18:00

I would probably say to them that I am not prepared to take on the responsibility and hassle of it, but if they are there when we are going past they're welcome to jump in the car/walk with us (because if it's walking distance, I'd be walking it most of the time anyway).

Strikes me as odd though that you will be going past them in the car - would they not have set out long before you?

SweetsForMySweet · 21/08/2014 18:10

Op YADNBU, it's the parents fault if they hired a nanny for school going children who can't drive/doesn't have a car. Just say you prefer to travel alone. If pushed just say it doesn't suit you for various unexplained reasons but you'll let them know if you change your mind eg the fourth of never!

[Grin] at "non-working parent" and "prickly thinking", blueshoes the op doesn't have to ferry anyone's children around just because she is a work at home mother. Who minds your children all day while you work? Would you be so rude cheeky as to suggest to them that they (the childminder/creche/teachers/au pair) are "non-working" too just because YOU don't class people looking after your children all day as "work" or is it just the parents who choose to rear their own children in their own home you wear judgy pants for have a chip about?

Happy36 · 21/08/2014 18:34

You are not being unreasonable.

slithytove · 21/08/2014 18:56

I don't think blueshoes was being negative, I think she was saying that reciprocal arrangements can often become unfairly weighted on the at home parent which can lead to bad relationships. So she doesn't do it.

Ihatefootball · 21/08/2014 19:01

You should tell them an au pair should not have sole charge of a baby, so they should be looking after the baby while the au pair takes the other two to school. Who in their right mind would have an 18 year old look after three young kids?

nannynick · 21/08/2014 19:10

These 2 school children are in the same class as your 4 year old, will do the same after school activities? Thought not, UANBU to say no.

Help each other out on occasion by all means but no commitment.

TheCraicDealer · 21/08/2014 19:20

YANBU OP. Knock that on the head now. If you feel the need for an excuse mention that you're starting a few activities in the coming school year and wouldn't be able to get into a routine with another family. Soz.

Blue was being pretty sound there. There's plenty who would see SAHP as a vein of convenience to be tapped, but Blue's purposefully avoiding that because they know that they can't return the favour to the same extent. Fair frigs.

blueshoes · 21/08/2014 19:44

Sweets, you don't have to get your knickers in a twist over my post.

Craic and slithy have got my meaning.

SweetsForMySweet · 21/08/2014 20:10

So did I blueshoes Smile

maddening · 21/08/2014 21:51

I wouldn't mind the going to school part but the picking up - on the understanding that you will leave without them if they are late.

the parents could pay a taxi to pick them up since they save so much on childcare.

Original poster
crje · 22/08/2014 00:13

Thanks feel happier now.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 22/08/2014 00:37

I didnt read 'blues' post as a Dump on OP. She wrote practical and honestly.
Sweets I'm not sure how you are reading into that