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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she was full of shih tzu?

47 replies

UpSheFlew · 20/08/2014 15:28

A woman (me) walks into a cafe to meet my friend. My friend is talking to another woman, who transpires is her neighbour. Never met her before. Never wanna meet her again. Usual pleasantries, name, occupation, number of children, name(s) of children, age(s) of children, colour of underwear etc. I have one DD, aged 1.

Usual oul shite, "ooh, when you going again?" I'm not. We're one and done as the Yanks would say. Lots of reasons, none of them her business therefore, none of them disclosed. Got the inevitable "oh she'll be lonely" etc. Not the first time I've heard that old sausage. I handled it the usual way and pointed out her abundance of cousins and our intention to make sure we do all we can to make sure she's never lonely. Then she says, "...but only one child doesn't make it a real family". No, no, you're right. It isn't a family. It's a... banana. Yes, we aren't a family, we are a banana.

OK, I'm talking ring there, but you get the gist. According to this person, 2 parents and one child are not a real family. Ergo, I am not a real mother I suppose. Is she alone in her thoughts? Anyone here think it's unreasonable to suggest that a 3 person unit is, in fact, a family and not a banana?

I know she probably didn't process her thoughts before opening her gaping hole mouth, but still, it stung. And what did I do? What witty retort did I come back with? Nada, nothing, naught. Well, to be fair, I joined MN and gave out stink to a bunch of strangers. Go me.

OP posts:
MintyCatLeaf · 20/08/2014 15:30

WTF was she on about.

Of course you're a family!

Floop · 20/08/2014 15:31

You did marvellously, incredibly well to not punch her in the face. Well done ThanksThanks

nicename · 20/08/2014 15:32

'Oh do fuck off' - it works well in most situations/social events.

zeezeek · 20/08/2014 15:33

Some people are idiots and really need to find more interesting things to comment about than other people's reproductive intents.

UpSheFlew · 20/08/2014 15:34

Yeah, that's what I thought. But this doll has it on good authority from f@ck-knows-who that in order to pass the family test, you must have 2.4 kids and a couple of pets. Hmmm, actually, we have a cat. Shit, should've mentioned the cat. That might have given a bit of weight to us.

OP posts:
CatsAreLikeChocolates · 20/08/2014 15:35

Go you indeed! I think the french call it l'esprit d'escalier in the frustratingly cool way of theirs, which means only thinking of the witty retort on your
way down the stairs. I think "No, you're right. It's a banana!" would've been perfect. I sometimes use "Well when you get it right the first time there's really no need to try again", but only because "Fuck off and mind your own business" sometimes offends.

As for it being in some way odd to have one dc rather than several, it worked for the bears didn't it?

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 20/08/2014 15:35

She sounds monumentally dim, and not just about only children.

I can't stand being asked about plans for future children (not least because I have to stop and two and didn't really want to). I don't think my reproduction plans, if any, are anyone else's business, and I was brought up never to ask this.

NigellasPeeler · 20/08/2014 15:37

oh don't worry she was an idiot.
I also have been told that we are 'not a family' as it is just me and two kids.
WTF?

WorraLiberty · 20/08/2014 15:38

She probably worded it wrong and meant that's not her idea of a family.

Either way, it's none of her business and she was rude to say anything.

Don't pay it another thought.

MarchEliza · 20/08/2014 15:39

Of course this counts as a family - in just the same way as it would if you were a one-parent family with one child. What an idiot.

Incidentally I was an only child. Any flights of fancy about wanting a brother or sister were soothed by not having to share my things; not having to share the attention of my parents; having more money as a family - and I even managed not to turn out completely spoiled and ghastly (even though I had a pony.)

ReigningQueen · 20/08/2014 15:43

She was talking crap. I don't why so many people have to voice stupid opinions on other peoples lives and be concerned with them but unfortunately they do.

UpSheFlew · 20/08/2014 15:49

Cheers all for your words, much appreciated. You're probably right WorraLiberty. I'm living in a place where it's more like an average of 3.4 kids so 1 is a rare sight. We are the lesser spotted banana round these here parts.

MarchEliza, thanks for that too. Always good to hear from happy only children. As opposed to the very sad, maladjusted, spoiled, weird, anti-social variety that I'm led to believe are in the majority. Allegedly. Nice work on the ole pony there too!

OP posts:
TheJiminyConjecture · 20/08/2014 15:49

I like to say 'personally I prefer anal so...' usually shuts the conversation down fast. I appreciate that this strategy is not for everyone Grin

InternetFOREVER · 20/08/2014 15:49

So... one child isn't a family, which means I'm not really a parent, which means I don't have to do any parenting, which means I can crack the wine open about now. I like this woman's style Grin

Floggingmolly · 20/08/2014 15:52

A couple, without any children at all can be a family too...

amyhamster · 20/08/2014 15:55

I'd have said 'so when are you leaving so I can have a chat with someone who doesn't spout bollocks'
well i would have said that in my head at least Grin

fluffyraggies · 20/08/2014 15:57

My mum was an only, my dad was an only and i'm an only. They/we were all families.

My DD4 is so much younger than her 3 older sisters that she will grow up basically an only too. Families come in all shapes and sizes. The happiness of the people within is the main thing.

We are all happy well adjusted people. Fret not OP Flowers

Castlemilk · 20/08/2014 15:57

'Good gracious, I've heard about people this breaktakingly rude but I've never actually met one in real life. How exciting! Do you mind if I take a picture? No, better, a video. Say another really inappropriate, thoughtless and utterly horrid thing to someone you've never met before, while I film. Stand still now...'

bonkersLFDT20 · 20/08/2014 15:58

She sounds like a twat.

Maryz · 20/08/2014 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AliceInSandwichLand · 20/08/2014 16:00

When I had my second DD my MIL said to me, "Now you're a real family." I have never forgotten - that was 16 years ago. I am a happy only child. My mother is a happy only child. Even my older DD thinks that the implication that a one child family is lacking something was really insulting. You are so justified!

OnlyLovers · 20/08/2014 16:02

She's a silly mare.

I'm not surprised you were too gobsmacked to say anything witty back (such sheer stupidity/rudeness can be breathtaking), but I understand your frustration at not saying 'Oh do fuck off' or 'Actually I prefer anal' as suggested here. Grin

AbbieHoffmansAfro · 20/08/2014 16:03

I work with a man who is a fantastic and very happy only child of nice parents. He is close to his cousins too, doesn't seem to have 'missed out' at all. It's such bollocks.

rookiemater · 20/08/2014 16:19

'personally I prefer anal so... - that's ace I'm so hoping that I have the nerve to use that some day.

Our DS seems well adjusted and replaces the lack of siblings with neighborhood children, who despite lack of hospitality on my part, seem to want to spend most of their time in our house, eating our frubes/smoothies and playing on the x-box.

Crinkle77 · 20/08/2014 16:27

You should have said you were unable to have any more and watch her face drop.

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