to worry about going off on mat leave after accepting new job?

[whootwhoot]

To be clear, I am not pregnant yet but dh and were hoping to start ttc #1 after Christmas. We are very recently married and I am 37 so time not really on my side! I have always been quite career focused and have landed an excellent new job with the help and support of a mentor who has coached me over the last few years and I will now be working directly for this woman. She is great - pulls no punches, gets things done and has no patience for timewasters. She has a fearsome reputation but I really admire her strength and what she has achieved and she also has a reputation for really supporting those she believes in. There were 20 odd other applicants for the job and I had to fight off some fierce competition to land it. Of course I am delighted. In our first meeting in my new role, I told her how pleased I was and she said "just don't go off on mat leave now and leave me in the lurch!". She said it jokingly but I am in no doubt she meant it. She is single, no kids, chose career over kids and I respect her decisions. She has been very supportive so far and while I am confident in my abilities I doubt I would have gotten to this level so quickly without her looking out for me. Of course I am not going to put off ttc because of a job....you never know how long it will take. But I feel quite guilty. AIBU to even worry about it?

No, don't feel bad.

Maternity leave is something you're legally entitled to. Nothing to feel guilty about.

Besides, you can hardly have your baby at your desk, can you? Maternity leave is pretty necessary.

It's understandable to worry as you respect her, feel she has guided you in your career and you don't want to let her down , so to speak.

You want a baby , that trumps the nerves you're feeling.

Stop worrying.

You might have to face facts that she is going to be a bit huffed when you have a baby, but don't let it stop you. You can't live your life by a job

Don't let the new job interfere with starting ttc, especially considering you are 37 (there is no good time to start a family).~

Although I would only start TTC after being in the role for a couple of months so that you are definitely entitled to stat mat pay (I think it has to be 6 weeks after your commencement date).

You may be trying for a couple of months or longer, and pregnancy takes 9 months - so at worst case you will be working in the role for at least a year before going off. Take 6 months off so that you are entitled to get your exact job back and hey presto - everyone is happy!.... unless you don't want to return, and then worry about that nearer the time...

Oh that sucks! She's made HER choices but you're under no obligation to her to make the same choices!

FWIW I found I was pregnant when I'd accepted a new job and was working my notice. On day 1 I had to say to my boss "erm, I'm pregnant" . They were absolutely fine with me - still put me forward for all of my training courses etc (exactly as they SHOULD have done of course, but we all know some companies can be rotters).

YANBU to worry but you can't let it change your plans.

I was really worried about telling my boss I was pregnant but he's been great about it. I was very upfront though - I said I was still committed (which I am) and that while I didn't have a crystal ball my strong intention is to be back full time after maternity leave. I then organised an excellent person to cover (she starts week after next for a month long handover) and said I would do some keeping in touch days.

I'm in a similar position, I started a brilliant new job at the beginning of the month which I got against all odds, and we are thinking of TTC after Christmas too. I had a MMC last year which took us a long time to get over. I'm worried about how my boss will react, but at the end of the day it is only a job. When you're sitting at your dinner table in a few years time with your lovely child, you won't give your boss or the job a second thought. You don't know how easily you'll be able to get pregnant so I'd be wary of putting it off and risking problems just to keep your boss happy.

Be prepared for her to be pissed. She obviously chose you for a reason and now you are going to have to make sure that you are committed to your job. Personally I think that going off on ML shortly after taking a new job is seriously taking the piss and I would not want to employ someone who did that and I would sure as well not want to pay out for training and career development until I was sure that they were back and working FT for me.

But then, I'm a bitch.

As others have said you are protected by the law etc etc so do what you want.

You seem to be quite clear that the situation will not put you off TTC (as it should be).

So, it is what it is - your decision is clearly the right one, as everyone here has been telling you. Yes, you'll have to find the best possible way to announce it to your boss when you do get pregnant... but the rest is not up to you, is it? Her reaction will be what it will be (maybe better than you seem to assume!), and there's nothing you can do about it.

There is absolutely no use worrying about things that are beyond your control.

Personally I think that going off on ML shortly after taking a new job is seriously taking the piss

zeezeek, is it really taking the piss if the employee is in her late 30s though? would you seriously expect her to jeopardize her chance at ever having a family just to prove to you that she is committed to her job?

"just don't go off on mat leave now and leave me in the lurch!"

She needs to be very careful saying things like this.

I see it from both sides; DH and I are employers and it would be very disruptive to our small business if a relatively new employee did take maternity leave very shortly after starting, but we would simply have to suck this up and make provision. On hypothetically employing a newly-married woman in her late 30's who has never categorically stated her intentions regarding starting a family (as indeed we wouldn't expect her to), we would factor in the likelihood of imminent maternity leave DH would probably try and employ someone else entirely but I NEVER SAID THAT.

Any inconvenience or disappointment she experiences is kind of her fault for taking you on in that role the first place

I see it from both sides too, but I think it's always wrong to resent women employees for exercising their rights.

If you want to blame someone, blame either nature, or our maternity leave system that doesn't compensate small businesses properly for the costs of maternity leave (thereby making all women less employable, as ViviPru pointed out). Or blame both.

There's no denying that it would be a PITA for your new employer (my mum employed a woman who announced a week in that she'd just found out that she was pregnant and it caused a lot of hassle. It later transpired that she lied and had known before even interviewing but that's a whole other issue...!) but you need to put yourself first in situations like this. Just starting ttc and see what happens - there are laws in place for a reason.

But isn't it a bit risky TTC when you haven't been there a year? You don't know that, if you get pregnant, you won't have problems that may mean you need to go on Mat leave earlier than you expect, so you may not accrue maternity rights?

And bear in mind that it will affect how the company treats you if you need to ask any favours. I once worked with someone who became pregnant unexpectedly soon after starting the job. No-one begrudged her that, and they were all very understanding when she took off a lot of time due to quite severe morning sickness. However, the company's holiday year end came in the middle of her pregnancy and she made sure that she took her full entitlement of leave both for the first holiday year and the next one, plus her maternity leave; altogether in her first year she actually worked less than three months and her department's budget and profit figures were quite badly affected as a result. She insisted she was coming back, but shortly before she was due to do so she said she was moving with her partner and gave in her notice. Then that all fell through and she asked if she could come back. Unsurprisingly, the answer was No.

Yes I do recognise it will be a challenge for new boss, but I will be there for about a year before I go off (all going to plan....which of course it may not) and I will definitely be going back. Thanks for all the support - helped ease my guilty conscience somewhat!

Icimoi - maternity rights (against discrimination) start from day one of employment so OP doesn't have to worry about that if she goes on mat leave earlier than expected. She will get maternity pay if she is employed with them in week 25 of the pregnancy, and was not pregnant in the month after she started.

I got pregnant four months into a new job twice, actually the first time I had just gone from temp to perm so was actually pregnant when I applied for the perm role but as my service in the temp role counted, I got mat pay both times.

The second time, they tried to make me redundant but they were bastards and would have done that even if I wasn't pregnant - luckily as I had my maternity employment rights I forced them to redeploy me whilst I was on mat leave, then found another job before I was due to return and had great satisfaction in resigning -what goes around comes around and all that.

Seriously OP you will never have more employment rights than when you are pregnant. You have far more rights in your first two years of employment being pregnant than not - in my case if I had not been pregnant when they had tried to make me redundant I'd have had no legal recourse and would have had to just suck it up.

I started my current job at 19 weeks pregnant - do I get a prize?!? . I did worry a little (I accepted the job after a long recruitment process that lasted from November to March, offer made in May, I got pregnant 3 days after accepting and started in the September). I did tell them before I started and it wasn't an issue, but I am a civil servant so not a small business and they are a very family-friendly employer. I returned to work part time after 9 months off and increased my hours a few months after that. It is the right job for me and I had my baby at the right time for me. I don't plan to ever leave this job, and I don't plan to have any more DCs (this was baby no.2 for me). They haven't done too badly out of the deal really - I got no mat pay (I did get mat allowance from the DWP) and I'm now back at work and fully functional.

I would never make a life decision as important as planning a family based on what someone at work might think. Who gives a shit if she thinks your job isn't a priority? It isn't a priority! Certainly it's not more important than if and when to have a child. Anyone who thinks it should be is just an idiot.

But it is a priority to the woman who gave her the job and invested a lot of time into her business (or employer). It's not unreasonable of her to be worried about the impact of a new employee going off for what could be up to a year? Or are we causing prejudice to one set of women in favour of another these days?

It's just a job. Work and jobs should never take priority over the people we love and family life.

That's your opinion and you are entitled to it. Some people invest a lot of time and effort into their work because that is their choice. Employers can often invest a lot of money, time and effort into the development of talented people in their workforce. It is, therefore, reasonable of these employers to want their employees to then invest time and effort into their job? If people don't want that responsibility in life, fine. If you want children, fine. But if people want to do well in their job, then they have to be there doing the job and not on ML. I know this is clumsily worded but hopefully you'll understand what I mean without giving me (another) flaming!

There are no rules against what you are doing. But .. When people like you go off on maternity leave shortly after taking a job, well, it is easy to see how (particularly small employers) might take the once bitten twice shy attitude and start either employing men only or women who are no of child bearing age. This might not be fair of them but they could (fairly reasonably) argue that by your behaviour, you are not being particularly fair either.

individual women should not have to sacrifice their legal rights so that their employers don't start behaving unfairly (and illegally) towards other women!

Yes Simon I can see how that could ( and clearly does) happen. I just don't know what the solution is. I don't want to feel like I am setting the cause back, but not sure I could live with myself if I left it too late to have children. Hence my struggle!

For reference...it's a large multinational.

Exactly. A period of ML is a drop in the ocean compared to a full career span.

Why is it ok for OP to take maternity leave 4 years into a job (when she's established in the post and knows the role inside out) than just after a year? If you assume maternity leave is a good thing why does it matter when it's taken?

And for the record, I got my current job after the previous person took extended paternity leave, and didn't come back. I wonder if my employer would be less likely to employ a man again after that ?