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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Next door neighbour dispute - I am on the verge of going nuclear!

75 replies

OlderMummy1 · 19/08/2014 21:30

Bit of backstory...

We live on a small road off another road. On our small road are 4 semi detached houses. We live furthest from the road in House 1. We also own House 2 which we rent out to almost cover the mortgage. It was my house before I married my DH, is very small and is almost out of negative equity. House 3 has the neighbours from hell and in House 4 lives a quiet, elderly single chap. His house is nearest the road.

About 5 years ago a same sex couple (women) rented our house. We were always pleasant with them, they were civil but seemed quite grumpy. We put it down to them maybe having faced some prejudice in the past and just maintained a casual 'hello' type relationship with them. They seemed to resent paying us rent and often slipped comments into conversations such as 'well, with all the money we pay you I'm sure you can afford it' etc.

2 years ago the man who lived in House 3 died and the same sex couple (now known as the neighbours from hell NFH) bought it. They then seemed to become really grumpy and never passed a civil word with us. That suited us as we are very quiet and like to keep ourselves to ourselves. They then applied for planning permission for an extension. We had to object as it was so close to our properties that it makes them look like terraced houses and our houses have now dropped in price due to the extension going ahead. I think this was the catalyst to them hating us.

They then approached us about having the House 2 and 3 joined drives tarmaced. We were expecting our 1st child then after a long hard infertility road and were broke. They asked us to contribute £1000 to the drive and, after some humming and ahhhing, we agreed as we had just enough savings. They then came back 2 weeks later and said it would cost us nearer £3000. We said we couldn't afford it. NFH then said they would pay the bulk of it and we could still pay the £1000 which we eventually did.

Since then relationships have deteriorated. They scowl at us all the time and say horrible things to us to other neighbours and any workmen we employ. We have since had baby number 2 and are quite cramped in the house. My husband needed a study so we had a small outside wooden office built. The NFH objected to this on the grounds that we have too many deliveries and they are sick of delivery vans coming down our small road.

Last week they stuck a huge sign on their car back window saying 'slow down!' It was obviously aimed at us and my husband went round. He is a very laid back, reasonable man. They called him an idiot and said they were sick of delivery men driving over their rockery at the end of the drive. They said I should go to the shops instead - easier said than done with 2 children under 2 and still suffering the after effects of spd. My baby needs special milk which also needs to be delivered. They both ranted and shouted at him for about 10 minutes, saying he drives too fast up our small road (which to be fair I have told him off about before). He told them that the parcel situation wouldn't be changing but he would go slower on the road in future.

The final straw was today. I was in the garden with the babies when one of the NFH opened our side gate and yelled something at me. I didn't catch what it was so I went out. She showed me her rockery all scattered all over the drive and told me that one of the delivery drivers did it. I apologised but said that there was nothing I could do about it. She ranted on for a bit and I offered to take a photo and complain to Amazon which I have done.

I am at the end of my tether with them. I am sleep deprived and feel that if they speak to them again I am going to explode and tell them to just fuck off. My husband said to just leave it to him. I want to move but we can't afford it at the moment. Should we offer to pay for their rockery damage? Are we being unreasonable having a delivery probably every other day?

I just feel I need an outsiders view on this.

OP posts:
Longdistance · 19/08/2014 23:09

Next time you encounter these neighbours tell them, I live NEXT door to you, not WITH you fuck off

KnittedJimmyChoos · 19/08/2014 23:10

Fluffy, they lived on the road and knew op owned two houses and clearly didnt like them then, when they rented so why buy?

OneSkinnyChip · 19/08/2014 23:11

Urgh, people like this are a pain OP but they really aren't neighbours from hell.

Honestly your best revenge is to ignore them, live your life and be happy. If they want to be bitter and unpleasant they'll find a reason no matter how nice you are.

You are entitled to get deliveries to your door. If they give you any grief tell them to fuck off and make complaints to the delivery company. Not your problem.

HaroldLloyd · 19/08/2014 23:18

I don't think either of you have done anything particularly bad to each other to be honest.

You don't deserve their ire, and they do have a point with your DH and the going fast, if you've noticed it, they probably have although their passive aggressive communication must have been annoying.

Is there any glaring reason why delivery trucks go over their rockery, is it in a stupid place? I would suggest if you answer the door to deliveries, mention it to this drivers.

I had so many amazon deliveries after DS was born I was almost friends with the driver, knew all about this family! It's so useful when you have such young babies.

I wouldn't get involved any more than that though, next time they complain suggest they write to amazon. You can't be held accountable for their behaviour surely?

I would get a print off of amazons complaints department ready and just hand it over next time.

I find it strange that every single delivery driver goes over their rocks. Are they exaggerating?

fluffyduffydoo · 19/08/2014 23:23

err because they rented from the OP then bought one of the four houses on the street when it came on the market?

If they were hat set on hating their neighbours I doubt they would have taken a mortgage out on their house

OlderMummy1 · 19/08/2014 23:36

Thank you everyone. You've given us somethings to think about :-)

OP posts:
SistersOfPercy · 19/08/2014 23:48

Very disappointed that I've reached the end of this and queen still hasn't enlightened us as to what makes op the neighbor from hell.
Unless op is randomly pulling delivery drivers out of their vans and stealing them just to drive over the neighbors rockery...

Tikimon · 20/08/2014 03:26

I'd just tell her the delivery company and let them complain to the company itself. It's got fuckall to do with you.

Echocave · 20/08/2014 10:16

It does seem strange that they wanted to live in the same street after apparently being grumpy all through their tenancy in your house. I am wondering if they thought you were noisy etc when they rented next door and so have a chip on their shoulder about you being difficult neighbours.
I'm sure our neighbours think we are pains in the backside because we have a toddler and a baby. They're not very noisy children but neighbours are all pensioners and when I heard their grandchildren visiting for the first time I was shocked at how noise travelled.

You've done the right thing re your DH's driving. With deliveries, I think you could put something about the rockery/neighbours' drive in the delivery instruction (I'm sure Amazon has a box for this) and if it continues you'll have to make a complaint.

I can see this is unpleasant as nobody likes to be disliked for no apparent reason, but they actually could be worse. I've read some awful stories on here about nightmare neighbours (I remember one about a bit of guttering/roof that the neighbour wouldn't fix properly or fixed deliberately so that a leak became the OP's problem).

icanmakeyouicecream · 20/08/2014 10:34

Your DH should slow down.

Other than I would absolutely tell them to fuck off - or kill them with niceness.

Starchild28 · 20/08/2014 10:45

Why was it relevant to mention that they were a same sex couple, as opposed to just a couple? It sounds like you may be more uncomfortable with that than anything else.

If you Dh is driving too fast then they have a point about that, in regards to you having deliveries, that's not anything to do with them. If their property is being damaged they need to take that up with the companies themselves.

PlumpPartridge · 20/08/2014 10:48

Ok, here is my judgement:

You and the neighbours have a history of small neighbour-type issues, nothing major. They may have been closer to unfriendly than friendly.

They are now pretty much openly hostile, to the point of leaving passive-aggressive signs up for you.

You think that their ire is due to:

a) your objection to their planning permission
Answer: You had every right to object to the planning project if it impacted on your property.

b) Your DH's fast driving
Answer: They have a point. He's owned up and agreed to slow down.

c) The frequency of your Amazon deliveries and consequent poor drivers in your road
Answer: I can see why they are annoyed, but they're unreasonable to expect you to change a practice which is more convenient for you at the present time. This is all part of living in proximity to other people, I'm afraid!

d) general disgruntlement at having had to pay you money in the past (presumably left-over landlord-dislike).
Answer: Unreasonable and petty of them but they're unlikely to change.

My suggested actions:

  1. put up a big sign advising delivery drivers to go slow and take care on your road. The neighbours will probably tell you the sign is an eyesore, but they can't fault the sign. If they try to tell you to change your habits, just say 'I'm afraid that does not work for us at this point in time' and repeat until they get it.

  2. Ignore further aggressive outbursts and be the most reasonable people that ever lived. This will anger them Grin

  3. Move.

Good luck Flowers

SorryForTheTypos · 20/08/2014 10:53

Agree with OneSkinny it's annoying when you don't get on with your neighbours but nothing you've described makes me think neighbours from hell.

Like Gordy I was a bit Hmm when you said your husabnd had gone round regarding the sign. If you already know he drives too fast, what was he hoping to achieve?

Your husband drives too fast - you've tackled him and I imagine this is no longer happening? So that's one of their concerns crossed off.

They don't like the delivery drivers driving over their rockery - that's for them to take up. Yes, they're bringing it to you as an issue, but there's nothing you can do about it so just politely say you understand their issue but they will really have to take it up with the delivery company - give them the order/tracking number if it helps.

There's nothing major here at all. Although, could you elaborate on this They scowl at us all the time and say horrible things to us to other neighbours and any workmen we employ to give a bit more context?

It is horrible when your neighbours are a pain, but this sounds like a case of communications breaking down more than anything.

PlumpPartridge · 20/08/2014 11:05

Let's give the op a break on the 'neighbours from hell' phrase - tbf they don't sound that bad, but I'm sure the op thinks they are quite bad enough!

We don't want this thread to derail into tales of competitive hellish neighbors ("They stole our fish from the pond and ATE them!! With LEMON!!" Count yourself lucky op!!)

Cheeky76890 · 20/08/2014 11:08

The damage vehicles do to the rockery is the fault of the company delivering the goods.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 20/08/2014 11:15

We live on a private road. If I ever have an issue with a delivery driver or courier, for whatever reason, I take it up with either the driver him/herself, or the company for whom they work. The person to whom they deliver is not responsible for the manner in which they drive, neither should you be responsible for any rockery damage unless you have done it yourself (naturally). No-one can dictate to another how many deliveries they are permitted to receive at any one time.

Of course, your DH needs to slow down and hopefully will, and also not quite sure why it is relevant to mention that this is a same-sex couple. The Neighbours From Hell would have been quite enough information. Smile

Hope you get it all sorted. Flowers

OneSkinnyChip · 20/08/2014 11:42

Plump :o

Yes Typos I had forgotten the bit you copied about them bitching to other people. What sort of stuff are they saying? I do think they just had a chip on their shoulder from when they were renting. If you didn't do anything particularly bad it might be the general 'haves and have-nots' division. I do remember the frustration of not being able to afford to buy a home and knowing I was paying someone else's mortgage - but I would never have been rude and obnoxious enough to say anything to the very nice LL!

OneSkinnyChip · 20/08/2014 11:43

I think the OP mentioned they were a same-sex couple because she wondered if they had been given grief in the past over it and had therefore decided to keep themselves to themselves. I don't think she has any sinister agenda.

PlumpPartridge · 20/08/2014 11:52

Yes, I think that too Skinny. I didn't read it as 'AND they're gay!' at all.

eddielizzard · 20/08/2014 11:52

well your dh driving too fast IS an issue but as he's stopped that, that's good.

delivery vans driving over and destroying landscape is also upsetting. can you look at widening the road in any way? is there a decent turning point at the end of the road? could you make a deal with the first house to get parcels delivered there so they don't drive down the small road?

i would also look at lumping orders together so you don't have so many deliveries.

i know how upsetting neighbour disputes are. i have a couple myself! but it does seem to me that if i were in their shoes i'd be upset.

in your shoes, people shouting at me is very upsetting too.

but they are not the neighbours from hell - trust me. i've experienced far far worse.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 20/08/2014 11:58

I think the OP mentioned they were a same-sex couple because she wondered if they had been given grief in the past over it and had therefore decided to keep themselves to themselves. I don't think she has any sinister agenda

Okay, fair enough - thanks, Skinny and Plump! Smile
(You're not a comedy double-act, by any chance, are you)? Grin Grin

PlumpPartridge · 20/08/2014 12:05

No, but we should be Grin

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 20/08/2014 12:47

Heeheehee!

OnlyLovers · 20/08/2014 13:59

I'd print off a stack of Amazon complaints forms (and any other companies who regularly deliver to you) and give them to them. Explain that you are as displeased as they are about the careless driving but it is up to them to complain to the company.

Ignore any further passive-aggressive notices or comments. Policy: say it straight or we will not respond.

Why the eff does it matter that they're a same-sex couple? I find it weird that you've even mentioned it.

OneSkinnyChip · 20/08/2014 14:27

:o

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