To want my husband to be a better housewifel

[MarianneSolong]

He's retired and I have increased my working hours. So today he was basically at home with our teenage daughter, while I was out all day.

He's not a bad cook and likes shopping but he's not very good at remembering to top up basic supplies, and also sometimes cooks in a way that's ambitious but not very well balanced.

So tonight he served a 3 course dinner

1. Odd starter of fried mango slices with teeny salad garnish. (It tasted okay, but I think I prefer just having mango as a fresh fruit.)
2. Omelettes. He'd made those before we had the starter and not put them in a low oven/or on hot plates. So the omelettes were warmish rather than hot. He'd also announced that they would be served with 'garden vegetables' These turned out to be two bits of runner beans, as there were fewer beans and peas to pick in our back garden than he had anticipated. (We did have lots of other veg in the house and salad materials, so he could have supplemented the two bits of bean - but changing to Plan B is not a strong point.)
3. A good ready made cheesecake.

I only really got annoyed when he announced afterwards that we were completely out of eggs. I'd reminded him before going out to shop for all the ingredients he'd need for supper - but hadn't said to top up supplies, though I often remind him that shopping is about checking that we have enough basics. I'd just have thought it was obvious that if you were going shopping and cooking with eggs that night, you'd check that there would be some left for the next day.

I am torn between knowing that he's having a go and feeling a bit frustrated at there being stuff he just never quite gets the hang of. (This was also a day on which he'd managed to break/damage something quite major.)

I still think your egg obsession is a bit weird - I agree they are a staple, but nothing bad will happen if there are no eggs in the house overnight. Ok, it's one of your things, but it isn't for most people, so YANBU getting cross because he doesn't share a personal quirk of yours.

The meal sounds...interesting. I sure he also noticed the cold omelette and will do things differently next time. Fried mango is a thing: I imagine he read about it somewhere or saw a recipe online.

My OH cooks a lot but generally curry, chilli, baked fish or salad. I wish he'd be a bit more adventurous, to be honest, it's appreciated (and he appreciates when I cook) but it gets a bit boring on his nights.

I dont think YABU. But did you have a discussion about his new role at home and what it entails now? If you are working and he is now at home I would expect him to take on the housework and cooking for the most part but you need to guide him if it's quite a new responsibility for him. I wasn't good at running a house at first but I learned. Give him a chance, it sounds like he is willing to try.

I'm grateful when he helps. me paint my toes when I'm pregnant even if it looks crap. or starts clearing out the fridge without being asked. or strips the bed cause I haven't got round to it yet.

The toenails thing is nice.

But why is cleaning out the fridge & stripping the bed your job that he needs to be asked to help you with?

(fair enough if you're one of those couples who has a really strict, unbending division of jobs. DP and I just do what needs doing between us, whenever it needs it)

I agree with the posters who have said that if he is not used to cooking it might take time - however the OP has said her DP is quite foodie so now I'm even more surprised that he served up a crap omelette.

I also really want a lovely (hot!) cheesy mushroom omelette for dinner :)

FFS, he's retired with no Childcare to do and OP is at work, having increased her hours. Why shouldn't he shop, cook and clean. And cooking is producing a reasonable, balanced meal. If last night is illustrative of what OP usually gets, I'm not surprised she's fed up.

coffee I really want an omelette now!

We're accidentally a bit of a 1950s couple because dh has a crazy career and does freelance work in the evenings and weekends and I have been signed off workf or the foreseeable because of my mental health. I dont' really expect him to do anything round the house... but if he said he would make tea then do something crap and leave loads of dishes everywhere I'd be a bit like ... C'mon

Typos galore sorry

I'm also thinking why did you need the eggs

My husband makes the worst omelettes ever - really thin and used too much oil. I like fluffy omelettes. It annoys me.

Not sure about the rest tbh, but your teen should be washing up not you.

Happy to admit that the 'need' for eggs could not be rationally justified. Probably wanted some fresh air. The supermarket was wonderfully quiet at 7.30pm Picked up some reduced asparagus while I was there

Suspect that loads of domestic stuff is basically irrational. With some people it's cleaning rituals or arranging the cushions, or whether visitors should use a particular loo, and whether or not to take your shoes off. For me it's a well-stocked larder Both of us cook stuff from scratch and I like the feeling when you open fridges and cupboards and see that all the essentials are there.

Haven't read the entire thread and agree it's not a question of being grateful, but I don't think you should undermine and criticise all the time. You sound like you treat him as incompetent and being treated like that will take the obvious pleasure he is taking in cooking and pulling his weight around the house. There is more than one way to do things. I am hopeless at lists and checking what is in the cupboards but have managed to muddle through for the last forty odd years.

This is all about control.

The need for a well stocked larder at all times is your need and you admit that it cannot be rationally justified. Unless you were having eggs for breakfast then saying that he is disorganised for not ensuring that there were more eggs in the house is completely ridiculous.

The 3 course meal he cooked wasn't to your liking but that is the price of letting go of the responsibility of preparing and cooking the meals, you lose control of planning the menu.

Why should he do everything exactly as you would do it?

YANBU. It's hard when you work long hours and fancy a particular style of food for dinner and yiu are left feeling unsatisfied. TBH, that menu sounds vile.

I agree it is about control, a trap that WOHM can fall into easily.

I do not get the 'you should be grateful' comments. For a luke warm omelette?? Or because a man has cooked?

YANBU

Also, he bought the cheesecake (not made it) right?

I wouldn't be annoyed at him - because he's clearly making an effort - but it doesn't sound great. The food supplies thing he should be sorting out, it's not that hard, especially with things like eggs that keep for quite a long time. Maybe a list of things (like you've put here) that must be kept in stock would be handy?

But I don't know why you couldn't stand up for long enough to bung the omelettes in a low oven, or observe the salad was a bit scant and drag some lettuce out of the fridge or whatever. Were you sitting at the table with your napkin tucked in?

Actually if I were at work all day and had a partner who wasn't working, I'd expect them to do all the housework. And vice versa. Why did you do the washing up?

Unless you live in a McMansion - and then you'd need staff - it only takes a few hours a day to keep everything ticking over, cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking.

why are you doing a double shift?

Last night, by the time I had finished cooking dinner the cupboards were almost bare.

Imagine if I had started a thread here saying that DH had discovered that we had no eggs, and (despite us not needing them then or in the morning) DH had got annoyed and flounced off to the supermarket to restock the cupboards because I was too disorganised to manage.

LOB, I think being a working mother with a partner at home is a very hard dynmamic to explain unless you are in that position.

Maybe mrsruffallo but I don't believe that the OP's DH should have to do everything the OP's way.

I only really got annoyed when he announced afterwards that we were completely out of eggs

This has really touched a nerve with me because it is, by the OP's own admission not rational. So OP got annoyed with her DH for doing something that she cannot provide any rational explanation as to why it was wrong.

So why not just get annoyed with him for any old shit then?

So it's sounds like the main problem is his lack of ability to keep house and his organisation?
If he's learning a new habit which he hasn't had years of practise at (being in charge of the house, not cooking that is) then maybe he needs notes/lists and pointers to get him going in the right direction. I know this is more work for you in the first instance but the list of basics to check on the fridge sounds like a good idea?
Maybe he will respond well to guidelines?
I think it's hard not to look over someones shoulder when they aren't doing something the way you would but at least he's trying. Pick out a few recipes a week which you would like and leave him to it to sort the rest?

YANBU, but I see you have the insight to realise that this is related to the other changes in your life.

^I also think the person who cooks should wash up - otherwise what's the incentive to not use every frigging pot and pan in the house

Well tbf Tikimon my mum uses every pot and pan regardless of whose washing up. But i resent doing it because it is just so unnecessary. She also insists on serving dinner in serving dishes at the table rather than dishing up. So a meal for 2 can have 7 dirty saucepans, 3 roasting tins, 8 serving dishes, 3 sieves, untold knives and wooden spoons, mixing bowls, ramekins, whisks, spatulas etc.

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable. I eat eggs for breakfast nearly every day, so running out is a bit of a disaster.

An awful lot of time, effort and money can be saved by thinking ahead just a little bit.

I am the same about eggs. We go through so many in this house! Boiled. poached, friend, in cakes, pancakes (checks egg supply)