To want my husband to be a better housewifel

[MarianneSolong]

He's retired and I have increased my working hours. So today he was basically at home with our teenage daughter, while I was out all day.

He's not a bad cook and likes shopping but he's not very good at remembering to top up basic supplies, and also sometimes cooks in a way that's ambitious but not very well balanced.

So tonight he served a 3 course dinner

1. Odd starter of fried mango slices with teeny salad garnish. (It tasted okay, but I think I prefer just having mango as a fresh fruit.)
2. Omelettes. He'd made those before we had the starter and not put them in a low oven/or on hot plates. So the omelettes were warmish rather than hot. He'd also announced that they would be served with 'garden vegetables' These turned out to be two bits of runner beans, as there were fewer beans and peas to pick in our back garden than he had anticipated. (We did have lots of other veg in the house and salad materials, so he could have supplemented the two bits of bean - but changing to Plan B is not a strong point.)
3. A good ready made cheesecake.

I only really got annoyed when he announced afterwards that we were completely out of eggs. I'd reminded him before going out to shop for all the ingredients he'd need for supper - but hadn't said to top up supplies, though I often remind him that shopping is about checking that we have enough basics. I'd just have thought it was obvious that if you were going shopping and cooking with eggs that night, you'd check that there would be some left for the next day.

I am torn between knowing that he's having a go and feeling a bit frustrated at there being stuff he just never quite gets the hang of. (This was also a day on which he'd managed to break/damage something quite major.)

I agree. I'm stunned at the suggestion anyone should be grateful that another adult who eats in the house, also cooks

However, I'd still like to know how long the guy has been doing it compared to the OP.

If he's relatively new to it (for whatever reason) then it'll probably take a while to get into a routine.

I'm stung - the poor man trying to make an interesting first course with fried mango - and having it so bitchily rejected. Poor husband. OP, buy him a Nigella book and cut him so slack.

Relax, OP, you have been at work all day and he has made dinner. He cooked, his choice of what to make. Good on him for experimenting.

Of course there were no eggs left after he had made the omlette. He'll replace them on the next shopping trip.

In our house, one cooks the other does the dishes. I hate cooking, and am happy to do the dishes for DH. I don't see what the problem is?

If you don't like what he makes, you cook and have him wash up.

If you don't cook, you wash up load the dishwasher

Not sure I agree with make your own if you don't like what he cooks though.

We have a role reversal during school hols (dh is a teacher), things aren't always done the way I'd do them but I really enjoy the break.

Do you always cook what he wants?

Sounds like an easily resolved dilemma, starting with keeping a grocery list on the fridge. That is what we do, when we think of something, we jot it on the list.

The meal I have no comment on, other than, one cooks, someone else cleans.

Sounds utterly disgusting OP. I certainly wouldn't be grateful for that for dinner. I also think the person who cooks should wash up - otherwise what's the incentive to not use every frigging pot and pan in the house

Sounds like he is new to the home cooking scene? If my DH cooked me what you've described I'd be wondering if he's having an off day or had been drinking a bit too much of the cooking wine but he cooks all the time and we cook together too.

Buy your DH a couple of cookbooks (Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay are good for novice cooks with concerns about emasculation) and keep up some positive feedback. You don't want him getting frustrated and giving up completely to the point where you're eating takeaway pizza every night. He made an effort and that counts for something.

Yabvu. Your dh sounds like he has gone to a lot of effort. It might not be perfect food but sounds alright to me! My dp cooks a couple of times a week but I've never had 3 courses! Lucky you, I would suggest you give him a break, thank him for his efforts and buy him a cook book for xmas.

Jesus Christ I can't believe what I'm reading. Just because most of you have married idiots who are taking you for a ride doesn't mean that the OP has to be eternally grateful for any effort made by her DH.

LizLimone - So, only buy him male chef cookbooks as otherwise he'll feel emasculated? How is it emasculating cooking dinner? What would he do if he was single? Is it only emasculating when there's a woman there who 'should' be doing it? Even though she works full time?

Yes OP you should feel so lucky to have a DH who even deigns to cook for you. So much so you can never criticise any of it.

Fried mango?

Yeah, right....

He is retired, not your fucking skivvy. YABU. Tell him to LTB.

Yanbu. Almost complete lack of vegetables would have annoyed me.

Bloody hell are some of you for real? You are married to men who are so incompetent they can't even use a microwave even immediately after you have given birth? And this means other people should be grateful that they are married to people who manage to cope with what are basic survival tasks? Are these useless lumps capable of holding down jobs, being in charge of your children and wiping their own arses or do they require assistance with that too?

Perhaps you should have a serious look at where you set the bar.

Right, not having eggs over night isn't a disaster.

The meal doesn't sound great tbh. He did try but it's a bit too much faffing to be an every day event. How much cooking and meal planning was he involved in before retirement? Because there in may lie your problem.

It was a joke, stone. Keep your hair on.

The OP's husband is clearly of an older generation (retired) who is a novice cook so I imagined him being fearful of cookbooks and wary of any fancy kitchen stuff. A book by a man might be less intimidating for him, the poor dear. /sarcasm/

I thought this was a pretty light-hearted thread , no? Some of you need to calm down a bit.

I quite like the idea of fried mango. I'm impressed he made you a 3 course meal. If I made my DH a 3 course meal and he moaned about it I would be majorly annoyed. Plus he isn't really a house husband, he's retired.

If this was a man posting about his wife, all hell would break loose.

Yabu about the eggs. The world won't stop turning if you don't have them in the house tomorrow.

Yanbu about the meal, it sounds a bit crap. Fried mango

Yabu about the washing up, unless he used far more pots and pans than he needed - surely can't be that much after fried mango & omelette?

A 3 course meal that consists of a salad, an omelette (a snack food) and a bought dessert is nothing to write home about.

My dad is retired, late sixties and cooks proper meals for us when we visit- roasts with all the trimmings etc. we say thank you but he doesn't expect singing and dancing.

He also does the dishes uses the dishwasher.

I'd be p* ed off if someone finished the eggs and didn't replace them.

I think you're making a massive drama out of nothing OP. So he forgot eggs... Big deal... It's not the end of the world.

And I agree... Teenager should have done the dishes!

If a man came on here and posted this about his wife, this thread would be full of people piling on and telling him he was ungrateful.

He cooked dinner for you - so what, it wasn't perfect, he still thought of you and sorted out a three course meal for you when you got home from work. That's a nice thing to do. If he'd done bugger all and refused to cook for you ever, then there'd be cause for everyone to pile on and bitch. But as it stands, I don't see a problem. Not everyone is good with timings and not everyone is a wonderchef.

As for the eggs, really? Calm down. The world will not implode if you've run out of eggs for a few hours. Surely most people don't go shopping until they've run out of most things, or is that just me being lazy?

I get really pissed at dh when he cooks something rubbish. I know he can do better...and leaves loads of dishes. Hate that.

I'm grateful when he helps. me paint my toes when I'm pregnant even if it looks crap. or starts clearing out the fridge without being asked. or strips the bed cause I haven't got round to it yet.

I think the '3 course meal' is a bit of a red herring. 3 courses isn't hard if they are crappy/easy. Sorry, but fried mango - grim and not hard at all. Cold omelette with hardly any accompaniment - the easiest thing you can make and not nice (or enough for dinner surely?). Cheesecake - nice.

So out of 3 components 2 are easy and not very nice.

I would say exactly the same regardless of gender. You are supposed to enjoy what you eat and if someone who had all day to prepare something gave me this i'd be most unimpressed. I don't see the need for gushing gratitude. Presumably you take your turn to cook too? Part of cooking for someone is giving them something nice/what they'd like surely?

Hi everyone.

Bit more information. Yes, my husband's retired at 65. (His birthday was a few months back.) He has always done some cooking - which he enjoys - though mainly at weekends at the times when his job has kept him especially busy. We have lots of recipe books. For the last year of his working life he was winding down by doing freelance work on a consultancy basis, which gave him a chance to adapt to being at home more.

He's a very fit energetic man, who has started doing lots of new things now he has time to do more, and we both agreed that some domestic things - such as cooking would be split 50/50 after he stopped his old job. It maybe that some people will decide their male partners are instantly 'old' at 65 and can sit down and do nothing but be waited on. But that certainly isn't the deal between us! (I'm rather younger and am now working more outside the house - in addition to freelance stuff at home. Working from home used to be ideal as up until he was 64, he was doing very very long hours indeed - I could do all the stuff to do with orthodontic appointments, afterschool meetings etc.

We are both quite foodie and when he cooks he will always ask me several times, 'Has this turned out well?' 'Are you enjoying it?' 'Do you like this recipe?' Which is easy when something has turned out brilliantly - but less so when it's not that successful. I tend to veer on the side of being honest, as he genuinely wants to be an even better cook and to perfect particular dishes. (Though of course we all want unconditional admiration too.)

Teenager couldn't easily do dishes on this occasion. She was going out immediately after supper.

I did go to the supermarket to get eggs last night. Rather as some people can't relax unless the house is tidy, I really do feel it's better/more like home when we have a stock of basics - bread, milk, eggs, cheese, fruit, veg. (Husband though a bit more disorganised can also see the advantages in the cupboards not being bare.)

I think one partner retiring is actually quite a big deal/makes a big change in a relationship. But by and large we are managing....