To hide this from DP?

[Fixitagaintomorrow]

Basically I have spent the last two years dieting. Usually very restrictive diets as due to some old injuries I struggle to exercise, I do exercise daily but only gentle exercise. Enough to keep me active and healthy but not enough to class as a workout that will help me lose weight/tone up. So I've been on all the ones like slimfast, juice plus and these celeb diets, I can easily a stone in a week but obviously can't keep up such a restrictive diet and end up putting it all back on and then some. I've tried the whole healthy balanced thing but without proper exercise my weight just stays the same.

So yeah it's been like that for two years and now I just hate food. It seems to be all I think about but the thought of touching food just makes me feel nauseous now. Eating is a massive chore for me and until I get to the point where I feel dizzy I just can't bring myself to eat.

DP works away so doesn't see any of this but has noticed my weight loss (ironic really because now I'm losing weight quite steadily and keeping it off but this time it's not intentional) and keeps asking me if I'm eating so at weekends when he's home I have to force myself to eat in front of him. Now I'm finding myself preparing food while he's out or in the shower or whatever, hiding it in the bin and leaving the dirty plate on the side so I can say I've eaten.

I know I am being sort of unreasonable, I'm lying to him and that's wrong. I should add that his ex had an eating disorder and it affected him a lot and that's why I'm trying to keep it from him, I know he'll think the worst but I know I don't have an eating disorder, I'm not intentionally starving myself to lose weight I've just completely lost all interest in food. It's not a conscious decision. I guess I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm justified in trying to avoid upsetting anyone and I don't really have anyone in RL I can talk to about any of this.

[SpicyBear]

I'm going to join the go to the GP chorus. "Eating disorder" does not mean "starving to get skinny". I think deep down you know this as you wouldn't have posted here otherwise.

[ChoccaDoobie]

If you don't want to go to get help them you need to get yourself into a sensible eating routine. I feel pretty sure that your many diets have taken you to a place where you have forgotten how to listen to your body so you are no longer taking notice of the signs that you need to eat but the hiding it from your dp gives it a different dimension that I do think needs unpicking.

[Fixitagaintomorrow]

Sorry had to step away for a bit and have a really hard think about things. Thank you everyone, I guess did know, I just didn't want to admit it and needed someone else to say it. I've wanted to post about this for a while but I think I knew what response I'd get and didn't want to face it.

So what do I say to the GP? And what will happen after that? If I need to see someone from a mental health team will social services be notified?

God knows how I'm going to tell DP about this. Of all the reactions he could give I think I know which it will be, the worst one, disappointment.

[Purplepoodle]

Firstly don't worry about dp. Go to the doctor. If you can't face talking print off what you have written and take it in and ask your dr to read it. The dr won't do anything you don't want them to do.

Think of your dd. she needs to see healthy eating patterns, she will pick up on your eating or lack of even if you think you are hiding it.

[GreenPetal94]

No, I have had a lot of mental health care and hospital admissions and social services have never been involved. Don't worry about that. Do just go to the GP and describe where you are at.

[ladygracie]

Might Your DP already suspect that there is a problem if he is asking you about your eating? It may not be as muc of a shock as you think.
I am going to add to the chorus of go to the gp.

[Fixitagaintomorrow]

Thank you purplepoodle that's a really good idea. I'm no good in face to face situations where I have to explain how I'm feeling.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Very glad you posted and relieved you have now realised there is a problem.

Hopefully your GP will able to help and advise you on what your next steps should be.

[Castlemilk]

OP you are doing the right thing.

Please don't think your DP will be disappointed. He has NO reason to be. The only disappointing thing would be you a. not tackling this early, and b. keeping it from him.

How about this for a way to speak to him about it?

'DP, I need to talk to you about something important. You know that I've been dieting off and on because it's so difficult for me to exercise - well, over the last few weeks I've begun to really lose my interest in food. I don't know whether it's because I have been dieting and it's messed up my system, or whether something else is wrong - but I've really not been eating much. I wanted to let you know that I've made an appointment with the doctor straight away. I absolutely don't want to develop some sort of eating disorder. I wanted to let you know particularly because I know anything to do with food issues is especially sensitive for you, so I want to keep you in the loop. Hopefully me telling you this will reassure you that I'm not about to start hiding issues from you and hopefully I'll get this sorted - like I said, it could be something physical that's wrong. I'll let you know what the doc says.'

How about something like that? Totally, totally not disappointing.

[Charlesroi]

OP - you have an eating disorder. I've had exactly the same experience and it got very frightening. If you can't force yourself to eat, then please seek professional help before you seriously damage yourself.

[CoolCat2014]

OP - glad you have realised you've got a problem. I had an eating disorder for 10 years and what your describing is just how I started out, especially the hiding part. I never started out wanting to be super skinny, I just wanted to lose weight to fit in, but no amount of weight loss was good enough when I got there.

Take heart though, I think you've caught it early enough that working through it won't be such a wretch to work through. Talk to your GP, they should refer you to counselling as that is usually the most helpful thing. Not all GPs are that helpful though. If you want to lose weight I suggest you take a break from trying for now, get your head sorted out a bit, and then try a support group type setting - slimming world or whatever takes your fancy! But you need to learn to eat 3 normal meals a day, and just eat the healthy stuff rather than any junk.

Hope you can get some help!