Basically I have spent the last two years dieting. Usually very restrictive diets as due to some old injuries I struggle to exercise, I do exercise daily but only gentle exercise. Enough to keep me active and healthy but not enough to class as a workout that will help me lose weight/tone up. So I've been on all the ones like slimfast, juice plus and these celeb diets, I can easily a stone in a week but obviously can't keep up such a restrictive diet and end up putting it all back on and then some. I've tried the whole healthy balanced thing but without proper exercise my weight just stays the same.
So yeah it's been like that for two years and now I just hate food. It seems to be all I think about but the thought of touching food just makes me feel nauseous now. Eating is a massive chore for me and until I get to the point where I feel dizzy I just can't bring myself to eat.
DP works away so doesn't see any of this but has noticed my weight loss (ironic really because now I'm losing weight quite steadily and keeping it off but this time it's not intentional) and keeps asking me if I'm eating so at weekends when he's home I have to force myself to eat in front of him. Now I'm finding myself preparing food while he's out or in the shower or whatever, hiding it in the bin and leaving the dirty plate on the side so I can say I've eaten.
I know I am being sort of unreasonable, I'm lying to him and that's wrong. I should add that his ex had an eating disorder and it affected him a lot and that's why I'm trying to keep it from him, I know he'll think the worst but I know I don't have an eating disorder, I'm not intentionally starving myself to lose weight I've just completely lost all interest in food. It's not a conscious decision. I guess I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm justified in trying to avoid upsetting anyone and I don't really have anyone in RL I can talk to about any of this.
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36 replies
Fixitagaintomorrow · 19/08/2014 17:39
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