To shut my 12 year old out in the back garden

[Lemonypeepee]

His child minder during the holidays has had enough and is now leaving. He's having a major tantrum and is 12 and frankly I just don't know what else to do. Please help! I'm a single parent and should be at work. My child has been possessed by the devil.

This is what happens with my son too, he swore at the top of his voice in John Lewis yesterday and then hit himself hard round the face and screamed 'why did you hit me?' We left. Obviously. It was like a gawping competition
I went nuclear
Hes a lovely boy but I am finding this bit so hard :( he cooked our dinner yesterday evening like a golden child

I don't know whether I am over stepping the line posting as I have just skim read, but ime these outbursts etc can be normal. I also don't think it's a big deal letting a 12 year old Olay out all day without your supervision

springBreaker your parents friends sound very irresponsible to hire a 12 yo babysitter.

You're joking, right? I was running a evening child care service where I was in charge of 13 children at a time when I was 12, and I have ADHD and other LD's. I was getting enough babysitting business to buy myself designer clothes at that age. None of the kids ever got hurt, and I took classes to be first aid, CPR certified.

12 years old is plenty old enough to be in charge. But you put low expectations on a child and they will live up to them. Too many people babying their 12 year olds so they're not as mature as they were even 10 years back.

Not saying this is the case with OP's child. He's obviously got issues, and needs to have them addressed. I can promise OP, a 12 year old doesn't tantrum for no reason. He needs counseling. Whether he's ready and willing is another matter entirely. But at the very least he needs anger management classes before he turns into an adult and abuses his family and loses them.

Tiki thanks for your comments. I've had him assessed by a child psychologist and in her professional opinion he does not need anger management or any other classes. Her recommendation was relate for children. Which he completed but didn't find it helpful. I do think it will be worth trying some family therapy. I'm not wholely confident for his reasons for tantrums but I've got a good idea. He will never lose me as his mother.

Tikimon There are plenty of ways to exercise a child's maturity without putting little children in potential risk.Clearly 13 children in the care of one 12 te old is a risk If anything had happened to any of those children their parents would have been up on a neglect charge for leaving them with you.Don't flatter yourself.They were feckless parents after a cheap solution

Very harsh response queen. It depends on how recently it happened. The nanny state has a lot to answer for.

12 year olds are allowed to pick their younger siblings up from lower school here!

Maybe , but picking a younger sibling up from school, is hardly the same as babysitting 13 kids!!!!

Lemonypeepee

I feel for you. Plenty of twelve year olds throw tantrums. My son, his cousins and many of his friends regularly have tantrums at the age of twelve. I am talking about children who come from nice stable families. For some reason twelve year olds seem programmed to test every boundary going.

This is a thread that I started a few months back.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a2066488-to-want-to-know-why-Kevin-the-Teenage-is-lying-on-my-sofa-and-what-has-happened-to-my-love-little-boy

I am not sure that therapy is the answer to obnoxious teens. I only wish I knew the answer.

This video is funny.

Tikimon There are plenty of ways to exercise a child's maturity without putting little children in potential risk.Clearly 13 children in the care of one 12 te old is a risk If anything had happened to any of those children their parents would have been up on a neglect charge for leaving them with you.Don'ttter yourself.They were feckless parents after a cheap solution

Believe what you want. Those children were in good hands. Worse things happen at certified day cares where adults are in charge. Don't kid yourself that an adult is automatically safer for the simple reason they're an adult. The kids enjoyed being there and the parents got a small break.

But like I said, children live up to your expectations. Whether those expectations are high or low are on you. But they'll make sure they reach them. You want to baby your children, that's on you. I just know that even just watching kids for a short period that when I give them a high bar to reach, they come pretty close to it.

OP is there a.suitable.befriending.scheme that your son.could.access? it could give you both a break.and if the befriender was male it might provide.him with some the male.attention that he needs just now.

Crash, no I'm not aware of a befriending scheme but it's worth looking into it. Thank you.

Had he been assessed as gifted and talented? My 7 year old had and she has tantrums all the time.

TBF I think a lot of 12 year olds feel like your son is feeling. It's just the way he's expressing it that's so hard to deal with. I remember feeling angry and upset practically the whole year I was 12 - it was the worst age of my life so far. I wrote a very angry diary, did some yelling, but definitely no/very little swearing - my parents would have gone mental at me if I'd done that.

Bath, no not gifted and talented. Elephants I agree, I don't think it's a sign if anything other than some kids find things/life a little bit more difficult than others.

I feel that having a twelve year old is similar to a two year old. They are going through a lot of change starting secondary school and having more expected of them. With puberty they are like a bunch of pregnant women.

I feel care needs to be taken not to over medicalise a very difficult parenting stage.

Sorry I can't help in the short-term with ideas, but I would definitely take him to the GP and get a referral to CAMHS. I've had four teens (my youngest is 14, oldest 27) and the only help I've found helpful for two of the four has been CAMHS. Waiting times vary a lot and you can't tell now whether it's a transitory problem or one that has just begun. Better to get on the CAMHS waiting list and then if/when his name comes up, if you/he don't need the support you aren't forced to take it up! They'll just be pleased that things are better for you both. (((hug))) Anna

Thanks Anna. I've already gone through gp and cahms. He does not fit the criteria. He only has occasional tantrums and is not appropriate for their services. They pointed me towards relate. A child that's appropriate for cahms has to tick quite a few boxes, my little man did not tick those boxes. I'm in a position to pay privately. I'll go down the fily therapy route as suggested above by a poster.

Family not fily :)