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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable that my friend leaves her dd home alone?

88 replies

BocaDeTrucha · 19/08/2014 11:38

My friend has done an amazing job of bringing up her dd as a single mum and since having my ds, I know even more how hard it must be to do it alone. She has now met a lovely new man and live together. Since meeting him she has become a gym fanatic and is looking great but told me the other day that she goes with dp to the gym in the morning and leaves dd alone in bed with a list of things to do to get ready for summer club. She comes back around 10am, takes dd to summer club then goes back to the gym.

She's not forced to leave dd alone to hold down a job (she's not working at the moment) but chooses to do it to go to the gym. This makes me feel a little uncomfortable. Dd is my goddaughter. Am I being too sensitive and is this normal?

OP posts:
Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 19/08/2014 19:17

6!!! Ffs that's dreadful. Absolute neglect.

Nanny0gg · 19/08/2014 21:29

The mum knows her child better than anyone else. Maybe we should be trusting mums' judgement more and be less hasty to clutter up strained social work services with cases like this when actually abused children are being ignored.

Nonsense! The child is Year 1!!

It is far too young. If there were any kind of emergency she wouldn't know what to do.
If she suddenly decided to use the cooker she burnt something/herself.
She falls down the stairs? (easily done).

At 6 they are absolutely not 'capable of looking after themselves just because they can get themselves dressed in the morning.

And trust me, in this country, if the authorities found a child regularly left home on their own at 6, someone might be round to Have a Word.

bubalou · 19/08/2014 21:45

6 is far too young and to be honest I'm shocked and horrified as to why anybody would be such a fucking idiot as to do so.

There's no excuse. Certainly not a trip to the shops. My DS is 6 and I have never needed to leave him and I certainly wouldn't until he's much, much older!!!

Shock
soverylucky · 19/08/2014 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kiffykaffycoffee · 19/08/2014 21:58

I left my sleeping 7 YO and 10 YO once to pop to the corner shop 1 minute away. I felt really nervous and ran all the way there and back. Was paranoid someone would know i'd left the DDs alone. Nothing happened but I don't think I'd leave them until they're a bit older 9 and 12 maybe?

UpUpAndAway123 · 19/08/2014 22:10

This is neglectful and I can't see why you would ever leave a 6 year old alone to go to the frigging gym.
This has come up in my line of work (NICU nurse), one family left a 4 year old at home alone (in isolated farmhouse) asleep whilst husband and wife went to hospital to have their 2nd baby.....they were then transferred 200 miles to our hospital and still didn't get the child (the couple were well educated and didn't see an issue), another couple used to leave their 3 year old alone for several house whilst coming to hospital.....she broke her arm falling off the couch. Children's Services were involved saw the issues.
I know this child is older but still so unacceptable.

scarlettsmummy2 · 19/08/2014 22:13

Haven't read all the posts but I am horrified. Really horrified. I have a five year old and just can't imagine doing this.

Unexpected · 19/08/2014 22:56

I would be interested to know in which country your friend lives. There are very different attitudes to leaving children alone in other countries. We lived in the Netherlands and it was quite common there for mothers to leave a baby sleeping alone at home while they went out to school to collect older children. No-one would have considered that a reportable matter. I personally think 6 is way too young to be left home alone but wonder if it is just not unusual where she lives.

Lymmmummy · 19/08/2014 22:58

YANBU 6 is too young to leave a child alone on a regular basis or in fact on any basis

Nottinghill1 · 19/08/2014 22:59

6 is far too young to be left alone.

PhaedraIsMyName · 19/08/2014 23:01

6 is a bit young even by my slack standards

Yes , mine too. Usually in these threads I find out I was incredibly casual (he's 24 now thankfully)

6 is far too young.

clary · 19/08/2014 23:14

Hmm yes I am Slack Alice from Slack Alley in these matters but even I think 6 is too young to be home on her own for such a long time.

TBH t's the length of time that concerns me. DS1 was probably 9-10 when first left, DS2 (3rd child) probably younger, but it was only for a few mins (5-10) when popping a sibling to Brownies etc.

A gym visit must be at least 1.5 hrs? That just seems time for the child to get fed up and possibly for a serious accident to happen.

TheysayIamparanoid · 19/08/2014 23:18

6 is far too young, however capable she seems!

fabulousfour · 19/08/2014 23:19

Wow.. 6 nope to young.

ThatBloodyWoman · 19/08/2014 23:20

I wouldn't leave a 6 year old alone for any period of time.
I wouldn't leave my 9 year okd alone for that length of time.

How lonely for her, quite aside from anything else.

Dontgotosleep · 19/08/2014 23:21

6 years old good God. She's no more that a baby.
No Y.N.B.U at all O.P. That is a serious safe gaurding issue. Supposing something happened to the little one or she woke up and saw her mammy not around.
Surely wanting to get or stay fit does not come before her child!!!!.
Dog, Get real and quick. What planet do you live on. It can't be mine. anything can happen in 2 minutes never mind 2 hours. Some people never cease to amaze!!!!!!!

frames · 19/08/2014 23:22

No way!

gamerchick · 19/08/2014 23:23

It's the unexpected that's the problem.. A 6 year old is not equipped to deal.

From waking up feeling like death, puking her ring everywhere to fires.. It isn't fair.

DemelzaandRoss · 19/08/2014 23:24

This needs to be reported. Better to lose a friend than a child lose her life.

HauntedNoddyCar · 19/08/2014 23:27

I'm thinking my very quiet and sensible dd might be ok for ten minutes or so as she turns 8 in a few weeks.

Not a 6 though.

OneSkinnyChip · 19/08/2014 23:32

Way too young to be left like that. I hate the OP's friend just reading this :( Angry Popping into the neighbour's house to hand over a parcel, yes. Anything longer than that, no.

And UpUp your stories made me sad. Who on earth leaves a 4 year old alone overnight in an isolated farm? It's like something from a horror film. It makes me feel a bit sick imagining a 4 year old waking up alone like that.

GarlicAugustus · 19/08/2014 23:55

I'm from the Tough Generation and of the anti-mollycoddling variety; I walked myself to school and back from the age of four. BUT leaving a kid alone in the house for a couple of hours is risky, imo. As a PP wrote, the problem is that a six-year-old doesn't have the judgement or skills to be able to deal with the unexpected. She's unlikely to judge correctly whether something is safe to stand on when trying to reach a shelf, for example, or know what to do if a tap won't shut off ... or any of the million other risk assessments we make during the course of a day at home.

Leaving her for a one-off emergency might be unavoidable sometimes, but to go the gym? She could go when her daughter's out. It's silly to take unnecessary risks like this.

Chiana · 20/08/2014 01:27

I'd report her anonymously. The kid is SIX!!!

Poofus · 20/08/2014 01:39

Crikey, that doesn't sound OK at all. But then I'm gobsmacked to think back now that when I was six, I walked home from school on my own, let myself in and entertained myself for two hours until my mother came home from work. Every day. Scarcely believable now. Were things just a lot more lax in the 1980s??

GarlicAugustus · 20/08/2014 12:11

You know, Poofus, perhaps we do underestimate six-year-olds these days!
I might be having a rethink ...