To be perfectly happy that my children are growing up?

[DrSeuss]

Yet another friend just commented on how it's terrible that her kids are growing up so fast, wishing they could stay little for longer. Am I the only horrible mummy who is happy that her children are growing up? I love seeing them learn new things, develop new skills, experience new things demonstrate independence or maturity. Plus, the more independence they have, the more I get my life back! Am I just unfeeling?

expat
I am so very sorry to read your post.

YANBU.

YANBU. Toddlers are hard work. People just forget so quickly and look back at the photos of cherub faced angels with lovely gummy smiles. They forget the tantrums, being woken up, the limited activities and holidays.

I love my DD ferociously - but I love her more and more as she becomes more independent. I also find it a bit creepy when people go on about how they mourn their children growing up. It's not always the case but sometimes it's because those people made their children the absolute centre of their existence and didn't have anything to fill the void when their children had grown up. Whereas I have an interesting job and lots of hobbies so I look forward to having more freedom and flexibility.

Parenting is lifelong, God willing. Everything changes. Change is good. YANBU

DS only 2, so early days yet, but am definitely enjoying him getting more independent. I want to watch him grow, get stronger, bigger, independent of me.

Though... there was a thread on here a while back, asking people what they wished they'd done/done more of when their kids were the right age for it. The post that stuck in my head was someone saying how her kids always used to beg her to stop at a scruffy little park and she rarely felt she had time. And now they're too old to ask any more.

I guess for me, any wistful thoughts are likely to be along those lines. Once they're through a stage, they're done. You can't do it over.

OTOH, bollocks to that. That way madness lies - no such thing as a perfect childhood, if I miss a taking-DS-to-the-park opportunity I'm sure he'll be fine. More fine than if I get obsessed with capturing every precious moment.

My two are almost 8 and 11 (soon) and I don't miss the baby years at all. It's different when they're older, but it's not all consuming like it is when they're younger, and I'm enjoying being able to bring back other things into my life. (more responsibility at work, new challenges etc). I wouldn't necessarily say it's any easier, but the challenges are new and so fun!

I very much enjoyed it when my children were small. I pared back my job to very few hours and they were my focus. I enjoyed it at the time, but it's not something I would have wanted to do forever, and now I'm enjoying the new challenges I've got.

I also love the more grown up relationships that I have with my DDs. Days out girly shopping where we shop and chat, stop for a coffee, have lunch etc and they enjoy these things too now. It's nice spending time with them and just enjoying that.

I wouldn't want to go back at all, and have no twist of remorse or jealousy or anything when I see preschoolers / babies. They do nothing for me any more. I'm not clucky, just past that stage now .

I love newborn babies and do get slightly broody when I cuddle them but I equally love the relationship I have with my grownup children, I can go out for a drink with them, don't have to police what I watch or what I say, can go away and leave them in charge of the house and the dog. What's not to like?

Yanbu: I actually think it's a lovely sentiment.

I would say this, though. My DS is little: still 2. When I see him try something new and grow a little (for example being more independent and adventurous at the outdoor play area) I have to hold back a little tear, and will almost certainly be a crying mum when he goes to school for the first time. But they won't be 'oh he's growing up too fast' tears, but 'I'm so proud of my boy growing up and having new adventures/experiences' tears.

Disclaimer: I am currently pg & pretty emotional!

My ex mil used to say 'they won't be babies forever'. I'd roll my eyes and think 'I really hope not'. She'd be all misty-eyed over them and I'd be wondering when I would ever get more than 3 hours of broken sleep a night.

Having said that, I loved when they were about 3/4. But they are 19 now. I can go out when I like. I can have long baths. And I can swear like a soldier.

YANBU at all!

I have dcs 5 and for the last seven years have been a single parent. It's been a slog to put it mildly.

Now dd21 is at uni, ds19 is at uni and dd18 has just finished A levels. Ds10 and ds8 can do chores and do things for themselves. I can now focus on my career and am studying, I can get lie-ins and read uninterrupted.
Smaller dcs can play out, take rubbish out and make tea.
Bigger dcs cook, clean, shop and lend me money

I love seeing the people they've become, it's amazing. I'm unbelievably proud.
I also love having time to myself, I cherish it. I could not go back to babyhood and toddler screaming. Oh no, too hard work.

Oohh also take long baths, read for hours, send dcs to the shops, call for cups of tea from my bed, text older dcs to bring me kfc home with them
DD will straighten my hair, they shop for wonderful birthday/mothers day presents, set up sky boxes/tv/anything remotely technical, open the front door when I'm not presentable and say I'm not in
I'm on a roll here. I loved my baby dcs, but this stage is wonderful. .

I have a few wisty moments recently as there have been a few "lasts" and some "firsts" coming up for my children but I felt the same when when I was a child/teenager/student

I've always remembered someone told me that when your children are little the days are long but the years are short.

That's really true Colleys - days are long, years are short. I might borrow that :)