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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be perfectly happy that my children are growing up?

65 replies

DrSeuss · 19/08/2014 10:10

Yet another friend just commented on how it's terrible that her kids are growing up so fast, wishing they could stay little for longer. Am I the only horrible mummy who is happy that her children are growing up? I love seeing them learn new things, develop new skills, experience new things demonstrate independence or maturity. Plus, the more independence they have, the more I get my life back! Am I just unfeeling?

OP posts:

50KnockingonabiT · 19/08/2014 12:21

DD1 now 24 and buying her first house

DD2 21 just starting her second year at uni

I'm so glad we've got through the childhood years.

Roots to grow, wings to fly.

It's nice to be just a couple once again.

Bettercallsaul1 · 20/08/2014 15:00

expat - You have mentioned your daughter before but I didn't realise you lost her so young. Sincere condolences. I am very glad you have such wonderful memories of the time you had with her.

hatsybatsy · 20/08/2014 15:07

I don't know -I have mixed feelings.

When they were little, it was very hard work so it was lovely to see the growing up and our life as a family gradually take on some shape. In particular we have appreciated every night of unbroken sleep after a very difficult 5 years of ds not sleeping properly!!

BUT - we never did get round to number 3 and so now I'm watching them grow and still wishing that I had more of this stage. I enjoy them now- we do fun things and they still (largely) go with what we want to do. Holidays are really good. But this won't last - they will grow up and soon enough won't want to be around us. And for that, I'm sad.

wigglesrock · 20/08/2014 15:12

I have loved watching mine get older and discover what they like, what they feel about things, their personalities and quirks. I've 3 - 9,6 and 3 and I am really enjoying them talk about school, their friends, where they want to live when they're older, what they want to be when they're older (an actress, a waitress and a teacher -and that's just dd2 )

My eldest goes into P6 this year, dd2 into P3 and the baby into nursery school and I'm really happy at them spreading their wings, realising that I'm not the be all and end all.

MarthasVineyard · 20/08/2014 15:13

I'm no good at 'firsts' and 'lasts'

Me neither, threepiece. I enjoy the times in between but not the milestones.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 20/08/2014 15:13

expat

Shows us all how fragile life is and how grateful we should all be for any and all stages of our children's lives.

magimedi · 20/08/2014 16:33

YANBU - My DS is now in his 30's & we have a wonderful relationship. I even think of him as an adult now! - unless he's ill & I have to bite my tongue & not tell him what to do!

expat

VeryStressedMum · 20/08/2014 16:37

Expat , we should cherish every day of our childrens lives

TheWordFactory · 20/08/2014 16:44

It is a privilege to watch our DC grow.

I find it a wonderful experience, precisely because it does change so much. I don't want to be stuck in time and I don't want them frozen art some supposed halcion moment when they were dependent.

Because that is always the age parents want to freeze-frame. No one yearns for the teen years to 'last forever d they?

OwlCapone · 20/08/2014 16:51

I think it's perfectly possible to be both happy at how they are growing up and doing new things and feel wistful at how they used to be and aghast at how quickly it's gone.

minipie · 20/08/2014 17:10

YANBU

DD is nearly 2 and my god it is so much more fun than the baby stage (I am not a baby person and she was a jolly difficult baby - I hated months 0-6 in particular). So far I have enjoyed each new stage more than the last and am not at all wistful for the stages left behind.

So my response to "they grow up so quickly" is "thank God"

I am pg with DC2 and slightly dreading doing it all again tbh. But at least this time, I know it gets better.

MrsDavidBowie · 20/08/2014 17:13

I hated the neediness when they were small.
Teenagers much better

Jayne35 · 20/08/2014 17:14

I miss the sweetness of when mine were babies but not the hard work. I'm now enjoying the freedom, also my DD can now go to the shop for alcohol anything

Frogisatwat · 20/08/2014 17:23

I am a lone parent with very little support. No weekends off'
I have no desire to relive my youth but I would like to do things for me. Like an exercise class or a day hike.. I can't do any of these. As mine are 11 & 9 they don't want to go to the park or beach etc like they did when they were younger so I am more housebound than ever..
another 2 years and I might be able to go out by myself for an hour... so yanbu!

cardibach · 20/08/2014 17:33

I understand the shock at the speed at which growing up happens, but I have found I have enjoyed each new stage more than the last. DD is 18 and will be leaving for University on the 22nd September. SHe is an only and I am a lone parent, so this is a major change to my life and I am a little scared of it. However I am sooo proud of her and love that she is an adult now. She seems to have taken another step in maturity since getting her place at University confirmed last week.
I'm also not a big fan of babies, so I was never going to love that stage! I like children to be able to talk to me in actual words!
YANBU

FreeSpiritsBadAttitude · 20/08/2014 17:42

A family friend, watching me run red faced after 2yo while juggling grizzling teething baby who had barely slept all night said "this is the best time of your life, you know."

I said something like "you obviously didn't have a 20s like mine then."

I do adore them and it's great watching them grow and in some ways I will miss this ... but I'm SO ready to have my body back, my career back, to discuss ideas and concepts and develop a few shared interests. I am looking forward to seeing the people my babies will become.

queenofthemountain · 20/08/2014 17:48

YANBU.
There is only one alternative to them growing up

Topseyt · 20/08/2014 18:01

My three girls are aged 19, 15 and 12.

I have mixed feelings too. As babies they were hard work and exhausting, obviously. As preschoolers they were very engaging and entertaining. Throughout the school years you see them develop and grow so much, both physically and with their personalities emerging.

I guess I get much more out of them the ages they are now. I like that they can be trusted on their own and be more self-sufficient. If I have to pop out to do some shopping or something it is no longer the military operation it used to be as I no longer have to drag the whole gaggle of them with me. If we go shopping I can let them go off and browse by themselves, leaving me free to do the same. We can have good conversations now too (set the world bang to rights etc.).

It is the leaving home stage I have found difficult. My 19 year old has just finished her first year away at uni. Last September we drove her and her stuff over there and I found it hard to hold it together when it was time for us to leave her. That day is etched on my mind amost as clearly as the day she was born is. I got through it and have grown used to it though, because you just have to. I will have to go through it twice more too I suppose.

TheSporkforeatingkyriarchy · 20/08/2014 18:28

Most of the time I'm really happy to see them learning and doing new things and maturing, but my eldest is about to turn 10 and it has certainly brought on mixed feelings, though that's more in wishing I had more time to do more things (and better health to do it all in) and feeling s bit of pinch in time rather than wanting him to stay small. I did feel a bit sad today when all the others got their face painted and he wasn't interested in it at an event where last year where he was really excited about it.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 20/08/2014 20:55

I've loved all of it and I'll love what's to come. For me, it's not about which bits are easier or harder than others. I want all of it - past, present and future, all at once and all the time.

I am a greedy bitch.

TwoNoisyBoys · 20/08/2014 21:02

YADNBU! I feel exactly the same....I'm enjoying my DS's age 12 and 9 more than I ever have. Now, we laugh together and they're such good company. My eldest has SN so when he reaches every new milestone it's wonderful. And to see them grow and develop is fascinating! Yes, every now and then I look back at baby photos and think "Awwwww....." But in reality it was bloody, BLOODY hard work....and I wouldn't want to go back!

IAMACLANGER · 20/08/2014 21:28

WOW at these responses. I only have one DS - age 8. Much easier with only one. I've loved every moment. But would love to stop time RIGHT NOW. I'd love it if he stayed his cute, polite, loveable, still very childish (sometimes) self right now. Obviously I'm unreasonable. And I'm sure I'll love every future stage (or most of them). When you have one it's so precious. I love him to bits. I so wish I had more.

MissMole · 20/08/2014 21:41

I found the crying mums at nursery, 1st day of reception and last day of year 6 very hard to understand.
I was excited for my children, every new stage an adventure.

TheFairyCaravan · 20/08/2014 21:55

I've got mixed feelings too.

DS1(19.5) moved out 7 weeks ago to join the Army. He and I have always been close. I cried like a baby when he went to school , he took it in his stride! He's always been way older than his years so as he's grown up its been quite easy to be swept along iykwim.

Last week we went to see him at his unit, he marched out with his troop and I barely recognised him. When he came to do a demonstration he was confident, upright and loud which is not him.

He came home for a long weekend and DH dropped him into town. When DH came back, he said to me "we've got a man, our boy has gone!" That was exactly how I was feeling too. It was a complete shock that I wasn't really expecting. Don't get me wrong, I am happy because this is what he wanted and am so proud of him.

DS2 is booking uni open days at the moment, I'm not quite sure I'm ready to let him go, just yet!

ChickyEgg · 20/08/2014 22:03

I feel the same Op. Mine are 14 and 11. DD will be off to secondary and theres no school run to do which means, I could change my job and have a bit more choice if I wanted to. It's silly things like that. I really wouldn't want to do the primary years again. I'm excited to see what the next phase of their lives are like

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