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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be against my OH growing cannabis for personal use?

78 replies

betenoire2012 · 18/08/2014 23:20

My partner wants to set up a growing tent with one plant in our loft for personal use. He says it will be safer than him having to buy weed from strangers.
I'm worried as we rent our house and potentially the landlord might come or a workman or someone. OH assures me he wouldn't put me and the kids at risk and that he'd lock the plant away.
I feel pushed into a corner. He says he will continue to smoke it until his dying days (he's 36), and that he'd be much less likely to get caught than if the police pulled his car over on the street. He only buys small quantities.
We live in France where drug laws are apparently tighter. It's a lose lose situation for me, as he thinks I'm worrying unnecessarily. I just don't want this going on in our home, but he's told me he'll continue to buy off the street and spend our money on it if I don't agree. Help!

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 19/08/2014 07:15

If you are British and you get caught growing cannabis, could they deport you back to the UK?

HippyPottyMouth · 19/08/2014 07:20

DH grew his own until recently and hasn't been near a dealer in years. I have no problem with him growing or smoking it, but I wouldn't want it in my house.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb · 19/08/2014 07:23

My ex put me in the same position. As mentioned, he is my ex.

paxtecum · 19/08/2014 07:30

MY XH used to grow his own dope.
He never grew up either.
For the last 20 years his memory has been a joke probably due to the dope.

I was married to him for 30+ years. He smoked dope everyday of his life even taking it on holiday or buying it on holiday. He would not acknowledge that buying dope in Morocco could have resulted in prison.

My regret is that I stayed with him.

Best wishes to you. You have a difficult decision ahead.

hackmum · 19/08/2014 07:41

YANBU. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of smoking cannabis, it puts you in an impossible position. If anyone finds out, then legally I'd have thought that you're as likely to be charged and end up with a criminal record as he is. You and the children also risk losing the house. So he is being very unfair.

Chunderella · 19/08/2014 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chubbyhez · 19/08/2014 08:21

I wonder hoe many of the twisty knicker wearers here partake in an alcoholic beverage pr are married to someone who does, on a regular basis.

But wait 'oh that's not the same at all' is it not?

I'd love to hear the difference.

Op you're well within your rights to object as he will be exposing you all to risk.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb · 19/08/2014 08:25

Drinking alcohol is not illegal nor will it get my house raided in the middle of the night whilst my DC are asleep in their beds. He was good at drinking too though.

Chwaraeteg · 19/08/2014 08:26

Yanbu to be worried about the ramifications of him growing his own. E.g being kicked out of your house / arrested / house burning down etc. I say that as the partner of a man who also enjoys cannabis on a daily basis.

I do however think that some people on this thread are being a bit unreasonable wrt asking how you can be with a man who spends money on cannabis that could be spent on you and your children. It's no different to spending money on alcohol really, is it?

Chunderella · 19/08/2014 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chubbyhez · 19/08/2014 08:33

So your concerns seem to focus around the legality of cannabis and therfore having to deal with criminals to obtain it? Not about cannabis itself?

The smoking point is a moot one. Cigarettes are legal. Used by lots of people. Many people manage to indulge this legal addiction without exposing others to harm.

chubbyhez · 19/08/2014 08:35

And I'd argue passive alcohol is very much a problem affecting many, many children and families. But legal. Do you know that if alcohol was a new drug and beong classified for the first time it would be class a.

Georgethesecond · 19/08/2014 08:35

We can't really assess the risk, as most of us have no idea about French laws or their enforcement. Sorry, OP.

MaryWestmacott · 19/08/2014 08:35

Chubbyhez - buying alcohol for an adult is not illegal. Buying or making your own alcohol could not lose you your house, or put you in prison. You cannot passively drink.

You can buy alcohol from legitimate sources and quality and production is regulated.

It's very, very different.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb · 19/08/2014 08:40

I think it's more the fact that he won't stop or consider his actions on the family unit, as my ex wouldn't. If an adult wants to smoke cannabis that's their choice but when it impacts the family that's different.

chubbyhez · 19/08/2014 08:42

So would you say your ex's cannabis use was problematic in the same way some people's alcohol use can be whilst others isn't?

whyhasmyheadgonenumb · 19/08/2014 08:42

Plus it wasn't one plant for us personally, to sustain his habit it was a constant rotation of 4 plants. I think that's probably different in the eyes if the police to just one plant. Don't know, good luck making him see your point of view OP.

Chunderella · 19/08/2014 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chubbyhez · 19/08/2014 08:48

I'm not sticking up for cigarettes but when the government are happily creaming the tax of a product that is so harmful it's hard to understand the messages we're given.

Smoking anything around children isn't on. We all know that.

Leviticus · 19/08/2014 08:53

It could very well burn your house down for starters. Do you want to die in a house fire?

Stick to your guns.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 19/08/2014 08:55

chunderella I think you make some good points, especially about daily cannabis smoking, which (if you don't use filters either) is high in risk, basically it's smoking and as risky as smoking (and lots mix with tobacco anyway). I am always amazed that people don't realise this and seem to think cannabis smoking is something different than smoking in terms of risk. As for protecting children, one good think about legal smoking is that people are happy to do it outside the house away from children (but where others can see you), in my experience daily cannabis users are sitting in their houses puffing away.

Of course a joint every now and again is different, but the OP is talking about daily persistent use 'til he dies' so it's safe to say his risk of dying is higher than non-smokers (about 50%, 1 in 2 go to an early death). That's aside from the stuff on mental health.

Montegomongoose · 19/08/2014 08:57

safer than him having to buy weed from strangers

This was funny.

He smokes weed every day, illegally, around his kids and he's thinking of growing it in their (and your) home and his argument is that he wants to maximise safety

What a comedian.

Chunderella · 19/08/2014 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBloodManCometh · 19/08/2014 09:07

Deal breaker for me.
Being a regular smoker would be a deal breaker for me anyway.
And there are always people who trot out the alcohol/cannabis comparison which doesn't change my mind - I have a very low opinion on alcohol too

londonrach · 19/08/2014 09:09

Simples he grows it you and kids leave. You can smell that plant and that horrible plant killed two of my friends. Never ever used any form of drugs and never will unless medication as it's a losers game... Leave him now.

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