Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be reluctant to hire MIL as a cleaner?

75 replies

ihaveadirtydog · 17/08/2014 20:28

I would love a cleaner-have no qualms about employing someone to do the bits that I don't like/don't have time for.

DH isn't so keen as he doesn't see the need-he wouldn't as he doesn't appreciate that there is more to keeping the house clean than a quick wipe of the surfaces and a vacuum every so often.

He is however wiling to consider paying his mum who works as a cleaner anyway, his rationale being that she is trustworthy and he'd rather her have the money than a stranger.

I don't think it's a very good idea though-for one if I wasn't impressed with the way a cleaner had done something I'd like to think i could raise it with them and I could direct a 'stranger' more easily than mil (who I don't dislike but am not close)

Plus there is the idea that she could find things that I'd rather she not see-paperwork, private items etc-you get the idea.

OP posts:
Haffdonga · 17/08/2014 20:58

No.

And show your dh this thread.

Original poster
ihaveadirtydog · 17/08/2014 20:58

Thanks - had almost talked myself into it Shock

OP posts:
littleleftie · 17/08/2014 20:59

Not in a million years would I consider this Grin

If DH won't hear of getting anyone else in maybe he should step up and do it all?

13greentomatoes · 17/08/2014 21:00

......I'm sure I saw a thread on here once regarding:

MIL who rummaged through her DIL's knicker drawer while she was at work, which resulted in the DIL threatening to set a trap to catch her as she was becoming suspicious.....hilarious thread, posters coming up with great ideas for setting a trap eg glitter.

I howled with laughter.

You might find it in Mumsnet classics, over a year ago, I think.

If that doesn't put you off, nothing will........

Don't do it ...

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 17/08/2014 21:05

No!

It's not just about her finding things, but about what you feel you can ask her to do. And more importantly, perhaps, what happens down the line - if you need to reduce hours or cut them altogether, for example, or she would prefer a different time or day that's not convenient to you. Say you suddenly can't afford a cleaner because one of you is made redundant or you have additional expenses, you could be sacking your MIL/depriving her of an income that she has come to rely upon. What if she wants a pay rise? She has to ask you for more money if she puts her rates up - how will she feel? She may feel obliged to take the job when there are three or four more convenient, closer jobs - and resent you for asking.

Nightmare. Don't go there. It's fraught enough having a cleaner in the first place. I feel really bad about asking ours to do things.

Original poster
ihaveadirtydog · 17/08/2014 21:06

Yes I remember that thread!

The thing is, DH does do a reasonable amount of cleaning and if he was soley in charge it would probably be 'ok' in that kitchen and bathroom surfaces would be clean and carpets would be hoovered once a week or so (goodness knows what would happen with the laundry as he doesn't go near that!)

But I'm happy to pay for a higher standard of cleanliness - dusting, mopping, kitchen cupboard fronts cleaned, windows etc. I do as much as I can but I work 3 days a week and have 2 children and to be honest would rather not have to!

I can afford it from my 'own' money but don't feel I can invite someone into our house without DH's agreement.

OP posts:
joanofarchitrave · 17/08/2014 21:07

Grin 'I'd be jumping on the nope train to fuckthatville.'

That's a HELL no from my end. And I love my MIL, and she's very houseproud. The number of possible complications to this are like one of those fractal paintings.

patienceisvirtuous · 17/08/2014 21:13

My DM cleans for us. No problems here :o

joanofarchitrave · 17/08/2014 21:15

Does your DH work outside the house? Ask him whether he cleans his workplace personally, and if so, how much he is paid to do that.

He might be happier with the idea of an agency? It's more expensive and probably lower quality cleaning, but the job gets done, and sometimes people feel there is more security in that situation.

At work every year I spend two weeks recording what I do all day in 15-minute increments. It's always quite revealing. You might consider doing the same for a fortnight, though with a child, 5 or even 2 minute increments might be more appropriate. Write a long list of everything you ever do, and put a tick next to each category for every 2 min period you spend doing that thing. With any luck that will show your DH how much shitwork you are actually doing and might wake him up a bit.

FunkyBoldRibena · 17/08/2014 21:18

No.

BabyGoose · 17/08/2014 21:19

I look forward to your future thread in 'Relationships'. Don't do it. End of.

TurquoiseCat · 17/08/2014 21:19

Absolutely not! Don't shit where you eat...

Ask DH if he is really really completely comfortable with his own mother cleaning shit streaks out of your toilet, he might think twice then!

magimedi · 17/08/2014 21:19

Never employ anyone that you would not be happy to sue if things go wrong.

That was the advice given to me by a builder who lived next door to us.

He was delighted that we didn't employ him.

We remained good neighbours & great friends.

Original poster
ihaveadirtydog · 17/08/2014 21:20

babygoose Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ihaveadirtydog · 17/08/2014 21:21

As if I'd leave shit streaks in the loo for anyone to clean let alone MIL! Shock

OP posts:
Kleptronic · 17/08/2014 21:21

Nooooooooo.

Kewcumber · 17/08/2014 21:22

I would love to hear the conversation between you an MIL when

a) she finds your vibrator and gimp mask and DH's porn stash
b) when you are telling her off for not polishing the silver adequately and to do it again.

BabyGoose · 17/08/2014 21:25

Employ a stranger!

ISpyPlumPie · 17/08/2014 21:32

No way! Definitely better having an arms length relationship with your cleaner IMHO.

Personally I'd rather scrub my house from top to bottom using only a toothbrush than give MIL unlimited access to poke around in our home (and I do have a wonderful cleaner who is an absolute godsend so definitely not against the idea of having a cleaner in principle).

CrimeaRiver · 18/08/2014 02:28

No way. On any level would that be a good thing for anyone involved.

Maybe ask her to recommend a cleaning-lady mate?

Chiana · 18/08/2014 02:37

I love my DMil dearly and I'd still never do this in a million years. It's not a MIL thing. I wouldn't hire my own mother either.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/08/2014 03:39

It's a great idea*

*if you want to fall out with MIL forever.

daisychain01 · 18/08/2014 04:45

Ask DH if he is really really completely comfortable with his own mother cleaning shit streaks out of your toilet

DH would probably reply that his DM had plenty of experience of his skid marks from the day he was born! And men are remarkably less bothered by anyone seeing their skiddies IME.

Another vote for No. She'll spend more time sitting with her feet up having a nice cuppa watching telly, and you'd never be able to tell her that's not what you pay her for.

Family + business = stress

ROARmeow · 18/08/2014 08:21

Would your MIL even want to do it? Or is it just an idea your DH had?

I wouldn't, no way.

londonrach · 18/08/2014 08:26

No never but she's welcome to clean whenever she visits. On a regular paid no as you can't tell her to do such and such. Don't mix family with business

Swipe left for the next trending thread