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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder when everything changed to be in favour of children.

97 replies

Pipbin · 16/08/2014 13:12

Stands back and prepares for a flaming.

When I was little, in the 70s, children were seen as being a pain. Children weren't allowed in pubs and rarely seen in restaurants. If there were 4 seats and 5 people a child was expected to stand up and let the adults sit down. There was no such thing as soft play. If you were bored then tough shit, deal with it. You could be hit at school and be smacked by your parents. A birthday party was 10 friends a cake and some jelly and ice cream at your house. Children's television was 3 hours a day and Saturday mornings.

Now it seems to be quite the opposite, the needs of a child seem to trump all adult needs. Children are treated with kid gloves at all times. Birthday parties are bigger and better every year.

I'm not saying that the 70s was better, far from it, but has is swung too far? Is this why we now have some people who act so entitled? I'm not saying that either is right, I'm just interested to hear the opinions of others.

Lights blue touch paper and retires to a safe distance.

OP posts:

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 16/08/2014 14:26

Yes, I wondered that. Especially as the seat was (apparently) offered BECAUSE she had a child.

gordyslovesheep · 16/08/2014 14:27

yes I agree - she may not have wanted her on her lap, mum may have wanted to stand - children struggle to stand on the tube - not getting the issue

Floisme · 16/08/2014 14:27

Beige! Are you kidding me? You can call it a lot of things but beige isn't one of them

expatinscotland · 16/08/2014 14:28

I was desperately into clothes in the 70s and not a teen. I wanted a velour jumper, certain type of trainers . . .

Clothes weren't just clothes even then.

Don't get the obsession with playing in the street, either.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 16/08/2014 14:29

Another thing to remember was that people had kids much younger back then so a lot of these benignly neglectful 70s parents were teens or 20s who wanted some time to themselves. If, like me, you're mid-30s when you've had kids, you've had years to spend Saturday afternoon in the pub or doing your own thing.

gordyslovesheep · 16/08/2014 14:31

we had a beige sofa, beige carpet and beige woodwork - so yes for me it WAS beige - we don't all share the same life experiences ...which are the things that shape our views :)

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 16/08/2014 14:31

20somethings

Mrssomerhalderx · 16/08/2014 14:31

I'm an 80s baby, and can thankfully say that my
Second hand clothes, tea party birthdays, playing in the garden, respecting elders childhood was wonderful. As I hope my little one's will be. My godchild however, rotten, disrespectful and rude. I think it's down to parents not decade

DiaDuit · 16/08/2014 14:32

Expat i had a velour tracksuit in the noughties

HallowedVera · 16/08/2014 14:32

Just seemed a bit martyr-ish.

GOD FORBID my child should have to suffer the mildest discomfort, sort of thing.

I do a lot of eye rolling on the tube. It passes the time.

ILovePud · 16/08/2014 14:32

I don't think things have swung too far in favour of children, children can still, legally, be subject to physical punishment. I can't get my head round how it's ok to slap children, who are inherently more vulnerable members of society, when slapping an adult would be assault. Not that I want to go around slapping adults either.

DiaDuit · 16/08/2014 14:33

I grew up in the 80's. Nylon nighties. Crackle, spark

Floisme · 16/08/2014 14:36

Ok gordy. I had purple walls so yes, different experiences!

DiaDuit · 16/08/2014 14:37

Just seemed a bit martyr-ish.

GOD FORBID my child should have to suffer the mildest discomfort, sort of thing.

Thats really your own projection onto it though isnt it? For all you know child has a hidden disability or had hurt her foot or wasnt feeling well or had a bad nights sleep nd was tired or theyd been walking for ages. So many different reasons she needed the seat more than her mum. Cant believe a parent giving her child a seat is even noticed never mind judged.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 16/08/2014 14:37

It's not martyrish on a crowded tube though is it? It's common sense. Little kids can't be seen by passengers getting on and off, they will be trodden on, and get under everyone's feet. An adult can be clearly seen and also can see people to get out of their way. The mum was being considerate to other people, not just her DD.

I also find it uncomfortable to have a kid sitting on my lap on the tube - I would rather stand.

Sirzy · 16/08/2014 14:39

I think on the whole we are much more aware of the needs/rights of the child which has to be a good thing on the whole. Of course some people take that to extremes but is even that a new thing? Parents have fallen into many 'groups' from the overprotective to the neglectful forever surely?

Many things are much more affordable now to a lot of people than they were 20/30/40 years ago so I suppose that has contributed a lot in the shift of how time is spent with children. Perhaps that has led to more of a need for constant entertaiment and become a bit of a vicious circle. It does seem some people struggle to keep their children entertained because they have not had chances to learn to entertain themselves.

DiaDuit · 16/08/2014 14:41

Just thinking back to my mum's 60's childhood. Her sister was born with a heart condition and wasnt expected to see her 5th birthday (she did, she even managed to marry and have a son before she passed away), for obvious reasons my gran gave DAunt her seat on the bus, pushed her on the bike, carried all the shopping. You couldnt tell from looking at aunty that she was ill but her mum knew she was and knew how best to care for her. So yes, even back then a parent could have been seen to give her seat to her child.

Deverethemuzzler · 16/08/2014 14:42

I think there are parents now who were treated as the most important thing in the world when they were children. They see their own children as extensions of their own ego.
They have never really grown up. Look at all the adult's toys and stuff aimed at adults ....bouncy castle parties, zoo parties, zorbing and other 'thrill' activities.
Don't get me started on all the personalised stuff you can buy on-line that tells the world all about ME ME ME. Not on the Highstreet dot come is rotten with bloody paper cut outs that tell everyone what your favourite music, quote, book is. Why on earth do adults need objects with their names all over them?

So you have emotionally immature adults having children. They appear to be putting the needs of their children above everyone else's but really it is their own needs they are seeing to.

Pushing their kids to the front, expecting everyone to be interested in everything their kids do, allowing the child's natural inclination to be a bit loud and selfish to go unchecked so they never learn.

And it just goes on and on.

The 70s were pretty crap in a lot of ways. Children were seen as much less than adults and I wouldn't want to go back to that.

I don't think children have anymore rights or are even treated as more important now, it is their parents who think they are more important and therefore project it on to their children. IYSWIM.

expatinscotland · 16/08/2014 14:44

I had an awesome, bottle green velour jumper when I was 8, late 1970s! It had pink and gold satin piping round the neckline. Was well cool.

hiccupgirl · 16/08/2014 14:46

I'm a child of the 70s and my mum and step dad were very much the benign neglect school of child rearing. We had no money and they spent all their time working or gardening to produce food so it didn't have to be paid for. Everything was cooked from scratch and my mum was very into the whole 'Good life' way of things. Me and my brother were expected to disappear out from 9-5 once we were about 8 and 6.

I used to love going to my dad's because my stepmum was very different and was actually interested in us and her son and we got to do things we wanted to and had a say in things. I felt valued rather than just being in e way and costing money which was the attitude at home.

My DS is 4. By the values I was brought up to he is probably a spoilt brat. He is never short of clothes or has to wear hand me downs, he has some choice in what he eats and he quite often gets little treats just because. But he is also very kind, caring, polite and thoughtful. I make sure he is aware that not everyone has what he does and that it's important to help other people when we can.

I think the increased rights and understanding that your childhood experiences shape who you become can only be a good thing. Just because they are smaller doesn't mean they are worth less or should be valued less than adults. I wouldn't want to go back to the way some children were treated in the 70s and before.

OutragedFromLeeds · 16/08/2014 14:50

The seating policy on the bus and tube is that seats should be given to 'those less able to stand' and that includes small children. A small child is less able to stand on a moving tube/bus than an able-bodied adult. It's just basic common sense. My DC have been given a seat by an adult, I've given my seat to a child.

That's the only time I've seen the situation where adults stand and allow children to sit.

Floisme · 16/08/2014 14:50

I had a purple maxi coat with a fur trim which I wore over royal blue hot pants. And a feather cut like the lead singer of Sweet.

hackmum · 16/08/2014 14:53

"What is so great about playing in the street?"

Well, speaking from my own experience, you get to spend a lot more time with your peers, and much less time with your parents. Which is a good thing, because too much time with parents can be stultifying for children.

Also, being out in the street playing means you get plenty of fresh air and exercise, which is good for you.

Finally - and despite the numerous bruises from falling off my bike or crashing into things on my roller-skates - playing in the street is fun. I remember it well.

maddening · 16/08/2014 14:53

Exactly which generation is acting entitled now - the 30-40 year old range was born in the 70's and early 80's so is it only the 20 year olds that are acting entitled with their 90's upbringings? Because I think entitled and general twatishness is a cross generational thing.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 16/08/2014 14:54

Maybe it's the adults insisting that THEY should be sitting down all the time that are fuelling the obesity epidemic

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