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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go out tonight because I'm too fat and have nothing to wear?

32 replies

Sleepswithbutterflies · 16/08/2014 11:50

Two failed ivf cycles and I've put on 5lbs. So I'm not pregnant but oh lucky me, I look fucking pregnant. Thanks a bunch progesterone.

Meant to be going out tonight and nothing fits, and if it does fit I look like a pig in a frock.

It's for a friend's birthday but I just want to stop on and have liposuction or something.

I'm so immeasurably fed up. Stupid ugly fat body.

OP posts:
EElisavetaofBelsornia · 16/08/2014 11:54

Really sorry. I had fertility struggles and it was an awful time emotionally. 5lbs is what my weight seems to fluctuate by weekly, it's hardly anything wwen you're not hormonal. Treat yourself to a new outfit, go out and think about something else for an evening. Thanks

ApocalypseThen · 16/08/2014 11:55

Oh I think we've all been there. Don't let it stop you living your life, though. Your friend will be hurt if you don't go.

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 16/08/2014 12:00

My mother has just made me feel worse by concurring that I should lose a stone.
Marvellous.

OP posts:
grocklebox · 16/08/2014 12:01

5lbs? get over it Hmm

Thenapoleonofcrime · 16/08/2014 12:02

Definitely go out to take your mind off things, you will probably enjoy yourself when you are there.

If I'm on the heavier side, I wear a nice jacket to hide the lumps and bumps and a floaty scarf. This will probably not meet the MN style panel's approval but I get complimented on how nice I look a lot. Don't squeeze into a too tight dress otherwise you will feel terrible. Hide and smile!

LiberalLibertines · 16/08/2014 12:06

grogglebox you're just so helpful aren't you?!

Honestly,I fret about this, and never actually notice what others look like, especially friends, who your just glad to see.

Don't wear something you haven't worn for ages, go for your most comfortable failsafe, and have a good time :)

ElephantsNeverForgive · 16/08/2014 12:07

First, pick up your scales and shove them in the bin (or in the loft for weighing suitcases, which is the only positive use for scales).

Then go out and enjoy yourself.

Oh and next time tell your mother to fuck off.

ArethaFranklinstights · 16/08/2014 12:09

5lb is just a big poo!

But yourself something new, drink gallons of water all day and you'll be fine.

CarbeDiem · 16/08/2014 12:17

Yanbu for feeling like that but Ywbu to let it stop you from socialising/having fun/taking your mind of things.
Find something that does fit. 5lbs isn't a huge amount so something should fit and feel ok.
My own weight pisses me off constantly. I yo yo with 5 lbs often and it can happen overnight.
For me, wheat has a lot to answer for, I, 90% of the time, don't eat it (Dh has an allergy) but when I do - by christ can I see the effects :( Still doesn't stop me eating it sometimes though.

MrsWinnibago · 16/08/2014 12:20

When I feel like this I avoid dressy things and go for plain black top and nice jeans and heels with plenty of makeup...glam hair and some nice silver jewelly or a vintage necklace. Don't stay in.....xx

MrsWinnibago · 16/08/2014 12:21

Grockle you don't know what weight the OP was to begin with.

MamaLazarou · 16/08/2014 12:37

YANBU for feeling shit, anyone would under the circumstances. But do go out, it might be just what you need. Be nice to yourself, focus on the positives and see if you can say some kind, encouraging things to yourself.

MsJupiter · 16/08/2014 12:54

I can't believe people saying get over it, the op has had 2 failed IVF cycles, a major traumatic experience mentally and physically.

The 5lbs is probably either as a result of comfort eating or more likely bloating from the hormones and physical process, in a very specific area. No-one wants to be asked if they're pregnant when in fact they've just put on some weight, but in those circumstances it would be particularly cruel.

So YANBU but at the same time I think you should go as it kind of sounds like you want to and these are good friends. Just dress for comfort, bung a bit of makeup on and have a large gin & tonic. Hope you have a great evening and things work out for you OP.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/08/2014 12:58

YANBU for feeling that way but I think you might feel better if you go out.

PorkPieandPickle · 16/08/2014 13:06

Aren't you just lovely grocklebox?

So sorry to hear of your fertility struggles. IVF is such a hard process, you would probably really benefit from a night out to take your mind off things. Maybe treat yourself to a new outfit that hides the bits you're not comfortable with? I bet you look fabulous tho.

Thanks
gordyslovesheep · 16/08/2014 13:09

Grockle don't be such a dick

OP it's bloody horrible I imagine but a night out might be what you need

oh and Thanks be nice to yourself xxx

Dontgotosleep · 16/08/2014 13:17

Throw your scales away o.p. Life is much better when you stop letting them rule your life.
I am on the conceptions thread as I am also ttc. Why not come and join us for support. It's great to talk to people who are going through the same thing. Good luck O.P.
Easy for me to say this but go out and have a good time. It might be the tonic you need.
Oh and Grockle don't go ott with the sensitivity.

MrsWinnibago · 16/08/2014 13:20

Oh and whenever I dont fancy going out but make myself its always the BEST.

EmeraldLion · 16/08/2014 13:21

In my experience, when you feel like this it's actually very little to do with how you look, and more with how you feel.

I've had days where I've had to go to an event and have been in a 'down' mood. Everything I try on looks like shit and I can't help picking holes in everything and maybe have a good cry . Yet I could wear the same dress the next day and feel pretty good.

Stop looking at your clothes if it's doing your head in. Go out for a bit, have a walk and refresh yourself. Try and enjoy the day today, focus on your good bits - do your nails perfectly, or spend a lot of time on your hair or make up.

The bit in the middle, between your armpits and your knees is just a small part of how you look. So focus on the rest, then pick your typical favourite outfit and add a scarf, jacket or shrug if need be.

Wear nice jewellery, make up, hair, nails and you will look fabulous. No one will pick your outfit apart in the same way you do and other people usually don't notice the 'huge' faults we see in ourselves.

Fairylea · 16/08/2014 13:23

So sorry you're having such a rough time :(

But seriously throw out the scales. 5 lbs is nothing to panic about. Tell your mum to piss off and go shopping and find something that you feel confident in.

ArethaFranklinstights · 16/08/2014 13:42

Superb, EmeraldLion x

WalkWithTheLonelyOnes · 16/08/2014 13:46

Go for a nice walk, clear your head. If possible pop down to Primark and get their own brand spanx. They tighten you up and smooth you and make you feel a lot better. Nothing worse that feeling shit and having lumps and bumps (I know I've been there)

If you stay in you'll regret it. If you go out anf try and have a good time you'll forget about it

Namechangedforthisohyesidid · 16/08/2014 13:49

Right you have got time. get in the bath now. Soak for as long as you can bear and exfoliate everywhere. Don't pile on the fake tan but if you can get some instant colour or bronzed for face and cleavage.

put some music on, cheery music, and get put ANY possibility out on the bed.

Try everything on.

I understand you feel fat but some outfits wl look better than others and one will look best.

prime skin, blow dry hair upside down to get as much volume as possible and then get all make up out.

Google contouring and have a go, that can take pounds off.

Pour a stuff g and t and try going out.

You can always fake an emergency and come home if you hate it when you are out xxxx

beatofthedrum · 16/08/2014 13:52

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. It sounds like a horrible time in your life. Don't be sidetracked by the weight issue, I'm not surprised you're feeling upset in general but you must try not to take it out on yourself, attacking your appearance. If a night out is going to upset you, don't go. You might just not be up to it. But if your reason for not going is your appearance please believe me you won't be seeing yourself straight at the moment. You might go out and enjoy it, it might be too much for you. You decide yourself and (whispers) sending a hug.

Original poster
Sleepswithbutterflies · 16/08/2014 14:20

The trouble is no one knows that we have had Ivf so it's really difficult. I cancelled a few things when we were doing it as we were in the middle of hormones / egg collection / waiting to find out if it had worked so I don't feel I can keep cancelling. Life goes on hey? And I won't have any friends left if I keep cancelling on them.

Otoh I keep crying which isn't great. Also dh went out last night, got pissed and stopped at his mother's so I have to go and fetch him which will take me two hours at least so I won't have time to get anything new or much time to get ready.

All the weight is round my middle. I look three months gone. So far all we have to show for our cycles is 10k hole in our savings and me looking fatter than usual. Oh and feeling suicidal. I'm not sure if it's the hormones dropping out that's making me feel so awful. I'm not usually like this.

OP posts: