AIBU in thinking respect doesn't have to be earned?

[Sunna]

Inspired by another thread that I didn't want to divert.

Often I read on here and elsewhere that respect "has to be earned". I feel the opposite should be true.

I respect everyone automatically until they do something that causes me to disrespect them. Is this so wrong?

I agree 100%.

Yup. I start with the default that everyone deserves to be respected, certain actions will mean it's pretty likely they'll lose it though.

Completely agree, OP. Everyone deserves basic respect - it's why we don't go around stealing whatever we please or killing people who piss us off, or loudly commenting how fat that lady is....and so on.

I remember dealing with a very difficult 11 year old boy who had been pretty vile to his tutor. I said he needed to show a bit more respect for someone who was trying to help him, etc etc. to which he sneered "she has to earn my respect."
Grrrr.

I think there are two distinct meanings for "respect" -

1. A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements = this has to be earned, you couldn't apply this to someone you have no experience of.

2. Due regard for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others = your very reasonable approach to other people

(Have to admit to googling OED definitions to explain myself!)

Absolutely agree. I respect everyone by default, until/unless they do something to lose it. Once lost, it's generally pretty hard to earn back.

It makes my blood boil when parents say that teachers have to earn respect. As though the job isn't hard enough?

My parents drilled into me that teachers (and others in authority) were to be respected because of their position, unless they did something that caused a loss of respect.

Agree, everyone deserves respect until they lose it

I start off with everyone as neutral. I neither respect them, nor disrespect them. I have come to this stance, as there are those that believe they should be automaticallly respected, such as those with professional qualifications etc, by virtue of their position in society. Then those persons abuse that position and the automatic respect people give them. Therefore respect should not be automatic, but needs to be earned. But also disrespect needs to be earned, and is also not automatic.

So YABU.

I think there needs to be a distinction made between treating people with courtesy and respecting somebody.
In my mind I treat people with respect because I actually respect them and that is something that is built up over a period of time.
I use my manners to strangers but I wouldn't say that manners = respect.

Agree 100%, having this issue in work at the moment where a couple of staff are claiming that they are being dismissive of their manager because she hasn't earned their respect. I believe that respect should be the default position.

I would think of the type of respect that builds up as esteem, Miss. I can respect people without holding them in esteem. IYSWIM.

Yes, generally, you should treat everyone with the respect and consideration you hope they would afford to you. But if what you're talking about is deserving more respect automatically because of your age or gender or having a position of authority - no, don't agree.

I agree to a point toomuch, but I find it possible to respect someone's position/education/authority and separate it fr

Damnit!

Separate it from other facets of who they are. I was a secretary to an amazing surgeon. I fully respected his talent and knowledge and if anyone was going to have a rummage around inside me I'd pick him. I had 0 respect for his attitude to the state of his office and would regularly (professionally ) berate him into sorting it out and getting on with his paperwork.

I do hate people who bang on about others who have to 'earn' their respect without a second thought about having to earn someone else's. Like they're so frigging amazing it's unquestionable anyone should be treat them the same way they treat others. Hypocritical vanity that I take as a massive red flag and avoid as much as possible.

Everyone deserves to be treated respectfully but some people earn our additional respect over time.

cornettoninja, do you think though that they deserve more respect (of any sort) because of their seniority or whatever? I have a real problem with that e.g. I used to work in a pharma company. In the lab there was a mixture of PhD, graduate level and school leaver level people working, with varying amounts of post-education experience. I thought of myself as one among a bunch of more or less equals. I became good friends with one of the school leavers and was unpleasantly surprised to find out that they called us The Scientists and themselves The Technicians and that their line manager would give them lots of grief if they inconvenienced us even if it was for something important. I don't want that sort of respect. I know it's a fact of life that some people earn more money than others, OK, that's a free market economy, but on a human level when people work together I think they need to be treated the same, their time needs to be considered as valuable, they need to be given equal chance to speak up in meetings and have their opinions respected, and have the same terms and conditions etc. Shamefully, my old company gave free private health cover to the children and partners of managers, while everyone else had to pay. That sort of thing really gets my hackles up.

But it sounds like you had respect for the surgeon in about the same proportions that I would

I think "respect has to be earned" is one of those ones that in theory should work both ways but it doesn't. Saying it of yourself is nice humility, not expecting it automatically. Saying it of someone else... oh god no. I am a bit at the idea of parents and kids saying that of teachers. It is true that new teachers usually need to convince the class that they're serious before they will behave... but that's not licence to act like a dick in front of a new teacher! Do parents say that sort of stuff in front of their kids, I wonder. If I'd a teenager with a struggling teacher I wouldn't - I'd be on the poor teacher's side.

YANBU respecting other people should be a default position.

People who trot out the, "respect has to be earned", about others, are usually simply excusing their own rude or inconsiderate behavior.

I think it depends, if you knew a bit about their background you might respect them a bit more or a bit less.

YANBU OP. Everyone gets respect as a default from me, if they lose it then they have to earn it back. Sometimes that's possible, sometimes it's not. I have had occasion to lose respect for someone within 2 minutes of meeting though, she spouted off some very ad views imo. It wasn't necessary, right or appropriate and since she didn't know me she really should have exercised more caution.

I disagree, plenty of older people think they are due respect just due to their age. Respect and disrespect are earnt and everyone starts off at a neutral position.

I agree with you OP. Everyone (and I do mean everyone, from baby to OAP) starts from a point of respect and consideration. Whether they keep that standing depends on their actions.

I get a lot of crap from some pupils about how I should respect them automatically but I've got to earn it. It comes from their incredibly bad-mannered parents.

What does neutral mean? What does treating a teacher neutrally mean in practice for example?

Yep default position. I respect people for themselves though. I don't automatically give more respect to lawyers etc. Everyone is equal until they do something to lose it.

Respect isn't the same as manners though.