For thinking my online bf is being a twat?

[Thruaglassdarkly]

I met a guy online in a game, almost a year ago, after having split from my long term partner for almost 3 years. He lives in the US and was lovely. Seemed to be all I ever wanted in a man. But after 4 months, around Feb time, he stopped writing and drifted off. I told him it was ok, I had no interest in someone who wasn't interested in me and suggested that we be just friends, which he happily accepted.
Then in May, after not hearing from him, I sent him a hi, how are you (casual like - he is a lovely friend and I didn't want to lose that friendship), Anyway, he said he'd missed me and not stopped thinking about me. Could we start again etc. So I said yes. And he went full on from that point, wanting me to write a story of our first date, telling me all the things he dreamed of for us....super, super soppy and shit.
And then....true to form, after a couple of months he started to get busy and make excuses as to why he wasn't in touch.
Eventually. he admitted that he wanted to find a local woman for the physical stuff, which I do get in a way, although I find it hurtful that after the closeness we shared the physical becomes more important than anything else.
He was like, If I am not seeing anyone by the time I have time off from work then maybe I'll let you visit me if that's what you really want. And I reacted badly to this, told him he wasn't all that and that I wouldn't bother then if that was how he felt.
Then he freaked out and started accusing me of being cold and distant like his freakish dad who fucked up his whole life. He suggested he was scared of me :(

Ugh....I am shit with men. really shit....

Look, don't have a go at me. OK? I ain't up to that. I feel shit as can be right now. But any constructive comments are welcome. Am I a bitch for reacting to his remarks???

A few home truths here I guess but I'll be kind about it. I've been in almost the exact situation myself once upon a time and it bloody hurts like hell but after a lot of reflection I came to a lot of realisations and I think you also need to...

Nobody, I repeat nobody is 100% real over the internet. Even whilst skyping. skype is the closest you will come to the real them but it's still not 100%. It's too easy to run away from/ignore/hide/block somebody over the internet. If they say something to bug you then you can delete them and that is the end of it. Especially if it's long distance or they don't know your address, it's hardly like they'll be turning up at your house to try and resolve things or as if you'll bump into one another. You can simply delete them as if they're an app. It's cold and callous actually, I believe the internet does something to dehumanise many of us. We're sat comfortably behind a screen knowing or at least thinking we are untouchable so we can basically say or do whatever we like and there'll be no real repercussions. It's also really easy to pretend to be someone you're not, even if it's subconsciously. You show the best side of you over the internet or perhaps the worst depending on what the keyboard turns you into. But whichever side it isn't who you normally are in day to day life. Also everything is blown up over the internet. Insecurities, anger, arguments etc are all so much worse over a device, it can turn even the most rational person completely irrational. "oh my god he's seen my message but hasn't replied.. But but WHY?" And so it continues.

The distance is even worse. The man I met online and fell for was also from the US. This was a few years ago before DH or DC btw. I thought he was perfection personified but it's only now I realise how much of a dick he really was! And he was. The truth is if it were real love or even real at all they wouldn't be able to just ignore you. It would be too painful to. He didn't come back to you either to say he missed you. He waited for you to pop back up a couple of months later and it sounds like the attention is a bit of an ego boost for him as I think it was for the guy I met! Oh look she's back, I can get some attention until I find the next physical woman.

Keep all of that in mind, reflect, come to the conclusion that he's a dick which frankly, he is and close that chapter. It will save so much unnecessary hurt in the long run.

Wow, thanks everyone for the wisdom and kind words. Taking them all in here. I really did need the reality check some of you offered, but you were all so supportive too. Probably won't comment any further on this now as have got some constructive advice from people. It's all too easy to think our own long-distance "love" story is going to be the exception to the usual inevitable disillusionment and disappointment, but more often than not, the successes in this area are few and far between, so the chances of a happy ending are relatively low from the outset.
Thank you again :) Feeling a bit less crappy now and thinking, yes, he certainly wasn't all that after all.

Don't waste anymore time on him. If you want to continue internet dating then look for someone in the same country and meet them! x