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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I grounded my 10 year old daughter for a month for kicking her brother in the groin

108 replies

TiffanyG · 14/08/2014 07:48

So my 10 year old daughter and 13 year old son were arguing over their favorite chair and it got pretty heated. She's slapped him and pulled his hair before, but tonight she kicked him in the groin as hard as she could. He was on the floor for quite a while and he's still pretty sore. I'm scared she could make him sterile if she did that again so I grounded her for a month. AIBU?

OP posts:
diddl · 14/08/2014 08:58

I'd stick to it & not her have the chair for any of that time either!

diddl · 14/08/2014 08:59

and perhaps some sort of rota for the chair in future??

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/08/2014 09:00

Humble pie your post is weird.

I wouldn't want my son to get smashed in the testicles for the same reason as the op. Likewise if I had a daughter.

People saying that the boy should have avoided conflict wtf? Siblings argue, but booting someone is way, way beyond acceptable.

If a brother had kicked his sister op would be getting different responses.

If my child had kicked someone like that they'd know they were in deep trouble.

Iggly · 14/08/2014 09:01

How long did it go on before you intervened? You need to step in sooner. I would have taken the chair so none of them had it and make them negotiate how to take turns.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/08/2014 09:06

To be fair to the boy, he was sitting in the chair when the girl nicked it because he got up for a drink. So she was already in the wrong before kicking him.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/08/2014 09:07

I don't think yabu tbh.

And why wouldn't she worry about his testicles?

A slap round the face or a lunch in the stomach would hurt but not be serious, but a hard kick to the testicles does have possible serious consequences other than just pain.

It's not funny, it's actually seriously nasty and wArrants a serious punishment.

Please do not dismiss sibling fights and arguments. Physical harm and injury is not acceptable just because you are related and others deem the conflict normal.

Notso · 14/08/2014 09:08

Humble growing up we had a two seat sofa, a five seater and a chair in the sitting room. There were 4 in the family.
My sister and I argued on almost a daily basis over the two seater sofa.

Lweji · 14/08/2014 09:09

It depends on whether she physically attacked him first.
And they should learn how to resolve conflict without violence, which is unacceptable.

She may not have realised that he only got up for some water and he (or someone else) should have offered her a seat if she was tired.

I think there's a huge opportunity for some learning for everyone here.

Anomaly · 14/08/2014 09:12

I used to kick my brother in the balls all the time. He was bigger and stronger than me so it was the only thing that worked. I can't say if its affected his fertility. But what exactly is your son doing when fighting his sister?

I do think it is coming across as a bit OTT as. To me the hitting/kicking is unacceptable. OP has said she has hit her DH's balls before while play fighting and presumably she's much older than 10 and yet still didn't know how bad it would be. Or worry about his fertility.

I do think a month is excessive. A talking to and punishment for fighting and reserve the grounding for a month if she does it again now she knows how bad it is.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/08/2014 09:12

Lweji, he didn't resort to violence. She did, and she's slapped him and pulled his hair before.

It wants nipping in the bud, every child has a right to live without violence, even from siblings.

TheFirmament · 14/08/2014 09:15

But testicles are fragile and tbh it wouldn't just be the possible damage that would concern me, it would be that she was OK with launching such a violent attack and causing that much pain.

Having read about people's memories of sibling fights, sometimes it does not blow over. Sometimes it is real, sustained abuse and it's possible the DS will always remember this.

YANBU OP unless you can find a punishment that will be more effective. Whatever will really affect her and wake her up, like loss of screen time, etc. I'd also be having a very serious talk with her about violence and how it has to stop, because before long she will reach an age where she's criminally responsible. Maybe there's even a course she could go on?

Notso · 14/08/2014 09:15

Conflict between siblings is normal Giles physical fighting is unacceptable though and needs to be treated as such.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/08/2014 09:16

Anomally wtf? My brother is older than me and funnily enough I've managed to get through life without ever kicking him in the balls. In fact I've never kicked or hit anybody no matter how much they've wound me up.

If this happened to my son at school I'd expect some action.

Can't even read this thread anymore with so many people downplaying the incident because she's female.

treaclesoda · 14/08/2014 09:16

humble my sister and I were arguing (good natured, but still arguing) just the other day about the fact that in my parents house she thinks she is entitled to a particular seat, and as soon as I get up from it, she dashes to sit down in it. My sister is almost 50 years old and I'm heading towards 40. The amount of chairs in the room has very little to do with it.

Anomaly · 14/08/2014 09:23

Pyjamaramadrama you didn't have my brother getting into physical fights with you did you? Sometimes when a sibling does something very bad like this its because its their only means of getting away or actually settling a fight in their favour for once.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/08/2014 09:26

You both shouldn't have been fighting full stop. And if he hit you then he was equally at fault.

Your parents shouldn't have allowed it to go on.

My parents were generally crap but one thing I will say is that there is no way they'd have allowed us to physically fight.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/08/2014 09:26

Pyjamaramadrama you didn't have my brother getting into physical fights with you did you? Sometimes when a sibling does something very bad like this its because its their only means of getting away or actually settling a fight in their favour for once

Or maybe they just think it's clever and being the youngest and the baby of the family where everyone fines down harder on your older sibling, they can inflict as much violence on their sister/brother as tey like because no one will do anything about it'.

PacificDogwood · 14/08/2014 09:28

I don't 'get' grounding: what does it achieve other than having a resentful child in the house? Confused
And a month is well OTT, but I think that's been covered.

I like natural consequences: she assaulted her brother rather seriously over a stupid chair (mind do this Hmm), so the chair is now his. She has lost all right to sit there. It would be up to him to 'allow' her back.

My brother and I fought as children. My boys x4 fight and sometimes I am quite taken aback how no-holds-barred their hitting and kicking can be.
We regularly talk about how a situation could have been diverted or not allowed to escalate before it came to blows - sometimes the older ones manage, sometimes they don't, but I do see progress.

DogCalledRudis · 14/08/2014 09:28

I was in a similar situation like OP's daughter with my older cousin.
He used to torment me endlessly hair pulling, stepping on my feet, squeezing my hands, and i would get a telling off from adults if i told on him or worse screamed.
Once i slapped him with a shoe, don't remember what for, then he cried like a baby and it was my fault again -- for hurting him.

I suggest OP should look beyond the chair squabble.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/08/2014 09:28

Op hasn't said that the brother hits the sister.

PacificDogwood · 14/08/2014 09:29

Oh, and she must be told in no uncertain terms that kicking any male between the legs is never ok.
Your DS will of course not be infertile, but I am sure he was in a lot of pain at the time and will be sore for a while.

DogCalledRudis · 14/08/2014 09:30

Doesn't need to be hitting -- very subtle forms of torture can be invisible but just as hurtful.

doziedoozie · 14/08/2014 09:31

Chair would be in the tip if this was my DCs. they can sit on the floor now.

Grounding depends on how often she goes out, if she daily is out with friends then grounding too severe. If she misses out on a few trips then not so bad.

She was sneaky jumping into his chair ....... but he got up, so he deserves to lose it in a DC's world. He is prob stronger so she was being extra vicious. Both DCs bad imo.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/08/2014 09:32

Pacific, giving the brother the chair will cause the girl to resent her brother further as to her she will feel like he's won. Plus he's likely to sit grinning in the chair. Knowing kids being kids.

Grounding is removing a privilege. As is removing TV/iPad, or whatever else.

Pyjamaramadrama · 14/08/2014 09:35

Dog the op hasn't said that the brother 'tortures' his sister. So I won't make that assumption. In fact the girl was mean for nicking her brothers seat just for going to make a drink.

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