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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to babysit again?

67 replies

ThistleDoMeNicely · 14/08/2014 00:01

I look after my friends child quite a lot.

Have a family event this weekend that I can't take DD to and months ago asked friend to babysit to which she agreed.

Spoke to friend a few weeks ago to ask if all was still ok and she said that she would let me know and not heard a thing since. Text again a couple of days ago and nada.

I don't expect her to look after my DD turn for turn. This is a one off and I genuinely have never felt taken loan of with the amount I babysit for her but I'm pretty annoyed that 1. She first said yes so I confirmed my attendance and then flaked a bit with the oh I'll let you know and 2. That she hasn't let me know for certain.

Wibu to just say no to babysitting for her in future?

OP posts:

fluffymouse · 14/08/2014 11:44

If she had said no she cant initially when you asked that would have been ok. To string you along and only give an answer at the last minute when chased isn't on.

I wouldn't end the friendship over this, but put a hold on babysitting for her.

Roussette · 14/08/2014 11:49

That is so UNFAIR. I am sure you are really hurt. I hate it when you put yourself out for friends on and on and the one time you need them to reciprocate, they don't. It highlights selfishness on their part and maybe it's a good thing you now know.

Cornettoninja · 14/08/2014 12:31

Although I don't fully believe the work excuse I do think it's a big ask when you're skint BUT she should have let you know asap or not agreed in the first place.

I don't think I would leave it to tit for tat, I would have to tell her that I wish she'd let me know sooner and pile on what a pita she's made it for you.

Laura0806 · 14/08/2014 13:15

I wouldn't text her, just, as you said, wait until she asks again and be busy. I thinks she will get the mesage. Have a lovely night out!

starlight1234 · 14/08/2014 13:28

I wouldn't dump the friendship if you are good friends ( although babysitting is clearly not equal at all) but from how you have posted I don't believe she had offer of work. sees strange yes , let you know and now no.

I wouldn't be babysitting but I also would not end a friendship about not babysitting.

CSIJanner · 14/08/2014 13:30

As much as I would love for you to put together an invoice with deductions for her, I think you (and your lovely family member) are the better people here. So go out, have fun and don't give her pisstaking cheekiness a second thought until she asks/presumes again.

NotALondoner · 14/08/2014 13:40

Don't say anything until she asks, then string her along and then be out of touch.

But I'm not a people person and this would piss me off no end.

CrapBag · 14/08/2014 14:09

Aww that's so nice of your family member to do that. Makes a nice change to hear about something like that on here.

As for your 'friend', no more babysitting from your. What a cow. She knew about this before but didn't bother to tell you (if she even has work, I think it could be an excuse). The additional nerve of her asking to cover the wage !

I have a feeling she will be around a lot less when she realised you won't look after her children anymore.

I like your adding up and billing idea. Do it!

Cheeky76890 · 14/08/2014 14:51

Or send her a jokey text 'maybe I should invoice you for my childminding services haha'

Original poster

ThistleDoMeNicely · 14/08/2014 17:33

To be honest I was pissed off when I was posting earlier. I won't be dumping the friendship but I will stop going out of my way to be available for her.

I'm sure a year down the line I won't give this a second thought but at the moment I feel like she has properly taken advantage and the piss on purpose.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 14/08/2014 17:50

Thistle, I reckon the friendship will wane if you aren't that available any more. She really does sound like a user.

I hope I'm wrong though.

Original poster

ThistleDoMeNicely · 14/08/2014 18:14

If it does it does. I guess it's something that time will tell with and if you're right then it's not much a friendship anyway clearly

OP posts:

Lexie1970 · 14/08/2014 19:05

I suppose the next time she does ask you, you could always state it will cost x amount and sure then it will be fine!!

mimishimmi · 15/08/2014 03:36

Make sure you don't continue providing her daughter care every Monday (really?) . She's a user and there are lots around. If anything it actually gets a bit worse when they get to school and parents don't want to cough up for after-school care. Sounds like a friendship of convenience to her.

Original poster

ThistleDoMeNicely · 15/08/2014 09:08

I don't do the Mondays anymore anyway. He work pattern changed. Like I said I really didn't mind, I enjoyed and and so did the kids. At that point I didn't feel she was taking the piss.

OP posts:

500smiles · 15/08/2014 09:23

I'm so sorry that you've found out how selfish your friend is, but very lovely of your relative.

Don't put yourself out for her ever again.

Bouttimeforwine · 15/08/2014 09:45

So she has earned all that money every Monday because you have enabled her to do that by babysitting, and now won't turn down one shift because of a pre arranged commitment. However skint she is, that's just not on.

She had no intention of babysitting, or she would have said much earlier that she would need to see if she was working.

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