...to not find this funny?

[Mindyourownb]

Long time lurker! Been meaning to write this for a couple of weeks now.

I am pregnant with my first baby, a girl, due in December.

I work directly opposite my manager in a small office (other colleagues all in a large, open-plan space directly outside our office. Starting to get incredibly hacked off with manager constantly making remarks about how squeamish she is about my pregnancy ("eww can see your stomach move" "hummus, eww, is that a craving?" etc etc). I have been experiencing really bad sickness and she is apparently severely phobic of sickness and will constantly say "eww the thought of throwing up makes me ill"..I go to great lengths to vomit in secret, armed with toothbrush etc out of respect but I really do not need to hear these constant comments.

She notices EVERYTHING, it's bizarre, nothing more repulsive than someone with whom you are not close commenting on how big my boobs are. Just generally don't want to hear every 5 minutes how repulsive she finds pregnancy when I am quite a private person and always endeavour not to bore people with accounts of personal things.

It is just exhausting. Is this something you have to just take on the chin though?? The constant negativity is killing me!!!

I agree with Ghoul: 'I'd appreciate it if you don't any further comments about my pregnancy and body shape'.

Simple and clear.

If that doesn't work, is there someone else you can escalate it to –her manager, HR?

And congrats!

Mindyourown, maybe she subconciously would love to be pregnant, but was never lucky enough to have a baby?
It could explain the bitchiness dressed up as concern.

Always saying how she could never have children because it would ruin her perfect life. Going on about the freedom she had as a childless woman. Turning her nose up at anything baby/child related and generally being a cow to me. She also used to talk a lot about her stupid cat like it was a child.

I know somebody like this who couldn't have children so treats her cat as a substitute child.
It's sad really

tell her that if she cant say anything nice then please can she not say anything at all.

I think I'd look a little pained at her next comment and say 'I know you probably don't mean to make personal comments and upset me, but I'm finding it a little hard to take. Can we just stop mentioning my pregnancy?' She then has two options. She can either be mortified and apologise, at which point you can let her off the hook make a joke and clear the air. Or she'll accuse you of taking things too seriously/being hormonal/unable to take a joke. At that point you can decide on exactly how to approach a formal complaint. Either way, you'll have the true neasure of her.

I'm with those who have suggested directly asking her to stop commenting on your pregnancy, no sarcasm, no way to misinterpret it. She sounds awful. Congratulations by the way!

overslept Wed 13-Aug-14 17:19:45
While yes she should try to stay hush about how gross she finds it all... Tokophobia is a REAL condition. A lot of people find the idea of pregnancy horrifying as well as the changes to your body. So YANBU to find what she says offensive and rude but everybody saying she is jealous is BU for forgetting that not everybody has to feel giddy/jealous/excited about somebody being pregnant. wink

I'm actually being treated for this, and have issues about being around pregnant women... the way I have coped with it is simply to avoid the subject and pregnant women. If you make comments you are actually only drawing attention to it after all. My issues have been problematic, but I at least have the consideration not to inflict it verbally on others.

I actually find the suggestion that its ok to behave like this because you suffer from it as some sort as justification for behaving in an unprofessional and rude manner. Its just not.

Congratulations on your pregnancy... She is being a bit rude, but I think some people on here are being a bit harsh toward her. She probably is jealous. You don't know she could be trying. Could be going through IVF. It's all very easy for pregnant women and women with children to come on here and call her, but imagine the pain you'd feel if you couldn't have children. You can't compare the need for wanting a baby to any other need.

Is she generally quite attentions seeking? It can be quite a serious issue.

Your pregnancy automatically takes the focus off of her without you actually doing anything so she starts making things about how she is effected by it. Hence the 'ewws'

Has she ever asked how you are doing, how the baby is etc? Normal question people ask when someone is expecting.

It's all very easy for pregnant women and women with children to come on here and call her

I'm neither of those things and I still think she's being rude and unprofessional.

redtoothbrush, I by no means said her actions were acceptable. I simply stated to those who assume she is jealous that some people find it hard for other reasons. She should not be picking on the OP though or making her problems into an issue in the work place.

Stating that this lady is jealous is insane speculation, she could be happy where she is (although she should not be projecting her views on to others) and as I see it, this is no more right than people without children patting each other on the back for having more free time and money and then stating all women with children are jealous because they no longer have those things.

It's hardly an insane speculation.

If a parent were mocking someone without kids in such a childish way every time they were together I would assume they were jealous, or at least insecure about their life.

but mollyhopper lots and lots of people do, with comments such as "they aren't grown up yet" etc. with regard to people who don't have kids. I feel this thread is getting off track and this is not OP's issue.

All I was saying was that it is not fair to assume somebody is jealous just because they are being a knob!

I think it's totally fair to assume someone is jealous because they are being a knob. :o

Jealousy can bring out ones inner-knob quite easily.

I dunno, I'm a knob to plenty of people and I'm not jealous. I'm just a knob

Well at least you're an honest knob. :o

I'd tell her you think her comments are inappropriate. I did this to a chauvinistic boss and he suddenly realised and stopped his comments.

NO, this is NOT something you should have to put up with!

Does she say these things in front of other colleagues, or just in private? Who knows why she's doing it, the main thing is that she needs to know it's not acceptable, and to stop.

It would be very tempting to raise an eyebrow and say "excuse me, did you say my breasts/illness/bump are bothering you?" followed with "well, that's not a very nice thing to say" if she doesn't take the hint to keep her opinions to herself. That might be enough to stop her, without jeopardizing your career or reputation.

thanks so much everyone. Came into work today and she immediately started by saying my bump was a weird shape today. I told her that it really wasn't on and i was likely to blow a fuse soon. She said she's only been joking. Best of all - she's the HR Manager!!

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

Joking or not, it's inappropriate. Make a note of comments with time & date.

"Make a note of comments with time & date."

Who is the OP meant to turn to for help when it's the HR manager causing the problem?

HR manager? [schock] Fuck. How did she get the job?!?

It's a good question though. Who manages the HR manager and deals with HR issues caused by them?

I think at our place it'd be some middle manager there's so many, they blend into one grey mass. OP, it'd be worth finding out who is her line manager and what the protocol is if you have a problem with her.

Which you do. She's being TOTALLY unprofessional.

obviously.

She may not be jealous. She may have a phobia, doesn't mean its acceptable.
Maybe she just doesn't like you! She's found your weakness and ls pressing it.