To think this 'engagement party' invite is a bit cheeky?

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A family member (dh's relative) got engaged a few months ago but have no date set for their wedding.

Last week we received an invite to a "celebration meal" to mark their engagement.

Great, they're a nice couple, we're not particularly close but there aren't many family members on dh's side so understood why we were invited.

But.. The invite gives us time/place AND cost per head per person!!!

AIBU to think if you want to celebrate but not pay massively for it you have a party in a pub with sandwiches or at home etc but don't plan a big elaborate meal, expect us to pay £20 per head (plus whatever it is for kids) just because you decide to get married?

We just had a function room for our engagement party, seems steep but at least they are honest, just b e honest back if you don't want to go

We've recently had a family member do the whole lavish engagement party in hard to get to location, with prezzie request; followed by wedding invite, complete with poem asking for cash for spending in Vegas, and stating no children.

The wedding itself was split into 4 events spread over a day, (gathering for coffee (?), then the ceremony, then a meal, then the reception). Large chunks of the family were invited to random parts of it - 2 and 4, for eg., or 1, 2 and 4, or (my PIL) just 1 and 4, or 2 and 3 ... It was bizarre! We were invited to the ceremony and the reception. But they were 9 hours apart, miles from where we live.

We went to the engagement do but none of the wedding.

The B&G rowed viciously and publicly at all of the above events
MN gold really. I should have done threads ...

I don't think it's a very traditional approach but to be fair they have been upfront about it.

Up to you now if you go or not.

Totally agree that if you 'invite' someone to a formal celebratory occasion you should pay - or host a smaller party at home with drinks and food, fair enough to ask people to 'bring a bottle'.

Getting together with friends and agreeing to go out for a meal is totally different.

The families know each other very very well. Small village, both attend same church, groups etc.

I told mil tonight we weren't going. She suggested she take the kids. I said they could go with her if she wanted, but when I asked them they don't want to go.

Oh well. Will chalk this one up as an experience!

Carvery!

It's cheaky. I wouldn't expect to pay to attend an engagement pretty. But most people I know who have had engagement partied have had 'love it if you could join us at pub x from time on date' type invites.

Don't like it don't go?

Not being cheeky but I would expect to pay my own way for a meal. It's an invite not a demand.

Carvery?
......and?

snob

Sadly you are unable to join them, but wish them the very best and look forward to their wedding. Simple.

It's probably simply down to the fact that few people can afford to feed and water a mob of guests these days, yet they want to spend time with each other.
(now quietly flapping about own upcoming birthday - I want to invite loooooadddds of people but they will have to buy their own drinks.)

I do think birthdays are different than a written-invitation engagement party.

Yanbu. Don't have food if you can't afford to pay for it. Cloth cut etc

Engagement party? What is it-1984?

What BOF said.

This is a 'come to our special night, look at us, pay us lots of attention because we are in lurve, but pay for your own meal, and bring us an engagement present' affair, isn't it?

Mil made us have an engagement photo like we were frickin royalty. It's never seen the light of day

I don't think this is cheeky at all, in fact it gives you a good get out clause if you deem it too expensive. What would be cheeky would be presenting you a bill for the wedding breakfast.