Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think this is a little old fashioned...

83 replies

Bean89 · 12/08/2014 16:12

I might just be being a little PFB, but yesterday I took my DD to be weighed at the midwives drop in centre. The lady who was registering us took my name, then DD's. She started writing the same surname as mine and when I told her it wasn't she looked appalled and asked why DD had a different surname. I told her it was her fathers and she still looked utterly baffled, so I explained we aren't married yet. There was very little small talk after that!
I'm obviously not hideously offended or anything, but surely there aren't that many reasons a child would have a different surname to the mother and really, why question it? Just seemed a bit off.

OP posts:

PhaedraIsMyName · 12/08/2014 23:13

To my son's father.

Morloth · 12/08/2014 23:15

I have a different surname to my two, no-one appears to give a damn one way or another.

We are married but I like my name and saw no reason to change it. DSs (and DH) are often put down as Mr/Master Morloth's Name as I arrange everything and do it using my surname, so if it isn't an 'official' thing then they just go with it.

DH's last name is as much Mr Morloth as mine is Ms DH's.

As I said, no-one appears to care.

LST · 12/08/2014 23:21

Both my ds have dps surname. I am not old fashioned. He didn't even expect it. I find in incredibly weird people on here find it weird. Tbh

honeybeeridiculous · 12/08/2014 23:22

I work in a maternity hospital and I would say over half the babies have a different surname to the mother,nobody bats an eyelid.
But babies always have same name as mum whilst in hospital,so we know who belongs to who!

tmae · 12/08/2014 23:34

I had my DS after getting married and we have different surnames as he has my husband's surname. I have a really boring surname and having both would be such a mouthful and they go together very badly. I tried having both but it just didn't work!

You would think it was something they'd come across before!

heartisaspade · 12/08/2014 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EATmum · 12/08/2014 23:46

It's not about the name though is it? It's the assumption. In the same way when the midwife assumed that I was 'White British' and ticked that box in the ethnicity section of my notes without asking me, during my booking appointment. She looked at me, and she made an assumption. It was wrong - perhaps understandable based on my appearance, but nonetheless wrong. Which shows that you mustn't project your assumptions onto others, particularly if you are working in a healthcare profession.
Because the appointment is about the patient, not about the person they happen to be seeing. And checking the facts with the person in front of them politely is really not that tricky.

Original poster

Bean89 · 12/08/2014 23:51

heartisaspade I have no intention of keeping my current surname past next July, so I don't want my child having a different surname to both her parents. There's many other reasons, but again I think it's up to the parent what they choose to name their child and don't think they should be made to explain that choice or be called unreasonable for said choice
Let's stick to the subject matter eh?

OP posts:

meltedmonterayjack · 12/08/2014 23:53

The registering lady can think what she likes, but it's very unprofessional to show distaste or treat someone differently because they make different choices to the ones they would make. I do think it's an old fashioned attitude, but understand that everyone thinks differently. It wasn't on to make it clear to you that she didn't approve though.

Squtternutbaush · 12/08/2014 23:54

Very unprofessional and like others I'm surprised it seemed unheard of.

Both my DC's have DP's surname, we're getting married next month and I won't be changing my name as DP's sounds awful with my first name. DC's have his name because to cut a long story short my surname is my step fathers who I no longer have contact with and whilst I've been known as it since I was 6 I've never really felt it was my name to pass on IYKWIM.

Had DS been younger we agreed we would have chosen a family name for everyone but he's 8 so it would get confusing.

Original poster

Bean89 · 12/08/2014 23:55

Heartisaspade- didn't read your post fully when you explained that you re-registered your child! Either way though, that's not a process I want to go through.
Plus, I want her to have her dads name, there was no suggestion I have assumed she had to.

OP posts:

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 13/08/2014 00:07

YANBU and I am surprised this happened at all. Most organisations working with parents structure their paperwork (and train their staff) to be neutral about family scenarios and account for all types of parents.

And what has being left wing got to do with anything?

M27J5M · 14/08/2014 12:18

I am really shocked at how rude some people are coming across on this subject!! I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion but (maybe it's just me) be a bit nicer about how you say things :/

ProfYaffle · 14/08/2014 12:26

It's hardly unusual for family members to have different surnames these days, the midwife must spend her whole day in permanent shock like

Eminybob · 14/08/2014 12:47

My DS was born 5 weeks ago and has my dp's surname as we are not married.
Not one midwife, health visitor, doctor or nurse has questioned it or judged or anything like that.

It's incredibly common for unmarried couples to have children and I would have thought that people who work in that profession will have seen it a lot, so your midwife sounds a bit barmy to be honest, or was deliberately being an arse.

Fwiw DP and I did plan our DS, we have been together 10 years, own a house together, but have just not gotten round to getting married. What does royally piss me off is people assuming that DS was unplanned because we are not married.

kentishgirl · 14/08/2014 14:54

Bean

"Heartisaspade- didn't read your post fully when you explained that you re-registered your child! Either way though, that's not a process I want to go through."

As Heartisaspade said, they had to re-register the children. It's weird, but it's something you legally have to do if you marry their father. If the natural parents marry after the birth of their child they are required under the Legitimacy Act 1976 to apply for the re-registration of their child's birth.

ADHDNoodles · 14/08/2014 15:20

DD has a different surname than me. Never gotten any looks or trouble for it.

Pipbin · 14/08/2014 16:13

Just thinking through my friends, none of my friends with dc's are married.

Simplesusan · 14/08/2014 16:20

Her attitude stinks.

What planet is she on?

Surely she must come across un married parents. Or those who have a different surname to their child.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid .

heartisaspade · 15/08/2014 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LST · 15/08/2014 22:31

I find it strange that you would bother giving the child a name you'd have to change

EmeraldLion · 15/08/2014 22:46

My ds's were given dh's name as we always knew we'd marry and I always intended to change my name to dh's when we did.

Why on Earth would I give my dc a name that I knew they'd have to change? How confusing for the child, and completely unnecessary.

wol1968 · 15/08/2014 22:46

How on earth would the silly moo cope in big cities where you could get all sorts of ethnicities and naming conventions? In Spain the mother and the children don't have the same surname even after marriage. Chinese people living in this country often take a separate 'Western' name as well as their Chinese ones (Singaporean and Hong Kong Catholics usually use their baptismal names). She needs a placement in a big multi-cultural London borough to shock the provincialism out of her.

sashh · 16/08/2014 05:38

somewherewest

Absoloutly it varies, and not just due to marriage/not marriage/keeping maiden name. When I worked in a northern town in the 1980s there were a fair few babies who had their mother's surname on their wrists but had to have some other identifier because of the number of 'baby Begum's on the ward.

I think nowadays few British born women take the name Begum on marriage but I get completely confused when I meet a man with the surname Begum.

StrawberryCheese · 16/08/2014 10:12

That is the kind of comment my DM would make and she is 60 and had a very rural upbringing. She told my friend that she thought you weren't legally allowed to give the child the fathers name if you weren't married. I was mortified but thankfully my lovely friend handled it well.

DM knew a few girls/unmarried women growing up who went away to live with a relative for a few months, all very hush hush. Needless to say DM opposes children born to unmarried mothers. A midwife, especially one in her early 30s should hold no such views, or if she does then she shouldn't make it known.

Flip

1 2 3 4