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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is unacceptable

26 replies

randallsummer · 12/08/2014 10:15

DHs Granny is in the latter stages of dementia. She has a bed in the lounge and she has live in carers, as well as other carers from an agency. The agency also provide someone to cover a live in carer if needs be.

Yesterday I was there trying to sort out the TV and went upstairs. The carers came when I was there and the granny was put on the commode. I then heard: 'f*cking hell, that stinks, I'm going to put that out" and the other carers laughing and agreeing.

I don't know if she was aware or not but I was so angry and upset on her behalf - WIBU to complain to the agencies about these carers? Have already told MIL.

OP posts:
MrsWolowitz · 12/08/2014 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohfourfoxache · 12/08/2014 10:18

Yes, complain - hardly maintaining dignity, eh? Hmm

MorphineDreams · 12/08/2014 10:18

Complain.

For one they shouldn't be swearing, two things like that should be dealt with discreetly, and 3 why were they all in the room whilst your granny was on the commode? Once they had gotten her seated one should have stayed and the others exited to allow her a bit more privacy and dignity.

Hate care assistants like this.

LuckySaint · 12/08/2014 10:20

Definitely complain.
Disgusting behavior by the carers.

Mrsstarlord · 12/08/2014 10:20

Definitely complain - people with dementia can be treated appallingly and when they complain it is often disregarded as they are considered to be unreliable. She is lucky to have you looking out for her - YADNBU

picnicbasketcase · 12/08/2014 10:21

Report it. How revolting that anyone should talk about someone they're meant to be caring for in that way. They should be supporting her and helping her to retain her dignity as a human being Angry

SparklyFooted · 12/08/2014 10:23

Please report this. It needs dealing with and the carers need to know it is completely unacceptable.

WooWooOwl · 12/08/2014 10:26

It woudo be unreasonable of you not to make a formal complaint.

Something like that is indicative of their entire attitude and lack of respect for their clients, so it's probably not an isolated incident.

Original poster
randallsummer · 12/08/2014 10:32

They do have to stay in the room while she's on the commode as she can't safely be left, but glad to hear I am not overreacting, thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
randallsummer · 12/08/2014 10:33

They do have to stay in the room while she is on the commode as she isn't safe to be left but thanks glad to see I'm not overreacting.

OP posts:
Original poster
randallsummer · 12/08/2014 10:33

Sorry thought it hadn't posted Blush

OP posts:
EstellaSpitsEmOut · 12/08/2014 10:38

That is awful behaviour and you should definitely complain. My mum has carers to help in a similar way and I would feel exactly the same if I heard this.
Unfortunately carers are not paid well enough and have a very high turn around, so it is difficult to get carers you trust and who are good at what they do. It's such a shame as there are some fantastic carers out there who deserve more for what they do.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 12/08/2014 10:40

Complain without a doubt, how disgraceful. Just another display of how badly people with dementia are treated.

Nocturne123 · 12/08/2014 10:41

How awful Sad I hate carers like this . My dgm has carers and whilst some are lovely , some speak to her as if she is a child . She has a phd and watching her be spoken to like an idiot really gets to me ! She's forgetful not stupid .

You should definitely report that , it's completely unprofessional and unnecessary . Poor woman and poor you , must have been horrible to hear

Mrsjayy · 12/08/2014 10:41

Poor granny dementia steals dignity it is a dreadful disease and these idiots carry on like that complain to the company they have no right to treat an old lady like that.

MarchEliza · 12/08/2014 10:45

That is terrible! Please do report it, it is completely unacceptable behavior.

Minions · 12/08/2014 10:49

Very disrespectful, please do get in touch with the agency. Everyone being cared for should be treated with dignity, kindness & respect. If you're able, perhaps a few unannounced visits would identify whether the care levels are what they should be.

Tapewormuprising · 12/08/2014 10:49

I would definitely report, that is totally unprofessional.

When i was in hospital a few years ago, i heard similar things from a bank nurse who was changing the elderly gentleman next to me. I WISH i had reported her :(

Mrsjayy · 12/08/2014 10:50

Caring is really easy to get Into the turn over of care companys is huge people think it is an easy job but imo caring is not respected enough not taking away what they said but it just proves not everybody is capable of doing the job properly and respectfully

MrsAtticus · 12/08/2014 10:52

PLEASE complain. I used to work as a carer and have since stayed in the caring profession. Carers need know how to treat the people they are caring for as intelligent and sensitive human beings, however hidden that may be behind dementia or other illnesses.

Original poster
randallsummer · 12/08/2014 10:55

I was really shocked that no one seemed to think 'hold on, that isn't on!'

OP posts:
Mouthfulofquiz · 12/08/2014 10:59

This is very disrespectful and does need to be reported. Dealing with bodily fluids etc is a key part of the job. Dignity must be maintained, it's so important.
I agree with the poster above who mentioned the low pay. It is unfortunate that caring work does attract people who sometimes don't actually really want to be doing this work. Not many take the viewpoint that they are being entrusted with people's precious family members...

LuckySaint · 12/08/2014 11:00

I've worked as a carer and the way some of them spoke about the clients was awful.
It's lousy pay so doesn't always attract the right sort of people.

MrsWinnibago · 12/08/2014 11:00

My Mum is a carer in people's homes and she would be absolutely livid on lyour DH's Granny's behalf. That is sackable and disgusting behaviour. INSIST the woman is sacked.

Someone like that does not deserve to be helping people.

MammaTJ · 12/08/2014 11:06

Complain and please let us know how you get on. This must not be ignored, maintaining dignity is so important.