The crux of the matter is this: We live in city A, and dh's office is relocating to city B. This will mean we either move to city B, or dh will have a 3 hour (1 1/2 hour each way) commute every day. Put quite simply - I don't want to move house, but I worry that this means I am committing him to a greatly extended working day, and that he will resent it.
Now for the longer version of the story, complete with several years worth pof back story (in the name of not drip feeding - please feel free to skip this bit if I am going on a bit!)
My husband was offered a job in City A following a redundancy and 2 years out of work. At that point I left my (not very well paid) job and the entire family moved to a town close to City A - this was a significant move to a different country, and so was a huge wrench for all of us. We were not in a position to buy a property, and so rented. During this time our 2 youngest children attended a school in City A, and I went to university there.
After 3 years (one year ago now) our landlord wanted to sell the house we lived in, and so we moved into City A. This has worked so well for the past year - we are close enough to dh's work that he can cycle in, we are just around the corner from the children's school, and our eldest has a place starting at the local 6th form in September. As for myself, I have over the past 4 years forged some links with the area - although I have yet to find a permanent job, I have been working as a supply teacher in the city for the past year and have build up a fairly secure network for myself, as well as several social ties. The street we have moved to has several children the same ages as my youngest two, and for the first time in their lives they are in the position of having children call to ask them over to play and vice versa. Middle child is looking forward to moving up to secondary next year, where she will be in the same school as the children she plays with at home. All in all, with the exception of my not having a permanent job, it is pretty perfect.
However, my husband's office are now moving to City B. We have to decide, in the next couple of weeks, whether to take the company's relocation package, or to suck up the commute. And I am worried that my reasons for not wanting to move (see above) are quite selfish when it isn't me who will be doing the commute. In honesty, the commute will make things more difficult for me too - dh will no longer be able to help out with any of the school runs, which in turn will reduce the areas I can accept work. Furthermore, I can forsee that the help I get in the house from him will reduce to pretty much nothing, because of his extended day and the children will see a lot less of him too. However, the alternative - us moving - would potentially make it easier for me to find a permanent post (there do seem to be more posts advertised in City B) but would hugely impact the children and, not to put it too finely, my social life, such as it is. Not to mention I love the house we are in a the moment (although it is rented) and I quite simply don't want to move.
Am I being unreasonable to just say "No, I don't want to", even though the negative impacts of my saying so affect him more than me?
Sorry this is so long!