Not to tell ex about new sexual relationships

[Seventy6]

I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago , we lived together for 3 years. We still sleep together sometimes as we get on very well.

I now have a new sexual partner (but not a relationship).
I'm not sure if I should tell my ex or not.

I think I should out of respect for him as we still have sex.

Or I shouldn't because deep down maybe I just want to tell him to prove something about how I don't need him (there is still some hurt there)

Am I unreasonable not to tell him or to tell him

Does your new sexual partner know that you're still having sex with your ex?

I think it depends on two things.

Is there any understanding of exclusivity between you and your ex? Would you consider it ok if he were doing the same?

Are you using condoms? With both partners?

Stop sleeping with the ex. I really REALLY don't understand why you'd keep shagging someone you've split up with. It's too complicated and keeps you locked into the past.

It causes situations like this one - where you wonder if you're duty-bound to reveal new relationships, or to try to rub your ex's face in it because actually, you're not over them yet.

If he's hurt you, why oh WHY would you keeps keeping with him? The best cure for hurt is defiant pride and dignity. Shut your bedroom door and move forwards.

Yes the new one does

I don't think you should sleep with your ex if there is still some hurt there and you want to prove to him that you don't need him. Give yourself a chance to get over the relationship properly.

The end did mean the end of exclusivity.

As someone in the almost exact same situation I have stopped having sex with my ex but haven't said why.
He hasn't noticed we aren't IYSWIM as it wasn't all the time just on occasions but I've stopped initiating it!

I think what you're doing is fine as long as it is JUST sex and that you are protecting yourself from STD's!

Would you be happy if your ex also had other partners? Are you completely over him?

Really good to get some different perspectives, thank you

I'm not sure justmuddling. Just sex like I have would be ok. A proper relationship would throw me I expect.

Why does your new sexual partner think it's ok for you to have sex with your ex as well as him?

Is he cheating on a partner, or does he just have low self esteem?

So yyou're not really over him then. You haven't had to. Having sex with him has kept him close to you. I would stop sleeping with ex, give youself time to move away from him. If he starts a relationship while you are still having sex, it could be upsetting. Break away now. Good luck.

Worra the new guy is just a very good friend, he's not looking for exclusivity.

Move on. Stop shagging your ex and look for someone you do want.

Or maybe you still want to be with your ex?

Just muddling - thanks for your comments , I'm trying to be friends, spending time together regularly . When he meets someone new, that won't happen any more. I think that's what will be hard. It's not so much the sex.
I guess it's the old can we still be friends thing

As long as your ex is aware that you do not consider the relationship between you and him to be exclusive then you don't need to give him any details.
BTW having non-exclusive sexual relationships that you are open about is a sign of high self esteem, not low self esteem.

If you're having unprotected sex then he needs to know.

If not then I might mention it in passing but it'll probably be the end of your shagging him

Big Tilly .
I love spending time with my ex. I don't want him to be my partner though.

Stop sleeping with your ex. Why? Because he's your ex.

You can be friends without sleeping with him. You sound like you're selling yourself short. Would you not be better spending some time being single? I'm SO not judging you, but sleeping regularly with 2 men, neither of whom you are in a relationship can't be good for your self esteem?

Saucy
But I like it!!!
And it doesn't mean I want to have a committed relationship with him

Dude. You need to get yourself a copy of He's Just Not That Into You by dear uncle Greg.

You'll never look back (or shag wankers again)

Justmuddling I've found it quite nice and positive to have sex without being hung on a relationship. (Obviously finding my feet with the ex) And do feel like I'm being single.

Do you think your ex will stop sleeping with you if you tell him about your new partner?

Having sex with several different men without being in a relationship is excellent for self esteem. Far too many women are still socialised to believe that you can only have sex if it's linked with love and commitment, which means they put up with horrible relationships - either because the sex is great but the rest of it's rubbish, or because they think that the fact they've had sex means it has to be True Love.
Having sex with exes is sometimes a bad idea, but sometimes it's fine. It depends why you broke up - if you broke up because the relationship had run its course, or because one of you wanted to make a major commitment to a new job/project or move abroad, then there' no reason not to have a friendly bunkup from time to time.