Not to tell ex about new sexual relationships

[Seventy6]

I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago , we lived together for 3 years. We still sleep together sometimes as we get on very well.

I now have a new sexual partner (but not a relationship).
I'm not sure if I should tell my ex or not.

I think I should out of respect for him as we still have sex.

Or I shouldn't because deep down maybe I just want to tell him to prove something about how I don't need him (there is still some hurt there)

Am I unreasonable not to tell him or to tell him

Just muddling no I don't think so, I don't think it would change much really

Solid gold brass. Thanks for your comments, I think we have a similar outlook .

I think it's best to get it all out in the open then. Everyone will have all the facts and as long as you are all happy and protected then barry on!

Just muddling, thank you for taking the time to help :-)

Caveat: I don't have the same outlook as you and solid gold, and am assuming that you do want a new relationship.

Have you considered not having sex with either of them, getting over your relationship, then moving on once your head is in the right place?

Does it really make you feel good knowing that your ex and the new guy are only interested in sex and not a relationship? If you're really ok with that, then fair enough, but defo tell them both about each other.

I agree with SGB and think you seem to be having fun.

He's your ex so you don't owe him exclusivity but just make sure you protect yourself. Of course you know that.

This tells me that the OP isn't just having carefree sexual fun...

Or I shouldn't because deep down maybe I just want to tell him to prove something about how I don't need him (there is still some hurt there)

If you really don't need him then you have nothing to prove.

Just be careful that your heart isn't more into it than you're willing to admit.

I agree with SGB about sex being fun and positive for your self esteem. However, I do think you should tell the ex, unless it was made clear when you started sleeping together that you would be looking for other partners. I think that as you want to be friends with him, you need to let him know.

I was going to say that it isn't his business when I saw the thread title.
However if you are having sex with two people I do think they have a right to be aware of it.

Just because you have sex doesn't mean he has some ownership, I say none of his business. As long as you are practising safe sex, enjoy being single.

But you aren't over him, so I'd look elsewhere for company and flings.

Flings can be liberating, as long as you aren't emotionally involved.

If you're having fun and its all consensual and all parties know where they stand then its fine. I do think there is still a certain amount of stigma in women ackowledging themselves as sexual beings

Just make sure you have safe sex with BOTH (something you said earlier suggested you were only with the new guy - your ex could be sleeping with other people too so better to be safe!)

as long as everyone agree then i see no issue whats so ever.

I think the OP isn't a silly 16 year old, she knows about safe sex.

I agree that there's nothing wrong with having open and non-exclusive sexual relationships if you're having them for the right reasons and with people of a similar mindset. I would question whether your ex is the right person to be one of the latter though, because of your quote "because deep down maybe I just want to tell him to prove something about how I don't need him (there is still some hurt there)". That doesn't sound to me to be quite the right carefree attitude needed to make things work in a way that's healthy and pain-free for you and your partners.

Perhaps keep ex as a platonic friend, have fun with your new man and if someone else comes along who fits into your non-exclusive situation but without the emotional baggage of your ex, then fill your boots.

The idea that women having multiple sex partners have low self-esteem - I think men came up with this to try and keep women in their place.

Bollocks to that!

Have fun, OP. As long as you're using condoms and not misleading anyone, it's all good.

You can have sex with who you want but you do need to have clear and open rules about the rules and boundaries with every partner you have.
Everyone should know where they stand. All partners should know if you are not interested in an exclusive relationship.