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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect boss not to scream

35 replies

Sunnydays999 · 10/08/2014 19:50

When ever anything goes wrong she rants like a petulant child screaming and banging on tables .i like the job but she rants at everyone - apart from leVe how would you deal with her ? I have PTSD so tend to freeze when she starts -or cry

OP posts:

Original poster

Sunnydays999 · 10/08/2014 19:51

Just to add I am her PA so I get it much worse than anyone else .its a small family bushiness so hard to report hr as it would be to her husband - although I believe he knows how unreasonable she is

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/08/2014 19:54

Film her and show it to her?

AgentZigzag · 10/08/2014 19:58

Agree with SDTG, great idea to show it to her and the rest of the office after you'd posted it on youtube and fb

YANBU, you don't get paid to take ranting like that, she needs to get control of herself.

EnlightenedOwl · 10/08/2014 20:28

give her Devil Wears Prada DVD?

Earlybird · 10/08/2014 20:31

Not that it is ever OK to behave in that way, but how frequently does she go off?

sherbetpips · 10/08/2014 20:39

Look for another job, you can't change her so no point putting yourself through it. You could always tell her how much it upsets you but don't expect that to change her.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 10/08/2014 20:44

Urgghhh I hate people that act like this in a position of responsibility. It really shows their lack of control and deficit of skills.

I would be tempted to stand up, which will throw her off, then say "I cannot continue this meeting when you are shouting at me, please call me back when you have calmed down"

The calm person who walks away has more leverage in this situation.

I did this to my manager once. She was a screamer. She used to march across the office screaming at my manager. It was so unprofessional. When my manager left and I was holding the fort she tried it with me. Called me in for a meeting and told me there was going to be a new dept head position that I could apply for but I wasn't going to get the job. When I calmly said that was illegal and immoral she really went off.

I said sorry I will not be spoken to like this, it's not productive and walked out. She followed me out screaming, but my entire team were all sat around the meeting table. Sixteen pairs of eyes judging her as a big twat.

I fucking loved my team.

blueshoes · 10/08/2014 21:16

If it is a family business and she is married to her report, I don't think you stand any chance that the family will side you over her. It is a case or lump it or stand up to her but be prepared to leave and/or sue the company.

You won't change her. You need to look after your mental health.

How easy is it to find another job? Life is too short.

Earlybird · 10/08/2014 21:19

My friend worked for a screamer (though it wasn't a family business). When the boss started to go off at him one day in a staff meeting, my friend said firmly/softly 'stop it. stop it right now. You are making yourself look foolish'. And after that, the boss continued to scream when upset, but never screamed at my friend again.

I have sometimes wished I had used that approach on a few people in my working life...

Dontgotosleep · 10/08/2014 21:20

N.Y.N.B.U. She sounds like a spoiled kid and to be honest she seems like she's making a show of herself, perhaps she wants to rethink her career status because if she doesn't know by now that people are human and will make mistakes then she's in the wrong jog. People go on about kids having tantrums ffs

ImperialBlether · 10/08/2014 22:41

I think the first thing is not to respond in a similar fashion. Keep yourself very still, your voice calm and don't interrupt her. Let her have her tantrum. At some point, surely, she'd have to embarrass herself.

Secondly, you do need to talk to her husband about it. You shouldn't have to put up with it and he should talk to her about it, as her business partner.

She sounds awful. Would you be able to talk to her about it on a day when she's calm?

Original poster

Sunnydays999 · 11/08/2014 19:21

I doubt it she is easily set off I'm in tomorow and quite on edge not sure how to handle her

OP posts:

Selks · 11/08/2014 19:33

Could you not have a chat with her? Something along the lines of "I know you are very passionate about work and getting things right and that is great, but did you know I find it really hard to cope with sudden loud noises or banging on desks? It's very distracting to me and puts me off my job, and I want to be able to focus and do well at my job too." It's up to you whether you want to disclose your PTSD but it might help her understand why you find it hard.
Do you have supervision from anyone? Could you discuss it with them? I sympathise, I would find it very hard to cope with too.

ADHDNoodles · 11/08/2014 19:44

Yep, I have an aunt like this that runs a business. She is a nightmare to work with. Ironically she then wonders why she can't find employees, and blames on them wanting to be lazy welfare suckers instead of finding work.

I wouldn't disclose your PTSD. If she doesn't care about your feelings now, she's not going to care about a diagnosis. I've come to learn this about disclosing disabilities. If they have no respect before you disclose something, disclosing it isn't going to change that.

HappyAgainOneDay · 11/08/2014 20:18

Why do people say 'scream' when they mean 'shout'?

immortalwife · 11/08/2014 20:27

Because she means scream. I worked for a family business in west Yorkshire where the husband, wife and son were directors and would literally scream shout and rail at you when you made a mistake. There was nobody to go to to complain about it. It was humiliating and degrading for most staff. They have a high turnover of staff too, mostly apprentices from a business college they pay at half pay.

I got depression and high level anxiety, I was having at least one panic attack a day.

I left. Only thing for it really.

AgentZigzag · 11/08/2014 20:42

The OP's going to be chuffed to bits when she sees the constructive advice in your post HappyAgain, her problems are over.

CookieMonsterIsHot · 11/08/2014 20:46

Get another job.

She'll never change. He'll never back you up. Leaving is your only option.

Film or record a few tantrums on your phone. Then keep it as an insurance policy in case they throw a fit and mess you about with references, slander or something.

whatever5 · 11/08/2014 21:04

That sounds really awful. I would leave and never work for a family business again. I would also film her and put it on Youtube after you have left.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 11/08/2014 21:16

I would have to leave or punch the silly bitch.

I would probably leave first, couldn't be dealing with that. I wonder what she thinks she achieving by screaming, dozy cow!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 11/08/2014 21:18

Leave and film her and do what whatever5 suggests.

chrome100 · 11/08/2014 21:25

I was a PA to someone who did this. It left me a bag of nerves. If she wasn't screaming she was huffing and puffing. I used to arrive in the morning and she'd already be at it. I think she was under a lot of pressure and couldn't handle it but nor could I - so I left.

joanofarchitrave · 11/08/2014 21:26

No screaming in my past jobs but I would never work for a couple again having had a bad experience with this before.

I would do what WallyBanters said, and look hard for another job too.

i wouldn't film her, I've no idea if that is legal.

auntjane2 · 11/08/2014 21:36

I agree it sounds like time to look for another job.

oldiebutnctoday · 11/08/2014 21:42

I used to work in a job that involved talking to people in stressful situations on the phone. They would occasionally become abusive and shout and swear so we adopted a fairly successful strategy for dealing with it, which was saying slowly and clearly but firmly, if you continue to swear/shout at me I will have to end this call, repeat twice and if no improvement end the call. It was really helpful to repeat the same words exactly each time for both parties and the majority of people would sort themselves out and if they didn't they would have to sheepishly call me back to get their problem resolved. In your situation (and I appreciate it takes a lot more courage face to face) could you say if you continue to shout/scream at me I will have to move away from you, repeat twice and if no improvement leave the room/area. If you do this every time it happens she will either get the message and stop it or it will change nothing and you'll know you have to change your job. I really feel for you as it's horrid to be miserable in your workplace like this. Good luck with whatever you decide.

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