We should cancel this holiday - sleeping bags soaked before we even leave, estranged parents

[justfoundout2014]

I have had a few threads recently about my sahd h who has been sleeping with a mutual friend for 2.5 years. We are separated (rooms) and he will move out when we get back from this family holiday in UK that the dc have been looking forward to.

We are supposed to be camping (pods, not tents, which is something) but, of course there is torrential rain here and in our destination. When we moved in here, h insisted on keeping all camping stuff, even sleeping bags, in the garage. I said with the slightest risk of damp they should go in the huge attic room which is a proper room, so easily accessible. No. All camping gear must go in the garage. The garage had a leak we were unaware of. The bags are absolutely drenched and there is smell of damp, so I don't think it's the first time they have got wet over the year . He has gone to check on the airbeds.

I have had to tell the dc we will go tomorrow, not today, which has caused tears, but I'm not really sure the stuff will be fit to use tomorrow. I just feel drained. Really, really, didn't want to go anyway and now this. Every day some other shit caused by him. He has taken the view that we have to act normal for the dc (fine) but that we can't even discuss our issues when they are in bed as there's 'no point in screaming at each other.' Not fine. I don't want to scream, but I can't just go on like nothing is happening.

We can't afford to replace it all right now. I just want to give up on it, but can't let the dc down. FFS.

Have just heard him come in and turn the hairdryer on, so I assume the airbeds are indeed wet, and he is trying to dry them like a twat. There are four dripping sleeping bags here, the smell is getting stronger. What the fuck do I do?

It is a horrible situation, there are no easy answers but good luck and I hope you sort it out

I hate sleeping bags, we have always taken duvets camping, in tents.

Start making alternative plans - book a cleaner a couple of times a week , cm short term etc. How long are you off for ? I'd be tempted to pack the kids off with twat h alone for at least some of the time and use the break to reorganise then take them to a b and b/travelodge for a few days.

Duvets and a sheet definitely. I hate sleeping bags.

The relationship is over that's clear but I can understand you wanting the dc to have a holiday and to be happy.

He is treating you like shit because you are letting him.

Noone would go on holiday with a man that had cheated on her, not even for the kis sake. You will all have a horrible time, it will.be harder to get him to leave and you will be even more depressed than you are right now.

You are lieing to the children because things are not ok and you dont have to hide that from them. Show them its not ok for anyone to treat you this way.

Sorry you think you have to go on holiday with this man and I hope you find the energy to respect yourself, protect yourself and find a posative way forward to a future where you are happy. You deserve to be happy, respected and loved. You maker xx

You matter stupid phone

Ps try to spend as much time away from him as possible it will make the holiday a little easier on you.

Well said anairofhope82

Take care of yourself op

Take duvets. And buy new air beds they are about £10 in tesco do t forget pillows

You will be able to cope when he leaves- what about an au pair for drop offs and pick ups?

He can still do some childcare presumably, he may even have 50% care if that's what you want.

I think what anair said is spot on, I hope you don't go to be honest and implode the whole sorry mess, but if you do go, do sort it out immediately on getting back- especially as you do really need to make plans this summer if you are to be up and running without him there for Sept term (he can take kids to school from another location).

Housework? I know it's a trite response, but millions manage. You have systems, get the children on board, let standards slip. The au pair suggestion sounds worth considering, although maybe it would be a bit much so soon after the arseman has left.

After school clubs, child minders... All options.

Honey, your children know something is wrong, even if you have not said a thing to them. Children are very sensitive to what is happening in their families. This trip may end up being very difficult not only for you ( and you have been through enough already!) but for your children too.

What happens if he has a tantrum and you decide you have had enough? You go home, leaving some very upset and bewildered children. It does not sound as if he would deal with the situation with the compassion and sensitivity needed to assist broken children.

Whatever decision you make, I wish you strength and clarity. These are trying times for you..

I just want to remind you that its like everything in life. Change is scarey but then you get into a routine and you relise you can cope and not only that but you are having a good time and feel empowered and good about yourself and your life.

You have no energy because he is sucking it out of you for the last two years. It will get better but only if you make it happen.

I'd cancel and take the kids out of school into a static caravan next term when it will be dirt cheap.

OP this is going to be a really tough holiday for you - try and go easy on yourself and give yourself some space from him where you can eg take one DC off on a short walk/to playground. Sounds horrendous. Try to take each minute/hour/day as it comes - it's finite, get trough it, come back, get him out, and then a new start

Hi op, I've read your other threads and really feel for you- you have got, got, got to get rid of this man. You absolutely can do it. Please don't feel you need to go through these charades for the children- you will make yourself ill and frankly create models for your children that you will not want them to recreate. What would you say to your dd if in 30 years time she is in your situation? Say it to yourself and you will cope, there is joy ans life beyond this patronising arsehole who's attached himself to you. So sorry you are going through this

I hope you have survived intact, I really feel for you

Hope you're getting through your holiday ok Op, thinking of you

I would absolutely not be going... I personally would rather the children get used to separation sooner rather than later. You can be civil for the kids without doing family things together.

A holiday with your recently estranged husband sounds like a recipe for disaster, but the damaged camping gear will just create more work, cleaning, drying etc and it might not even be usable in the end. It sounds like the situation could cause a lot of arguing.

I would explain to the children the camping gear is damaged therefore holiday is cancelled, and perhaps do something else fun? Theme park? Bowling? Cinema? Ok this might not replace a holiday, but something to keep them happy until another holiday can be planned.

Or, tell your husband to sort the gear out himself, take the children, and you have a lovely peaceful break at home?

Hope things work out! X