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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH always moans if I don't go to bed when he does.

33 replies

MrsWinnibago · 10/08/2014 00:23

And I HATE THAT.

His bedtime doesn't automatically mean it;s mine does it!

Sometimes I go before him and I never say a bloody word!

If he goes before me, he keeps getting up again and getting a drink/going for a wee/moaning that the light's keeping him awake.

We live in a flat and the light from the sitting room will shine into the bedroom if the door's open...but HE's the one who leaves it open ffs!

Why can't he just go to sleep without saying "Why are you still up?" "Are you coming to bed?" blah blah!

I sometimes like a late night to chill out...it already feels a bit naughty when I do it...but I like doing it!

OP posts:
KingJoffreysBloodshotEye · 10/08/2014 00:25

I'd stay up all night just to piss him off.

Wink
Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 10/08/2014 00:26

I think I do stay up later when he moans!

OP posts:
SinglePringle · 10/08/2014 00:27

Agreed King but I'd stay up drinking and singing just to piss him off!

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 10/08/2014 00:29

Shock op I could have written that! Sometimes the next day I even lie about what time I went to bed as I feel guilty(ish). I have no idea why.

lettertoherms · 10/08/2014 00:29

YANBU. DP sometimes acts stroppy just because I'll go to bed with him and be on my phone/laptop for a bit while he's going to sleep. It's not even that it keeps him up, he just wants me to lie down and cuddle with him (??) even though he goes to bed about 8pm because he's up for work at 3 and I couldn't fall asleep that early. I have no problem getting in bed with him but I can't be on his sleep schedule!

To be fair, he usually only starts whining because he's overtired. Like a toddler.

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 10/08/2014 00:30

I don;t lie Ma but I do sneak about a bit in the hope he doesn't wake up!

Who the feck does he think he is! Me Dad!? No. I will now do a bit of a dance or clash a few pots! Bugger this sneaking and guilt!

OP posts:
BeckyBusto · 10/08/2014 00:30

buy him a fetching eye mask

and drug him

OK maybe not the eye mask, that's just silly.......

But getting up, faffing about, complaining......it sounds like he needs sleep training.

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 10/08/2014 00:31

letter yes! My DH also doesn't like it if I go on my phone in bed. And he doesn't even like cuddling for tits sake!

Well I'm not having it any more!

OP posts:
canyou · 10/08/2014 00:35

I can go to bed with DP or earlier but if I go up after it must be 1 hr to allow him get into a deep sleep so I do not wake himHmm Funny how a crying or sick DC does not wake himAngry
We have a large couch that is realky comfy, a few lit candles and a feather throw and I am happy, he hates to sleep alone Confused

BertieBotts · 10/08/2014 00:37

I always think this is a weird control thing, can't stand it! DH and I go to bed at totally random times.

Does he just think he's going to have more chance of having sex if you go to bed together?

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 10/08/2014 00:40

I don't know if it's the sex thing tbh. Could be I suppose. Hard to say. We're not exactly short on sex...we have plenty. But always room for more maybe that's it.

Also, the cat won't go without me so when I DO go to bed, the cat arrives just after I've got in and then walks over DH a few times in order to make his presence felt. Perhaps that's part of the issue.

OP posts:
ShinyShinySpoons · 10/08/2014 00:42

DP and I have very different work patterns. Sometimes he needs to be up stupidly early and sometimes I do.

I'd shut the door, whether or not it is his responsibility. Just shut it. It's up to him to go to sleep on time.

And if he's whinging about you staying up late just cos he has to be up early shouldn't make any difference to you. I'm pushing 50 and far too old to put up with this shite. As are you OP. Tell him to get to fuck.

Dontlaugh · 10/08/2014 00:44

The cat's not the issue.
Unless your DH is 2, then he's the issue.
Stay up til whenever you like. I assume you left school a long time ago, why be dictated to?

ICanSeeTheSun · 10/08/2014 01:19

Is he hoping that you will go to bed and then DTD

ShouldHaveMarriedTimDowling · 10/08/2014 01:24

Mine was the same. Till I stopped listening. Tis ridiculous indeed.

trufflehunterthebadger · 10/08/2014 01:26

are you coming to bed
i can't sleeeeeeeep
turn the light off, huff

All translate into one simple phrase

i want a shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag

AgentZigzag · 10/08/2014 01:30

Tell him to get fucked.

No phone in bed? Confused how has he come to the conclusion that he gets a say in where you take your phone?

Does he think you're up to 'stuff' when he's not there keeping his eye on you?

Mouthfulofquiz · 10/08/2014 01:36

People are funny about bed times aren't they? I hate it if my DH wants to go to bed before me, because I like the feeling of getting in bed first!! (I know that is weird!)
But I'd never actually say anything about it if he wanted to go to bed first! I'd probably suggest joining him...

daiseehope · 10/08/2014 04:24

Same problem here, my partner tends to get quite nasty about it. Wait! Why am I writing at silly o clock? Well he just came home hammered , got annoyed at me for being annoyed at him waking me up and has taken himself to the sofa. Idiot. Definitely a controlling issue with mine.

sykadelic · 10/08/2014 04:41

My ex used to do that (one of the many reasons he's an ex). I wasn't "allowed" to go to bed after him. Then it progressed to having to wake up when he did (if it was earlier) otherwise I was my fault he was late.

Bugger that for a joke. Tell him to see a doc about sleeping tablets if he's struggling so much. Tell him to shut the door. Buy a different lamp for the living room. You don't need to be on the same schedule as him and it's extremely controlling to dictate your sleeping patterns like that.

flyingspaghettimonster · 10/08/2014 04:49

I must be odd then because I love going to be at the same time. We've been together nearly 16 years now and I find it hard to fall asleep without snuggling in our usual positions, and often bedtime is the only real chat we get all day. It isn't about sex and I don't think it is about control - I am a light sleeper so if I go up first I struggle to sleep knowing he will wake me when he comes in. We don't get up at the same time, but I do love the constant of watching a programme or movie then both going up.

googoodolly · 10/08/2014 04:56

But flying I think that's different because you want to. I like going to bed with DP too but I wouldn't force him to come to bed with me, especially as I have to get up at 5am for work and he doesn't start until midday.

londonrach · 10/08/2014 07:12

Roles reversed here. I go to bed early and dh goes alot later. 2 bed flat and light keeps me awake. I pop across at least once asking if he coming to bed. If a good film on he doesn't. He looks worn out due to late bedtimes.

gamerchick · 10/08/2014 07:24

Separate bedrooms here so no issue.

You need to stand your ground OP, nobody has the right to tell you or repeatedly get up or hounding you to go to bed just because they are. Get a little lamp so he can't whinge about the light and shut the bedroom door yourself after he's gone to try and get him out of the habit.

CarmineRose1978 · 10/08/2014 07:40

flyingspaghetti we're the same. We both like snuggling up in bed together... Last night my DP was watching a film that I wasn't enjoying, so I came to bed early, and within about ten minutes, he'd turned it off and come to bed too just so we could go to sleep at the same time. No nagging though!

One reason I like us to go to sleep at the same time is that he would disturb me if he came to bed after I'd fallen asleep, and knowing that makes it harder to fall into a proper sleep. I'm a really light sleeper with early waking insomnia so it's important to me get good quality sleep at the beginning of the night.