Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid with (d) h

39 replies

browneyedgirl1 · 09/08/2014 19:48

So on Monday I had a hysteroscopy. I have a 7 year old and an almost 3 year old so asked dh to take the day off to support me with procedure and dc. He said he couldn't spare the leave but would work from home. So he was able to take me but I still had to deal with dc etc. Fortunately I felt ok.
However, I have now discovered that he has booked a days holiday to go to an non work related exhibition in a few weeks.
Aibu to think this is bang out of order.
His excuse was that the exhibition was planned before.
Aibu to let rip about this.

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 09/08/2014 19:54

"Couldn't spare the leave" equals couldn't be fucked to swap the non work-related day off in favour of his own wife.

I'd be bloody livid as well as bitterly disappointed in his ruthless selfishness.

CheesyBadger · 09/08/2014 19:56

Yes, you need to raise it of you will resent him

DoJo · 09/08/2014 20:23

YANBU to be angry that he couldn't prioritise a day when you were having an invasive medical procedure over a day out for his own entertainment. Does he have form for this kind of selfishness, or is this a one-off?

MrsKCastle · 09/08/2014 20:26

Yanbu. I'd be bloody furious.

lurkingaround · 09/08/2014 20:29

Pretty awful. YANBU. I would be livid also. Don't give a damn if the exhibition was booked prior to your hysteroscopy.

So what else has he going on that takes priority/is more precious for his precious leave, over you having a hospital procedure?

LiberalLibertines · 09/08/2014 20:31

YANBU to be pissed off,I would be too.

SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 20:32

YANBU Shock

The days leave for the exhibition should have been cancelled and he should have used it to look after you and the DCs. I'm a bit surprised that there wasn't some carers leave, or other type of leave, he could have accessed, but regardless - your recovery trumps exhibition. Not surprised you are furious. Tell him MN is Unimpressed.

Original poster
browneyedgirl1 · 09/08/2014 20:33

I truly think he thought it was just like popping in for a scan. Need to calm down before I raise it. Although agree it will fester if I don't raise it.
Thank you

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 09/08/2014 20:33

I would be inclined Couldn't spare the leave time to do his washing, cleaning, cooking and anything else which relates to him for a good while. I may though find time to go away for a weekend or two and leave the children him.

gamerchick · 09/08/2014 20:34

Is this the dude who let you run after the kids straight after your procedure so he could have a blood test while you were at the hospital or am I thinking of someone else?

Chuckthefucklebrothers · 09/08/2014 20:35

What an absolute arse! Let's hope he doesn't need looking after any time soon.

BolshierAyraStark · 09/08/2014 20:37

He couldn't be arsed, sounds like a decent bloke...Hmm

YANBU

scaevola · 09/08/2014 20:40

I'd be tempted to let rip.

Leave needs to be budgeted IYSWIM, and plans altered when there is need. Your health is an important need and a change of plan should have been considered. Now perhaps it would have been impossible (eg others off during the school holidays meaning he had to work, but no such pressure when he wanted an odd day a few weeks ahead) but it could (and should) have been properly and sympathetically explained in those terms, if indeed they apply at all. What's wrong here is his apparent ability to satify his own wishes (which is not wrong in itself) without consideration for everyone's wider well-being (which is very wrong).

Tallypet · 09/08/2014 20:44

I would be booking myself into a hotel for a few nights recuperation and let him sweat the childcare / being a FATHER and supportive husband. Don't tell him where you are but assure him you'll be back when he's ready to grow up and support his wife through what is a very important procedure.

I'm sorry, but he sounds incredibly selfish. I hope you figure this out.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/08/2014 20:47

I've had lots of gynae surgery, minor and major.

I would be fucking furious if my dh had treated me this way.

He's been an arse towards you, I'm surprised he's such a twat when you've had surgery.

Original poster
browneyedgirl1 · 09/08/2014 20:47

No blood test. That must be someone else.
This is the 1st time he has been this monumentally selfish but I do think sometimes he doez put himself 1st. Eg not wanting to be disturbed when ds woke in night etc.

OP posts:
ShadowStar · 09/08/2014 20:48

YANBU.

Sounds like he's prioritizing having fun over your health.

I suppose it might be possible that his work wouldn't let him swop the planned day off if there were too many others with leave already planned for the day of your operation - but I guess if this was so he'd have mentioned it...

cherryhealey · 09/08/2014 20:50

Get yourself a handbag/expensive moisturiser/shiney item on credit card.

Men are selfish they just don't see it.

Mine once left me with a sick baby mastitis and visitors to go shooting.

So you are not being unreasonable but it is really not worth a protracted battle because he will never see it from your point.

(Happily married for 23 years -fab handbag collection) Smile

CombineBananaFister · 09/08/2014 20:50

Utterly selfish - did he realize what the procedure involved?

Get him to swap that bloody day so you can have a rain check R and R - idiot! Am hoping it's ignorance NOT selfishness, for you. Thanks

GhettoFabulous · 10/08/2014 00:01

Cherryhealey, maybe your husband is selfish and can't see things from your point of view, but not all men are like that. My partner wouldn't behave like that, and I'd never tit for tat by buying something on his credit.

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 10/08/2014 00:11

You now know exactly where you come in your husband's list of priorities.

Last

MinibirdYay · 10/08/2014 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cherryhealey · 10/08/2014 09:06

Good for you Ghetto!

Our credit card by the way.

freyaW2014 · 10/08/2014 09:09

Yunbu

freyaW2014 · 10/08/2014 09:10

Yunbu