Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to be livid with (d) h

39 replies

browneyedgirl1 · 09/08/2014 19:48

So on Monday I had a hysteroscopy. I have a 7 year old and an almost 3 year old so asked dh to take the day off to support me with procedure and dc. He said he couldn't spare the leave but would work from home. So he was able to take me but I still had to deal with dc etc. Fortunately I felt ok.
However, I have now discovered that he has booked a days holiday to go to an non work related exhibition in a few weeks.
Aibu to think this is bang out of order.
His excuse was that the exhibition was planned before.
Aibu to let rip about this.

OP posts:

ChasedByBees · 10/08/2014 20:11

That is bloody awful. Did you raise it?

FengMa · 10/08/2014 20:25

I would actually shoot right through roof. What. A. Cock.

gimcrack · 10/08/2014 21:28

Surely he could have taken carer's leave?

greenfolder · 10/08/2014 22:04

my dh is self employed, never been known to have a day off for sickness ever. he took the time off to take me for my hysteroscopy and wait and bring me back and make a low level type fuss.

your dh is a twunt

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 10/08/2014 22:21

Sorry to go against the tide here, but when I had GP or hospital appointments when dc were small I didn't ask dh to take time off work unless there was no alternative. My friends and I used to look after each other's dc to cover situations like this.

I think it depends on what your usual childcare arrangements are, and where your dh works etc. When our dc were small, dh worked over an hour away and so would have had to take at least a morning or afternoon off to cover whilst I went to a medical or dental apppointment. That always seemed a complete waste of time to me, hence arrangements with friends. Also, I worked pt and very flexibly, so could work around medical appointments.

Having said that, if I'd asked dh to take a day's leave to look after the dc, he would have done so.

lurkingaround · 10/08/2014 23:36

I think a hysteroscopy is a bit different to a regular GP or hosp appt UsedToBeAPaxmanFan.

Original poster

browneyedgirl1 · 12/08/2014 10:00

Well he claimed he didn't think there was any point wasting a days holiday for a hospital appointment. He just didn't get that it wasn't just a regular appointment. I told him I felt very low down in his list of priorities.
Although his mum is ill at the moment and he is working from home to support her too so maybe he thinks that is enough.
I only really have one friend who could have dc but she wasn't free. What family I have left are not particularly local and of course I cannot use mil.
Think it's more about emotional support and being given time to recuperate.
Well he did apologise but actions speak louder than words.

OP posts:

Original poster

browneyedgirl1 · 12/08/2014 10:03

Usual childcare arrangements are me.

OP posts:

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 13/08/2014 05:11

Sorry, I'm still struggling to see why you are so upset with your dh.
You had a hospital appointment, you needed someone to look after your dc, and your dh said he'd work from home so you could go to your appointment. Surely that was a good outcome all round? Why did you then want him to take a day's leave? If you live within 30 minutes or so of the hospital, you'd be gone for about 2 hours at most.

The most recent hysteroscopy I had was scheduled for late morning. I took an earlier-than-usual and longer-than-usual lunch break, and was only gone from the office for about 90 minutes. I would have been really annoyed if I'd have had to take a day's leave for that.

Original poster

browneyedgirl1 · 13/08/2014 16:46

There were two reasons really. One was needed some emotional support in case of bad news. Also I had been told that I may need a ga if they needed to remove fibroids.

OP posts:

Original poster

browneyedgirl1 · 13/08/2014 16:48

There were two reasons really. One was needed some emotional support in case of bad news. Also I had been told that I may need a ga if they needed to remove fibroids.

OP posts:

LineRunner · 13/08/2014 16:52

I needed a general anaesthetic for this procedure. I was there for eight hours and they required consent forms, next of kin details and my dp to pick me up; plus 36 hours off work after.

But we knew all this in advance.

8angle · 13/08/2014 17:14

At the end of the day it doesn't matter why you needed him to take the day off, just that you wanted him to and you asked him to and he decided his holiday was better spent going to an exhibition....
Either he didn't realise the seriousness of the situation and the concern you had, or he was just being selfish, only you know the answer to this.
You spoke to him and he apologised, but as you said "actions speak louder than words...." doesn't seem like you are convinced?

Gen35 · 13/08/2014 17:21

I'd be absolutely furious. I think you have every right to be very upset and he should parlay that day's leave into something you can do as a family or just the two of you to make it up to you. I know very many very busy people and they wouldn't treat their oh's like this. You needed him, doesn't sound like you ask for much, he let you down badly.

Flip

1 2