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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell DD,9, that Santa does exist.

65 replies

Teddybeau1988 · 09/08/2014 16:50

Suddenly out of nowhere, like they do, DD asked me today if Santa really exists. She told me last Christmas she saw a bit of a TV programme where someone said ' it's worse than telling kids that Santas fake' , or words to that effect. DS then decided to projectile vomit his milk everywhere so I didn't respond. She's been sat on this for awhile, but only asked about it now.

I feel a bit sad. Like the magic of Christmas is going to be gone. We usually get really into the whole Santa thing. Letters, elf on the shelf, making mince pies for him ect.

She's nearly 9 and very bright so I'm surprised she hasn't questioned it before really.

Would I be mean to try to convince her she misheard the TV or that the person was incorrect?

OP posts:

soverylucky · 09/08/2014 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morethanpotatoprints · 09/08/2014 16:55

No YANBU

I'd say the person was saying it would be awful to tell a child this etc.
I told dd this year she is 10, this is because her peers are usually a lot older than her and I didn't want them to laugh at her. If she was with people her own age I would keep it going.
My own opinion is not to let them go to high school believing, but its only my opinion.
Our ds2 now grown up still tells us he wishes we had kept it going he too heard something at age 9, but we didn't convince him otherwise.

JenniferJo · 09/08/2014 16:56

If she's asking she deserves to be told the truth. She'll be teased unmercifully at school if she says she believes.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/08/2014 16:58

If she asks you straight out just say 'what do you think?' with a wink and a smile. She's 9, I'm surprised she's lasted this long!

flyingtrue · 09/08/2014 16:58

I think ywbu to lie to her and doing it more for yourself. If she's old enough to cotton on and ask then she's old enough to be told the truth. And if you did lie to her, she's not going to be impressed when she finds out you did.

You can still do mince pies and fun with her at Christmas but realizations are a part of growing up, and as you said you are surprised it's not come before so you've had a long time of it. Just make some new traditions.

flyingtrue · 09/08/2014 17:00

That's not to say you can't ask her what she believes and wants to o, she may even tell you she wants to believe for a while longer. Just don't try to convince her someone else is lying because she will be confused when she finds out you were.

mommy2ash · 09/08/2014 17:00

I would ask her what she thinks I wouldn't lie. my dd is seven but still thinks the characters In Disneyland are real the girls in her class laugh and say they aren't and one year she said she saw a zip on tigger and I tried to block her view when when bumped into two of the same character right after each other.after a few weeks back at home she came to me crying and wanting to know the truth. I told her it's real if you want to believe it's real but it's up to the person. she said she still wanted to believe and I left it at that. I think she really does know but likes to hold onto the magic a bit.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 09/08/2014 17:04

Tell her it doesn't matter either way. Christmas is all about the magic.usually kids know years before they ask parents as they enjoy the magic too.

Get this my very grown up dd (15) hS started to watch that mermaid Australian programme and told me that her gap year wil be in Oz so she can find they magic pool Smd become a mermaid.

I think she was only half joking

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/08/2014 17:07

I'm 43, have never believed in FC and all my Christmases are magical btw. Christmas doesn't suddenly get shit the minute you realise that a fat guy doesn't actually deliver your presents! Christmas isn't about who delivers the presents in our house.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/08/2014 17:08

Oh and we all have stockings, even my mum and Dad!

DurhamDurham · 09/08/2014 17:09

Once they get I that age and ask they already know the answer and are just looking for conversation from you. It's not like telling a 5 year old which would be mean.

Christmas foes change once your children don't believe in Father Christmas but it still special. My girls are grown up now and we all still love Christmas. Although I'd hate it to happen more than once a year

freyaW2014 · 09/08/2014 17:10

I don't see any reason to ever tell a child Santa is not real. Santa is real, he's real to children just like dolls and Teddy's are real! If she's asking that means she's unsure, why take the magic away? If a child is teased for believing something like Santa then let the realisation come from that rather than you! I'm not going to be my kids party pooper just in case someone else does! I'm not sure they get teased anyway, kids in secondary school prob wouldn't admit to believing in Santa whether they do or not. My mum never told me and realisation came slowly over time. The crucial thing actually is kids WANT to believe long after they really do!

ICanSeeTheSun · 09/08/2014 17:11

When DC asks I will tell them the truth, hopefully not this year as I'm doing elf on a shelf for the first time.

2old2beamum · 09/08/2014 17:25

warning when DD was 8 (she has Down Syndrome) I felt it was my duty as a responsible mother to tell her about the Santa Claus myth and it was Dad who came in and left presents, but told her it was a big secret and she was not to tell the little children at school.

Move forward to Easter DH picking her up from school and she dangled on his arm and said "Dad we have a big secret haven't we?" in front of many parents. DH uncomfortably replies "Have we?"

DD replies in loud voice "yes Dad its you who comes in my bedroom at night"

DH sweating profusely "DO I?"
"yes and you leave us presents at Christmas not Father Christmas!"

morethanpotatoprints · 09/08/2014 17:32

I don't know how anybody could tell the OP that her dc would be teased at school at ( or 10 years old for believing. My dds friends of 10, still all believe.
Also, how does anybody know that her dc would never forgive her for lying. When I asked my ds2 he said he would have preferred me to carry it on because all his friends still believed and he felt left out.
OP, I don't think there's a right or wrong time tbh and it depends on you and your childs personality.

micah · 09/08/2014 17:36

"Just because you know how it's done, doesn't mean it's not magic"

ChoosandChipsandSealingWax · 09/08/2014 17:41

Ditto wondering what to do about this one. DD still believes; but mainly because for the last two years she has asked me if it's true in front of her brother, on Christmas Eve and I just had to lie at the time as he was too young for the spoiler, and I have wimped out of telling her at a later date.

I'd definitely figured it out by her age but because I lied to her she's absolutely adamant to all her friends that he exists "because Mummy wouldn't lie to me."

freyaW2014 · 09/08/2014 17:44

You're not lying to her Santa is real and very much alive in the minds of all young children! No child ever looks back and resents this 'lie' they will happy you kept their childhood magic x

MrsChickPea · 09/08/2014 17:44

Father Christmas is real. So is the Tooth Fairy and the Birthday Fairy. They will always be real. Ohh... not forgetting the Easter Bunny. Life is much more fun this way!

LEMmingaround · 09/08/2014 17:46

My dd is 9 and no where near ready for the cold hard reality of Christmas yet. Fuck, she still believes her cuddly toy is real because he fell off the bed one night

queenofthemountain · 09/08/2014 17:52

When people talk about their children of 9* and 10 still believing Father Christmas is real, I wonder who is kidding who.
If Your child is this age and truly still believes, it is only because they believe that you would never lie to them and you are betraying that trust.

specialsubject · 09/08/2014 18:10

as someone mentions, you are setting her up for some serious teasing at school.

the time has come to break it gently - that Santa is a great fun idea but that's all. BUT doesn't mean you can't still pretend as you always have.

Notso · 09/08/2014 18:18

I've always done FC with a nod and a wink anyway. Most questions have been fielded with either "what do you think?" or "If you want him to come he will"

morethanpotatoprints · 09/08/2014 18:23

When children of 9 and 10 still believe in FC, why would they be teased by their peers who likewise still believe.
Far too many generalisations here.
Just because you spoilt the fun for your dc doesn't mean others should.
We all justify our own actions to ourselves and others but it doesn't make us right.
As another poster said I too have never heard of dc being teased for believing in FC and so what if some do, you can't wrap them up and protect them all their lives.
They find out for themselves eventually and when they ask its up to the individual if they tell them or not, it doesn't really matter.

nooka · 09/08/2014 18:24

We've never done Santa because it wasn't part of my family tradition and I'm not sure I like to very much either. However I can see that it's fun for other families and my children were always instructed to humour other children's beliefs. They did think it was pretty odd that some of their peers went on saying they believed past 10 or so.

I don't recall Father Christmas being such a big thing when I was growing up. I knew families that did letters, left out a cookie and had stockings but that's about it. Now I have friends who do the whole NORAD (think that's right) stuff and really make out that Santa is real real, as opposed to a fun idea and I think that's a bit odd. How is it magic if it's not pretend?

Anyway OP I'd go for the 'what do you think' line and see how she responds, if it's important to her she will say so. If she's ready to transition to it's a fun thing we do together she might really enjoy playing along for her younger siblings, and that way you get to share the pretending fun with her.

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