To tell DD,9, that Santa does exist.

[Teddybeau1988]

Suddenly out of nowhere, like they do, DD asked me today if Santa really exists. She told me last Christmas she saw a bit of a TV programme where someone said ' it's worse than telling kids that Santas fake' , or words to that effect. DS then decided to projectile vomit his milk everywhere so I didn't respond. She's been sat on this for awhile, but only asked about it now.

I feel a bit sad. Like the magic of Christmas is going to be gone. We usually get really into the whole Santa thing. Letters, elf on the shelf, making mince pies for him ect.

She's nearly 9 and very bright so I'm surprised she hasn't questioned it before really.

Would I be mean to try to convince her she misheard the TV or that the person was incorrect?

I'm more surprised at 9 she still believes it's true. You're doing her no favours by leading her on, imagine her going to school and being laughed at. Most kids figure this out pretty young in any case.

I think people are missing the point, all this talk of teasing..it will be your dc's doing the teasing anyway since you have told them Santa isn't real!
queenofthemountin bit harsh about parents lying to them. Children of 9 and 10 may not believe, I think my 10 year old has serious doubts but still wants to believe. It's not lying it's allowing the magic to continue as long as possible!

Whatever age they are, if they ask, then tell them.

Pretty awful that when they start exercising critical thinking, you lie to them.

I'm in a really unusual position where dd1 is 11 and believes in SC while dd2 age 7 is asking questions. I once told dd1 that SC might not come once she's a teenager and she cried

Dd1 knows that fairies, witches, monsters aren't real and she is 4. I made sure to tell her this as I was really scared by this kinda stuff as a kid. I suspect she is dubious about Santa as she asked why he looked different each time she saw him last Xmas and why at one point there were several Santas at once. I feel I should tell her the truth I think. The only reason I don't is because she will tell other kids.

I think lying is a strong word to use when talking of Santa, kids aren't daft, my mum made me laugh when she made stuff up that I knew wasn't real, It wasn't for my mum to take the magic away. A slow realisation is surely better. Kids know when they're older they just like to pretend too!

"No child ever looks back and resents this 'lie' " Er... yes they do.

As a previous poster said "...because I lied to her she's absolutely adamant to all her friends that he exists "because Mummy wouldn't lie to me."

If they ask a direct question, they deserve a direct answer imo.

Whenever DS asks me if Santa is real I say 'what do you think?' And at the moment it's always on the side of real! But he's not quite 6 yet so very young. I have to say at nearly 9 I would definitely let her slide into scepticism if that's the way she's heading, don't go overboard trying to convince her he is real.

I would just say 'what do you think?'- take the lead from that.

I asked why it was that Santa brought better stuff to the rich kids. That's when my parents told me the truth.

I've bookmarked this letter for when it's 'time' to tell DC. Although, in our house, Santa is only a small part of Christmas. We celebrate the whole of advent with lots of fun and special things so I don't fear that 'the magic will go' when they do find out...

Dear Lucy,

Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”

I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.

The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.

I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)

I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.

This won’t make you Santa, though.

Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.

It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.

Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.

With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.

So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.

I love you and I always will.

Mama

I tell my children that something can come from nothing. That they can believe in whatever they want to believe in and that's enough to make it real. Because it is. My eldest probably knows that Santa isn't actually real but she chooses to keep believing in Christmas with a Santa. I'm okay with that. The concept came from Saint Nicholas so once upon a time there was a Santa. I see nothing wrong in a belief of what Santa represents.

I remember my niece at 9 telling me she hadn't believed for a year but didn't want to let on to her parents as she thought she'd get fewer presents.

Mind you my sister knew before she was 4.

bigfoot I didn't say she held it against me though, she doesn't know yet but I'm planning on telling her soon.

I hope/don't think she will hold it against me though, as she will absolutely understand that a) I couldn't tell her little brother, on Christmas Eve b) I didn't actually say Santa was real, but that St Nicolas had been a real person (bit of a fudge,that, I know but was on back foot); c) I hope she will respect that I have always been honest about other questions; and I would have been this time too, if she hasn't asked in front of him.

It definitely has got to be more of a tradition in this generation - I wonder why? Probably some really interesting sociological reason!

My mother went through the motions of father Christmas and definitely thought it was fine for other children to believe, but was always rather sneering about me being childish - so I grew up being very wary about not seeming too naive. I remember when I stopped believing as it was one of those things you can look back and date, and I was four.

Four and already considered too old for such childish rubbish. Yet she made me pretend to everyone outside the family that the world was still full of wonder just as she got some weird kick out of destroying it at home (it wasn't just Father Christmas but pretty much everything in life).

I heartily resent my mother for denying me childhood magic and wonder, i look at my son now, whos 4yrs old, and i wonder why anyone would deliberately want to take away that innocence and delight.

Ds and me just had a very serious conversation as we've moved house to one without a fireplace, and he was very worried that FC couldn't get into our flat anymore. His lip was wobbling and looked at me with horror and scorn when i suggested santa could always use the door... So I reassured him that every house in all the land has a special entrance that father Christmas can use, and we hunted together until we 'found' it.

There are some filled in dumb waiters for each flat and they are the perfect magical entrance (phew!). you can tap on them and they sound hollow, and have a border around them, but magically no handle or lock that we can use :)

Anyway, I do believe in keeping the magic going, and as they grow up just being a bit evasive or twinkly eyed about it.

I do think that I'll step up the hints that he's not quite literally true, if he gets to double figures and still absolutely believes though, to make sure all the magic of Christmas isn't hooked on one pudgy man in a suit... And to soften the blow in case a classmate tries to tell everyone. I wouldnt want him to resent me or look back on me in the same way as I view my mother (though I hope I'm not an abusive warped and disturbed woman like she was/ is!).

I think it would be cruel to leave a child in blissful ignorance at secondary school, without any way of dealing with having the wool pulled from their eyes by merciless school mates.

Hang on a minute....Santa isn't real?!?

My DS is about to turn 10 and knows for sure (has heard at school), but had been pestering me about it for a couple of years. I still haven't confirmed that it's me, but have made it pretty obvious that he is right. But I just say (with a wink) that Father Christmas only comes to children who believe in him - so watch what you say!!! That tends to shut him up. Also he has a 7 year old sister and I don't want it ruined for her just yet.

Ì believed until I was 11, it didn't do me any psychological harm. I don't remember being teased about it either; someone once told me Santa didn't exist when I was about 9, and I turned around and said 'The only reason your parents get your presents, is because you're not good enough for Santa to bring them for you'

Sorry Choosandchips, I didn't mean to imply she would resent you personally, just that that was a reason a child might.

I resent my parents for lying to me about Santa. But that's possibly more about the way Santa was used as a form of discipline when I was growing up. "Santa will cross a present off your list if you don't do xyz" - basically your value/"goodness" as a child being weighed and judged in how many presents you got. Hated it. Oh yeah, and that the rich kids got more stuff so were obviously "better" than me. Not good for the self-esteem when you're being bullied by those kids too - why does Santa like them better than me? And don't get me started on the creepy "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake". Ick.

Children need their innocence and sense of wonder for as long as they can. I still believed in santa till I was 13. I found out when I saw my mum putting my presents in my stocking. If I hadn't seem my mum acting as father christmas I probably would have still believed in him now
I even had an argument with a boy in my class that he was real when I was 11.
However I had the same experience as you my D.D also aged nine said to me out of the blue one day "Mummy, is father christmas real, and I said well do you think and she said. He isn't and that was it.

Well, I think if they still believe in Santa/FC when they are old enough to vote, someone needs to tell them the truth.

Funny, because my ds (nearly 7) asked me outright the other day if Santa was real, he was looking right in my eyes,I couldn't lie to his face!

He wasn't bothered,I think he knew,I did ask him not to tell his sister though (3)

I once started a similar thread about my niece who was 11 and was completely surprised by the amount of respondents saying their children are 9/10/11/12 who still believe in Santa. OP I think you should tell her the truth seeing as she's asked and doesn't seem particularly traumatised by the thought

I still haven't told my 15 year old he isn't real.

He knows he isn't and laughs at me when I refuse to say it out loud.

No child in high school is going to admit to believing in him. They know most of their friends don't and it would not be cool to say you believe even if they do so I have never had any fears of bullying.

My 13 year old doesn't believe in him but my 11 year old still does. Again, he would never admit this to friends. I think he is at the stage where he does really know but doesn't really want to admit it to himself just yet.

I didn't tell my children when they first asked, the youngest was 8 by then. I know the older one knew at that time but as he hadn't brought it up, I hadn't either.

I tried to keep it going at first but dc2 is quite into science and how things work so was asking too many questions that I couldn't answer without lying extensively and feeling like a fraud. I find it hard to believe that otherwise sensible children can genuinely still believe by the time they're 10/11.

My dc both seemed to enjoy being in the know about Santa, and they took their responsibility to play along for the younger ones around them very seriously! They are teenagers now and we still follow the same Father Christmas routines that we always did when they were little (apart from going in for the visit at the garden centre) and it's still a lot of fun. The magic isn't the same but there's always going to be something special about Christmas.

It would be incredibly shit if the only way we could all enjoy a lovely family Christmas was if they still believed in FC.