Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that getting your child to phone and invite themselves to a party is wrong

80 replies

Sibble · 09/08/2014 06:19

Ds2 is having his birthday party tomorrow (turning 10). We're having it at home and have hired a laser skirmish party. There was a limit (due to cost and not wanting masses of boys running wild at home) to the number of friends that he could invite. In total he could choose 9. Including him that makes 10. Last night a boy he was friends with last year but is in a different class and he hasn't talked about much this year phones me and urged on by his mother in the background asks can he come to dss party. He's very surprised he hasn't been invited as they are very good friends. He then proceeds to tell me he knows about the party as he has heard about it from another boy who is going. He's doing a sleepover at the other boys house tonight and he can come with him.

I was so taken aback I said he could come. Now I'm angry with myself (but how do you say no to a child) and furious with the mother for not only letting him phone but positively encouraging him in the background 'just ask if you can go and why you havn't been invited'.

Am I being unreasonable or is this just plain rude. Also not sure what I am going to say when he's picked up tomorrow because I am so angry, I think it will be written all over my face.

OP posts:
blanklook · 09/08/2014 16:28

I'd have said sorry, no, the event is for a total of 10 people and all the places are taken.

Now your son has a guest he doesn't want and a parent taking part in his Birthday game when it was only supposed to be your son's friends only on both teams. Come on!

It's not too late, ring the boy's mother and cancel him coming. Tell her the event organisers messed up.

LEMmingaround · 09/08/2014 16:46

Be Interested to see if he comes armed with a present!

TheFirmament · 09/08/2014 16:57

OMG how RUDE! Friendships come and go and it's totally normal for a 10yo to simply invite the people he sees most at the moment, not to have to be guilted into thinking about the needs of an ex-friend.

I still feel bad about someone I managed not to invite to one of DD's parties (through my own disorganisation and forgetfulness) but they never came begging!

I'd let him come now just because I wouldn't want to upset him even more, but I would want to say something to her. Like "I'm sorry he wasn't invited but we had limited numbers and I let DS choose. You put me in a very awkward position" But I probably wouldn't have the guts.

Cocolepew · 09/08/2014 17:02

If I had heard the mum in the background I would have asked to speak to her and told her no. Cheeky cow.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/08/2014 17:04

If you don't want to ring her and tell her to feck off that her son can't come to the party, and you don't appreciate being railroaded in that fashion, I am sure one of us will do it for you.

Another job for the MN Hit squad that I haven't got round to founding yet.

Teddybeau1988 · 09/08/2014 18:25

I would take a wimps way out, tell the mother the laser people cannot provide the guns for extra people at short notice. then I would join in with DH

SuperScrimper · 09/08/2014 18:31

I would absolutely ring back and say you'd asked the organiser but no can do.

What sort of a parent puts their child in that position Shock

Username12345 · 09/08/2014 18:35

Sibble Ring the mother back and say, you've looked at the numbers and it's not possible to add another child.

Don't let yourself be pushed into it. Makes you look like a soft touch and sets a precedent.

GalaxyInMyPants · 09/08/2014 18:39

I'd have said no.

This is unbelievably rude of the mother. ,can't blame the kid when he's been egged on.

Viviennemary · 09/08/2014 18:43

They had a cheek and you got caught out. But it can be hurtful to a child if they think they are best friends with someone and then they're not invited to a party and other people are. But it's still no excuse to ring up and ask for an invitation.

Vinomum · 09/08/2014 18:56

Like you I would have let him come as I'd hate to think of a child being upset. But I think the mother went about it all the wrong way and isn't teaching her DS any good life lessons. He wasn't invited, this will happen at school all the time and will continue into adulthood. He needs to learn to deal with it appropriately. Perhaps a better course of action would have been to let it go and maybe invite your DS over to his house if he's keen to re-establish the friendship.

I'd make it clear to the mother that you didn't appreciate being put in that position. She's doing her son no favours whatsoever.

Marmiteandjamislush · 09/08/2014 19:41

I would have said something along the lines of: 'Can I speak to your [whatever phrase you use for someone else's mother] please?' and not engaged with the child at all. I would have then given the mother a stern talking to. My guess is it's a childcare issue, don't fall into the trap OP.

Original poster
Sibble · 09/08/2014 21:08

Ds di have a hard choice choosing who to invite (he's chosen boys from his rugby team (he's known most since he was 4), a boy he's known since birth, 2 boys from school (1 an old friend and 1 a boy who only started last term who's new to the area). There were alot of others on his list including girls but not this boy. Friends change rapidly at 10 especially when you do out of school activities as well. I only questioned 1 choice on the list - the son of a friend of mine who he's known since he was 2, he said no I don't hang out with him - I said fair enough and said to my friend - we have a limit on numbers this year so X isn't on the invite list, how about we get the boys together for the movies for dss birthday. Sorted. Just the phone call caught me off guard, didn't want to upset the boys - anyway it's done, lesson learned I will be more assertive next time.

I said the ds afterwards - X has invited himself to your party, he's coming is that OK. He laughed and said that's cheeky yeh that's cool and carried on playing playstation. Hardly a whoop, hey great.

Thanks all, at least I know my immediate cheeky cow reaction wasn't unwarranted. I also know I'm a soft touch who needs to harden up Grin

OP posts:
Glastogirl · 09/08/2014 21:13

As harsh as it sounds I would not give him a party bag or anything and make it very clear to the mother that you only bought party bags for the children your DS chose to invite! Hope she gets the message!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 09/08/2014 21:18

How odd of the mother. My DC are tiny so no experience of this. I like to think that I would briskly, but firmly, have taken the phone as asked the boy if I could have spoken to his mother. Then explained that there must be some mistake....surely....I had thought that her son was asking to be invited. However, in any event, that won't be possible. Thank you very much

In a likelihood, I will probably end up inviting rude boy and seething on here

MortaIWombat · 12/08/2014 23:19

How did the party go, Sibble?

Thumbwitch · 13/08/2014 03:01

People are cheeky where parties are involved. For DS1's 6th birthday, we had a pool party but I specified very clearly on the invitation that no over-7s were to come along as it would change the dynamic of the party and could be dangerous for the little ones that would be there. (I also asked for at least one parent to come with their children too, as it would be too difficult for DH and I to safely keep an eye on all the children).

3 older girls, 9 or 10, came along. Sisters of the children invited. In both families involved, both parents came too - so one could have stayed behind with the girls, but no! Luckily they weren't too bad, although one mum did tell me that they'd pushed her 5yo DD off a lilo so they could all play on it Angry

They didn't get party bags as they weren't supposed to be there - but that was an "on the day" thing, I didn't know they were coming ahead of time.

dustarr73 · 13/08/2014 21:37

So op any updater.How did the party go.

NothingMoreScaryThanAHairyMary · 13/08/2014 21:52

Is it only me that thinks the boys mother gas plans and wants to palm him off? Especially if he us going to a sleepover that night...

sezamcgregor · 13/08/2014 23:23

I thought the exact friend!

Sounds like the friend's mum has said we can have DS but only if you're back early as we have Sibble's DS's party tomorrow.

I would have called the mother back and explained that I don't like to be put in that position and that she owes me £x and to never do it again.

ADHDNoodles · 14/08/2014 02:28

I can talk big all I want. I'm not sure I'd be able to say no to a child on the phone. I'd probably tell him I'd check and call him back, then speak to the mom. Really, the mom isn't doing him any favors teaching him it's ok to invite himself like that.

One day he's going to be an adult and it's not going to be so cute anymore.

So, how did the party go?

MissDuke · 14/08/2014 06:25

Hope the party went ok and that the child felt included. Wasn't really his fault, I guess he knows no better with a parent that cheeky!

saintlyjimjams · 14/08/2014 06:54

Yes - what happened?

Scunthyplombin · 14/08/2014 07:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrankelandFilly · 14/08/2014 07:16
Swipe left for the next trending thread