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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my MIL is being ridiculous ?

44 replies

Bookmonster345 · 08/08/2014 14:04

My Inlaws have just looked after my children for three days, as they requested for them to come and stay. On return my children promptly told me that my MIL had been incredibly annoying for the whole time they were there. For example, she demanded that DD1 (12) folded up her nightdress more neatly, before promptly telling DD2 (10) not to worry about folding hers up, as she would do it for her. Furthermore, when DD1 realised she hadn't packed her chargers, even though she was sure she did, my MIL said "That's the problem with being so sure of yourself, young lady!". I don't know anyone who is more convinced that they are right than MIL. In addition, she praised DD2 for the tiniest thing, such as doing up her seat belt in the car, and didn't praise DD1 for a single thing. As well as this, she gave DD2 a cuddle, but didn't give DD1 a hug as apparently she is "too big for hugs". The final straw came when she asked DD1 " have you checked everywhere to see if you've left nothing behind?" DD1 replied "yes, I think so," to which my MIL replied "are you sure you've checked everywhere?" This went on for five minutes before my MIL told her to check the bathroom, where DD1 had left her soap. AIBU to think this is a tad ridiculous?

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 08/08/2014 14:07

Did the children have a good time apart from that? And are you taking as gospel everything told you by 10 and 12 year olds?

Mrsgrumble · 08/08/2014 14:08

She is showing more affection to the youngest. No, it's odd.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/08/2014 14:08

It doesn't sound like a massive deal, sorry. Although she is probably babying dd2 a bit, but the other stuff, well she did forget her chargers and her soap didn't she?

murphys · 08/08/2014 14:09

And the other side of the story.... from your mil?

puntasticusername · 08/08/2014 14:09

Does your MIL have form for preferring DD2 over DD1?

Forgettable · 08/08/2014 14:10

Wrt soap, setting up a child to fail is pretty spiteful

TheCowThatLaughs · 08/08/2014 14:11

She does sound a bit annoying. They need to cultivate a water off a ducks back kind of attitude. Will be interesting if she starts behaving in the same way to the younger dd in a couple of years.

Thumbwitch · 08/08/2014 14:12

So she doesn't like your DD1 then, does she. That's unpleasant.

Mrsgrumble · 08/08/2014 14:12

I think if you comfront her, she will deny everything and say she is only toughening dd1 up for her own good

I think she is old enough I know that mil was being a but cruel

SixImpossible · 08/08/2014 14:13

I agree, your MIL is being ridiculous. Is this a sudden change, or has she always treated them differently?

My dgm always babied us, even as adults, and I had the shock of my life when she suddenly stopped babying me at 23. She didn't get unpleasant about it, though. It seems like your MIL is emphasising the age difference between the girls, but in a rather negative way.

Hakluyt · 08/08/2014 14:14

As usual. MIL instantly spiteful and unpleasant. On the word of 10 and 12 year olds.

Hakluyt · 08/08/2014 14:14

And cruel. Bloody hell!

sebsmummy1 · 08/08/2014 14:15

We'll if that is all true then that's the last time they go and stay with her I assume?

Hakluyt · 08/08/2014 14:23

"We'll if that is all true then that's the last time they go and stay with her I assume?"

Really? You'd stop them going to stay forthat???????

PlumpPartridge · 08/08/2014 14:26

Hakluyt, you do sound like you're over-reacting a tad.

If all the reported facts from the op are entirely true, your MIL doesn't appear to like DD2 that much.

Maybe try suggesting individual visits from the girls next time - if MIL reacts with delight at the mention of DD2 visiting but is a bit more Hmm at DD1 then you'll know it's not just a biased report from your girls.

Are the girls in agreement on reported events, btw?

PlumpPartridge · 08/08/2014 14:28

Your MIL doesn't like DD1 that much, sorry Blush

gingercat2 · 08/08/2014 14:29

It does sound like she wasn't being overly nice to DD1, I feel a bit sorry for your daughters.

CaptChaos · 08/08/2014 14:29

Sounds like my mother. Has to play favourites.

Which is why the boys stopped going to stay with her.

SputnikSausage · 08/08/2014 14:31

I doubt she means any harm but she sounds really annoying and tiresome. It won't be long before DD1's going to refuse to go there again anyway.

AMumInScotland · 08/08/2014 14:32

Well, it depends if your MIL has a long history of treating people very differently for no good reason.

From just what you've posted here, I think she is going out of her way to treat DD1 as being older than she is - posibly to counter a worry that she might 'baby' her grandchildren more than she should. I worry when I see my niece and nephew that I'll either treat them too young, or too old, and there's only 8 years between the older and my DS so I'm not that out of pratice.

Maybe DH could have a polite word that treating them more the same would actually be preferable?

kentishgirl · 08/08/2014 14:37

Has she been ok with DD1 in the past - giving hugs and praise etc.

If so, I think she's just made a mental division between them about her expectations on behaviour. There is quite a big development gap between 10 and 12 years old. 10 years old, still a kid, still at primary school, not really that independent yet. 12 years old, nearly a teenager, at secondary school, probably more independent (or should be). Don't assume it's nastiness if she has no record of it - she's just started treating DD2 as an older child.

The soap thing is exactly how I tackle forgetful children old enough to start sorting themselves out. Letting them leave something behind would be mean, trying to prompt them into thinking carefully about whether they've packed up fully isn't. When the prompts didn't work, she told DD2 where to go look for her stuff.

Hakluyt · 08/08/2014 14:38

"Hakluyt, you do sound like you're over-reacting a tad."

I think the people who have decided that this woman is cruel,spiteful and unpleasant based on the OP are the ones over reacting!

PlumpPartridge · 08/08/2014 14:46

Three individuals used three different terms - it's not like the MIL was referred to as a cruel, spiteful, unpleasant woman (which would be rather vitriolic). Should individual posters perhaps consult each other before using a single emotive word in future, for fear that they may later be merged?

Also, why have you left out the word 'annoying'? That got used too.

Original poster
Bookmonster345 · 08/08/2014 14:49

I appreciate that she shouldn't have left her charger at home, but, according to DD, if her grandparents hadn't been rushing her she would have had time to do a last check to make sure sh had everything. I don't think that DDs are over reacting, as I have witnessed her behaving like this towards DD1 before, and I don't mind that she asked DD1 if she had remembered everything, but DD1 had a good hunt around the house while my MIL was questioning her. I witnessed this, and she was quite aggressive towards DD1, she wasn't printing her , she was shouting at her. My MIL has always treated DD1 differently to DD2, and therefore DD1 does feel that she isn't liked as much as her sister.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bookmonster345 · 08/08/2014 14:49

Oops, not printing, prompting

OP posts:
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