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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to expect out-of-work DH to be pulling his weight while I get over surgery?

88 replies

WotchOotErAPolis · 07/08/2014 18:38

Wow - can't believe how much has 'not' happened since I posted about DHs behaviour on another thread!!

DH was made redundant on April 1st and is still oow now. In the last 3 years he's been oow for nearly 2 years so our finances are precarious.

I am on sick leave with no pay, having just had surgery to remove a badly ruptured breast implant [originally done when I has a mastectomy 10 years ago due to advanced cancer] which it turned out had become infected. I now have a very deformed left side as they couldn't replace it, so I've effectively had a mastectomy all over again.

Ten days later he's dropping hints about sex - including the line 'as long as you put a babydoll over the top half so I don't see'.

I'm still getting very tired when out walking, having been very fit prior to surgery. We spent yesterday outside a cafe with him making comments about the teen with the neat ar$e and too tight shorts, whilst I got my breath back! Nice?!

On top of that he still hasn't found a job [this bit he really is trying to fix] but is supposedly doing some work for which he will get paid once he completes the work and invoices. He has done nothing at all today, apart from sit on the sofa doing sudokus on his phone. In the meantime, there is now a huge pile of unwashed laundry on his side of the bedroom; the kitchen table was left uncleared last night so I woke up to it; the grass is overgrown and there are now trees in my garden borders where there weren't any a couple of months ago; the hedges are overgrown too. The dog is not being walked and the ironing [though I did get it up to date over the weekend] is piling up again - with the odd comment of "I haven't got any t-shirts".

We ran a music school session in our house the day after I came out of hospital and he ended up taking me into town to fetch a microphone for the singer. He and the boys [I have 3 DSs aged 16,15,11 who to be fair do their share of the housework, usually after hours of me nagging which is tiring in itself] had spent the morning re-organising the furniture to prepare the room for the session, with the comment "we might as well sweep under the sofas seeing as it hasn't been done for twenty years".

We don't discuss things any more, to the extent that he got me to text our music teacher to say we needed to talk about lessons as finances are getting more embarrassing by the week, so we need to cut down/ stop. When he came for the next lesson, expecting a 'talking to', DH asked if he could join in on day 1 of a proposed songwriting workshop costing £150!

Am I really being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
SpringItOn · 07/08/2014 20:55

He's a lazy arrogant pig. Why share your one and only life with a shit like him?

iK8 · 07/08/2014 21:03

He sounds revolting. What's with the ogling teenagers? Is he on a register somewhere or what?

Get rid. From what you've posted he adds nothing to your life.

FrankSaysNo · 07/08/2014 21:07

What are his good points???

Preciousbane · 07/08/2014 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 07/08/2014 21:14

"Ten days later he's dropping hints about sex - including the line 'as long as you put a babydoll over the top half so I don't see'."

OP this is sick, it really is. I feel nauseous. Poor you.

SecretRed · 07/08/2014 21:26

He's a lazy sexist dick. Surely you deserve better.

Finney2 · 07/08/2014 21:39

The babydoll thing is an absolutely fucking disgusting thing to say to your wife who has just had a mastectomy. What an absolute prick.

I'd just cut my losses and kick him out.

Hope you're feeling better soon x

Mucho · 07/08/2014 21:49

He sounds like a waste of skin. Charmless, lazy, misogynistic piece of shit.

I'll help you bury the fucker.

Wedgiebum · 07/08/2014 21:55

I have never been so fucking angry at a thread on here. What an absolute cunt. Please can you kick him in the balls (with trousers on so you can't see....) and kick the fucker out. Seething. Please please do something about this

Saucepanman · 07/08/2014 22:00

The baby doll comment is enough for me to say kick him out. What an absolute arsehole. You do deserve better. I hope your recovery is going well. Stress and anxiety won't help that. Big unMN hugs.

Bustarhymes · 07/08/2014 22:04

Ewwww. You must be exhausted with the surgery, so leave it a couple of weeks and then explain you can't go on living with him. And why.

He is a really horrid little man.

tryingtocatchthewind · 07/08/2014 22:05

Words fail me, what a twat

Wedgiebum · 07/08/2014 22:15

I actually have to hide this thread now because this is your life and you experience this every single day and yet somehow I just sense this is a rant, not a discussion about plans to leave him and I can't bear to read any more. Sorry. Sending you strength.

Agggghast · 07/08/2014 22:17

Just kick him out. I had a mastectomy June 2010 my DH, sadly now deceased, irritated me because he would not let me do anything for months. However in my experience that is the normal male response, I remember we had a huge row because I took the dog out 3 weeks post surgery! Real men step up , take care, your DS sound normal and caring, focus on that. Good luck.

Alligatorpie · 07/08/2014 22:26

OP I hope you have some support somewhere else. I do not usually agree with the LTB threads, but this man is vile. Please think about if you want to spend the rest of your life with him, you are worth so much more.

handcream · 07/08/2014 22:30

I wonder if the OP has any intention of doing anything about her situation. They claim to want to but don't. A close relative had an violent partner, lots of pushing and shoving and tons of verbal abuse.

She covered up for him again and again, her parents were sick with worry, the family spent hours talking about it. In the end we decided that she was the only one who could make the move. We would support her but it was wrecking her families lives and we had to back away.

handcream · 07/08/2014 22:32

Op - why are you with him?

BuggersMuddle · 07/08/2014 22:46

Does he have any redeeming features?

handcream · 07/08/2014 22:51

It's interesting when everyone is asking why she is with someone like this - complete silence.

Patrickstarisabadbellend · 07/08/2014 22:53

Where do you live? I want to come round to your house and slap some sense into this man myself! The twat!

Wantsunshine · 07/08/2014 23:06

Wow shocked at what he says and how he behaves. I hope he can act like a somewhat normal human being around your Dcs so they don't pick up this. I bet he doesn't though. Despicable example.

CarryOn90 · 07/08/2014 23:09

I am speechless at the babydoll comment. You are a survivor of cancer, you are also his wife and he is supposed to love and cherish and respect you always.

He sounds disgusting

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy · 07/08/2014 23:23

Handcream, it can be a lot to take in and OP may well be in bed by now.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/08/2014 23:39

What everyone else said.

Plomino · 07/08/2014 23:49

You know , I read threads on here that make me think , what the actual fuck are people with these arseholes for . Threads about lazy husbands , thoughtless husbands , unfaithful partners , all kinds of outrageous behaviour from all sides .

And then I read this , and actually said " what a complete cunt " loud enough for DH to pause the TV and look at me in complete amazement , because I've never ever used that word out loud . Ever . Words fucking fail me .

Seriously , you need to kick him into touch . Nothing he could say would ever redeem him now , and I would hate to think your DC's would believe this is how to treat a partner ever , let alone one who had undergone major surgery for crying out loud .

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