re - my name

[heythatsnotme]

I have a bit of a complicated name, to say the least. I was named after a family member but my mum didn't really like the name, so although on my birth certificate, passport etc. my first name is X, I have in fact always been known by my middle name Y.

Y is from a different cultural heritage and a lot of people seem to find it immensely difficult to pronounce. They usually just start calling me an 'anglicised' version of the name which unfortunately is one I really do dislike, although it seems to be universally loved on Mumsnet :)

My surname is a variant of a far more common one. As such, it isn't remotely unusual to have to correct people on all three of my names.

The strange thing is, the mispronunciation seems very much limited to where I grew up. As a child, I didn't have the confidence to correct people and so was generally just known by the 'British' version of my name - although people just calling me a random word with the same syllables and the same letter isn't unheard of either. As soon as I moved away people 'got' it immediately.

At any rate, I've recently returned and I really have got to the point where I dread introducing myself as people just keep shouting the wrong name back at me. The circumstances which have brought me back are pretty upsetting ones; I went to see a counsellor but had to stop when she kept calling me the wrong name - it just annoyed me, and made me feel cross.

I really don't know why I am reacting so strongly. I even put the phone down on somebody once as he said 'sorry, I didn't catch your first name' and I just felt too tired and exhausted to go through it all.

Has anyone else with an unusual name experienced this? I know I'm over reacting and am being unreasonable but I am not sure why (why I am reacting in this way I mean.)

I sympathise, I have a Welsh name and live in Wales yet people get it wrong on a daily basis. I now spell my name as soon as I say it when speaking to someone new.

That said, I love my name and wouldn't change it.

I wouldn't change my name either, more because I don't feel I should have to than because of any particular love for the name itself :) I do spell it for people but it's the pronunciation rather than the spelling that leads people into difficulty.

Ironically phonetically the spelling is easy but people assume it is said in a particular way because of the British version of the name.

i can appreciate how annoying that would be and obviously once it has started irritating you, it is difficult to let that go.

I am also sensing that there is maybe more to it than that, in that the name itself has some negative associations for you.

It may not be the easiest or simplist thing to do, but why dont you change your name to something you do like?

You could just change the surname to the more common version and choose a brand new shiny first name :)

People will get used to it.

I have a surname which some adults find difficult to pronounce. Children and teenagers are fine but some adults seem to have a mental block with it.

I think perhaps they have known someone else with a similar name and can't quite take on my (new to them) pronunciation.

No, I think you've misunderstood me slightly. I dislike the 'anglicised' version of my name (the one some people call me) but not my 'real' name, at all.

In any case, it isn't that simple. I'm 32. I have degree certificates, passports, birth certificates, friends, colleagues, a history of 'my' name. Changing your name for a reason such as marriage is one thing but I could not suddenly call myself jane or Mary and expect other people to.

Besides, why should I have to because people don't listen? :) This is the problem I face on a daily basis - it's seem as my fault for having a name that doesn't fit into the brackets of what people are familiar with rather than their fault for not listening or reading properly!

YANBU. My first name is unusual (only ever met two other people with the same name). It can be a shortened version of a longer name, but in my case the shortened version is it, in its entirety It also sounds, especially over the phone, like a much more common name.

When meeting new people for the first time, I have usually had to repeat my name at least once, and when giving my name over the phone I always have to spell it.

The difference between me and you is that people have tended to "get it" once it's been repeated and/or spelt, so I never have to go through the whole process again, as the pronunciation is pretty straightforward. If they didn't "get it", I would probably feel exactly the same way as you do. I went through a phase in my teens of being desperate to change my name, but couldn't decide on a new one so decided to stick with what I was given. Is changing your name not an option for you, given that you sound so unhappy and fed up with it?

I think it's really rude of people to not make more of an effort to get your name right though, and says a lot more about them than it does about you.

Sorry, x-post about the not changing your name bit

Just tell them OP. Nicely, but firmly. Don't respond if they get it wrong.

Bump curious as to what your name is. I live in Wales and know someone with a Welsh name which she spells out before actually properly saying it on the telephone. Wonder if it's the same name, 3 letters long?

people actually correct me on the pronunciation of my surname. if they have it written down in front of them, i tell them who i am, and they repeat it back to me with the pronunciation they think it should be

Petula, I have that a lot.

It's easy to say don't respond, but people really don't get it. This morning I have had phone calls from the estate agents, from a car dealers and from BT. Every single one has cheerfully asked to speak to someone who isn't me. I have politely said 'this is (correct version)' but they carry on. I can say 'sorry, it's (correct name)' but they just don't get it.

It's the same just about everywhere I go now.

I need to let it stop bothering me - as people just aren't getting it - but I don't know how!

I have the same problem. I have an unusual Greek name and 80% of people can't seem to grasp how to say it, even though it's easy

The difference is though, I just ignore it. I can't be arsed correcting people or letting it annoy me for the rest of my life so I just don't bother. It's shit but you just have to put up with it. Some people never get it right no matter how many times you correct them.

I see where you're coming from, but I do think you're being slightly unreasonable sometimes. Especially putting the phone down on someone who didn't catch your name. I think I'm just a bit too laid back about the whole situation though so I may be wrong in my opinion! I think people with more unusual names make more of an effort to get peoples names right as we know how annoying it is being called something totally random. I assume the majority of people with more common names aren't too bothered if they get it wrong as they haven't had to correct people their whole lives, so it's not a big deal to them.

I know - that was unreasonable :) in fairness, I have had a hard time lately and I just felt like crying over that one small thing. I felt as if if I was called by the 'wrong' name one more time that day I would scream!

I have wondered if it's linked to childhood, as I was teased for my name and everybody got it wrong. I didn't have the confidence to keep correcting adults (I can remember being about eleven and being screamed at by a teacher for accidentally breaking something and she kept using my 'not-name' - I sat there rebelliously thinking 's'not me!') but it really does make me feel powerless somehow, as if this thing integral to my identity is brushed aside impatiently and as if having an awkward name somehow makes me awkward.

The sad thing is I can see why my Mum chose it as it's lovely and has a beautiful meaning. It has put me off using anything unusual for my own DCs, though :)

it is rude, because it's like you're not important enough to listen to and get it right

in my case, there is a more common name with one letter difference in spelling and a different pronunciation. if you get the spelling or pronunciation of my actual name right, then the other is logical. but it's like people can't actually see beyond the more common name, even when it is right in front of them! on numerous occasions it means that people have failed to get in touch with me because they have incorrectly typed the email address. their problem, not mine, i try to think, but of course sometimes it really is my problem if i need them to get in touch with me

Yes, that's precisely it Petula, and it's the sheer magnitude of correction I'm going through at the moment that is hard.

When I lived elsewhere, people seemed to get it immediately so while I had the odd occasion of having to correct somebody it was minor. But correcting someone once a week is one thing - correcting people on a daily basis, often several times a day, is a nightmare!

I was at school with a girl called Birgit. I remember being amazed at how difficult the teachers seemed to find it to pronounce her name correctly: she was called Bridget, Beer-geet, Ber-git, etc. Every single student, however, pronounced her name precisely as she had introduced herself to us.

YANBU. It is spectacularly rude not to try to pronounce someone's name as they tell you it is pronounced.

My name is X (very easy to pronounce English name), but there is a similar name Y and I am frequently called Y, especially by people in another country. I used to find it disheartening when my boss of 4 years got it wrong, as did colleagues (they were all in that other country) who knew me for that length of time when they saw it written down all day every day and received emails from me etc. In my most recent job, there was someone called Y and my line manager just called me Y all day every day. YANBU, it's common courtesy to get someone's name right or at least to really make a really good effort.

It's sounds like, OP, you have it much worse than me. Do you ever get arsey about it? I think I would in the situation from this morning and say "Excuse me, I've just explained that is not my name. Why are you persisting?"

How did she say it Friendly? I would definitely pronounce it as one of the wrong examples you've typed instinctively.

Though not if she had actually introduced herself to me.

yes children always get it right

The children I grew up with didn't, although that was probably because no adults did either! :)

Is your name exactly the same spelling as the 'anglicised' version of the name or just similar?

If the spelling is the same then I can understand the confusion for people calling you for example. Though it is rude not to listen when you correct them.

I am also curious when you say it was easier when you lived elsewhere, was that still in the UK or was it a different country?

I really want to know your name now

... please tell us, then name change!

I have a foreign version of an english name, sounds similar, but written differently. I will tell people my name, spell my name (in an email) and bugger me they start an email as XXXXX (english and very plainname). Drives me mad too.

I have an unusualish name - unusual for a woman anyway, which perplexes people so much. The council often write to Mr. Chubby Kitty, despite me telling them numerous times that I am female.

I have been every spelling and pronunciation of my name, and even different names that sounds similar. It's so so wearing.

My area manager emails me and calls me by the very wrong spelling even though the email I JUST sent her has my name spelt correctly.

People spell it wrong on Facebook. Again, it's right there. How are they missing the fact that I know how to spell my own name?

And then there's my surname. I mean really. It's not hard. It's six letters. USE THEM.

I can sympathise OP

Does your name sound close to another wordrhyme with anything? If so maybe you can use the rhyme when you correct them the first time as then it gives them something to remember.

When I say me dd's name the 1st letter tends to be misheard, luckily there is a local river here with that same name, so I always says her name is x like the river and that normally helps people remember the correct version.

You have my sympathies though, I never liked my name growing up as it was too common, but working with people from all over the world has made my appreciate the fact that everyone can pronounce it and everyone immediately knows/guesses that I am female.

No, I have always lived in the uk, but this area is fairly limited insofar as movement is concerned which is, I think, why names outside a certain culture aren't understood.

The spelling is different. Similar, but still different. I tend to be slightly more lenient to a mispronunciation when the name has been seen but not heard - it's the latter that tends to baffle me somewhat!

Chubby, I don't understand that with emails either.

I think this is one of those situations where YANBU at all and it is extremely rude of others not to listen to your name and to persist in calling you something else.

However, it is clearly not just the odd person that is doing this and it seems unlikely that it will change anytime soon.

So I think you must either :

find the energy to take on every single person who gets it wrong by saying something like 'Why are you calling me that? I have told you my name is X.' You would need to be relentless and forceful in this.

or

find a way to let it go and be like FelixFelix Accept that most people will get your name wrong and have the joyful moments when someone does actually get it right.

Both options are extremely annoying when it is entirely reasonable to want people to get your name right. But people can be a bit crap sometimes...