re - my name

[heythatsnotme]

I have a bit of a complicated name, to say the least. I was named after a family member but my mum didn't really like the name, so although on my birth certificate, passport etc. my first name is X, I have in fact always been known by my middle name Y.

Y is from a different cultural heritage and a lot of people seem to find it immensely difficult to pronounce. They usually just start calling me an 'anglicised' version of the name which unfortunately is one I really do dislike, although it seems to be universally loved on Mumsnet :)

My surname is a variant of a far more common one. As such, it isn't remotely unusual to have to correct people on all three of my names.

The strange thing is, the mispronunciation seems very much limited to where I grew up. As a child, I didn't have the confidence to correct people and so was generally just known by the 'British' version of my name - although people just calling me a random word with the same syllables and the same letter isn't unheard of either. As soon as I moved away people 'got' it immediately.

At any rate, I've recently returned and I really have got to the point where I dread introducing myself as people just keep shouting the wrong name back at me. The circumstances which have brought me back are pretty upsetting ones; I went to see a counsellor but had to stop when she kept calling me the wrong name - it just annoyed me, and made me feel cross.

I really don't know why I am reacting so strongly. I even put the phone down on somebody once as he said 'sorry, I didn't catch your first name' and I just felt too tired and exhausted to go through it all.

Has anyone else with an unusual name experienced this? I know I'm over reacting and am being unreasonable but I am not sure why (why I am reacting in this way I mean.)

I have an uncommon first name but a very common surname. I was talking to someone who refused to believe that I spelled my name without an e at the end as he said it was 'more common to add an e' erm nope it's my name and it's actually a word so I know the most common way of spelling it.

Think yourself lucky you don't have a Gaelic name, so many people struggle with them:
Mhairi-pronounced varry (get called Marie, Mary, mairi)
Eilidh-pronounced aillie
Siobhan-pronounced shi-vawn
At least my first name is not unusual in that way.

Oh also no-one pronounces Sian (Shan) correctly either without hearing it.

YAB a bit U, but I sympathize. I had a rude-sounding surname. Almost everyone I've ever met has made a joke about it. Always a minor, one-off, spontaneous comment for them: always the same bloody thing for me, thousands and thousands of time over.

You get tired being good-natured about it, but it's unfair to blow up at any one person when it's the cumulative effect that's driving you mad. (Although sometimes I did let rip. It is a respect thing, isn't it? They wouldn't laugh at or mispronounce your name if you were a short-tempered mafia don.)

From the other point of view, though, sometimes it's so tongue-twistingly hard to get an almost-familiar name right; much harder than a totally new one. I know a Ketty. It takes so much effort not to call her Katie or Kitty. The smaller the difference, the harder it is to retrain yourself.

Unlike everyone else here it seems, I think YABU, or at least your mother was BU.

We all live busy lives. Some people aren't as bright as others. Some have very limited horizons and experience. No one sets out to offend anyone by pronouncing their name incorrectly, but nor do we all have the time (or the inclination) to go to the trouble of figuring out how unusual names are pronounced.

I'm a GP and we have a lot of Polish people on our list. I find it incredibly hard to know how to pronounce their names, even though their names may be the Polish equivalent of Smith and Jones. No doubt they get infuriated with me, but I honestly haven't got time to learn Polish so I can get it right, and if I don't see them often I will forget the next time.

Sadly your parents gave you an unusual name - it happens all the time - and is bizarrely applauded on MN - and you have to accept it or change your name.

But can this please be a lesson to parents-to-be - it may seem fun to give your special baby a whacky name, but in the long run it does them no favours.

I have an unusual name. Luckily, while very few people are actually given the name, it's well known for other reasons. Now, that is.

When I was born (late 60s), the name had hardly ever been heard of in the UK, so I ended up with quite a few variants as a child. But mum was stubborn about making sure people used the correct name because, as she told people, she didn't give me this name for people to use another.

And this actually is not a foreign name, it's a very old English version of a name that ultimately has Greek roots. (Yes, I did look it up eventually )

"I'm a GP and we have a lot of Polish people on our list. I find it incredibly hard to know how to pronounce their names, even though their names may be the Polish equivalent of Smith and Jones. No doubt they get infuriated with me, but I honestly haven't got time to learn Polish so I can get it right, and if I don't see them often I will forget the next time."

I wouldn't expect my GP to remember how to say my name though...but what happens is, going with a Polish name, I come in called Karolina, they call me Caroline, I say it's Karolina actually :) they look at me blankly and go, ok so as I was saying Caroline, I'll only do it 3 times in a row as after that it just becomes painful so I usually end up being called the Caroline name instead and then if it's someone I see every week or so we have that conversation every time I see them and they seem to have no comprehension of why it is I'm making this different noise at them whenever they say my name.

For those that want to know, Birgit pronounced her name Beer-git, with a hard g. She was of Danish extraction.

Thanks Ladybird - I wondered. That raises and interesting question about language and spelling that some other posters have talked about.

In English the IR sound is almost always pronounced as in Fir/ Sir / and we make the connection early in our lives. If you meet an exception and you use it often you will "see" it as a whole unit of meaning/sound but if you don't meet that word/name again for a while your brain will automatically revert to the system.

I would have pronounced it Bir - Git

I will admit to having a mental block over certain names. For example, if someone introduces themselves to me as Laura, I find it hard to remember if they are called Laura/Lauren/Lorna. I don't know why - maybe my age. But I usually cop out and don't actually use their name at all, as I know I can't be sure of getting it right.

I have a surname which consists of 6 letters - 2 syllables, and is said exactly as it is spelt - but you wouldn't think so. The number of times people change the middle letters to call me a much more commonly known local name or add in a letter that's not there at all is unbelievable. It really winds me up when I go in to the bank to pay a cheque in and they call me the incorrect name having misread it from the paying in book as 1) I could be anyone paying in for the person named on the paying in book and 2) I don't value someone pretending to know me when they clearly don't know me at all - because if they did, they'd get my name right.

I just want to know all your 'weird' names. People always spell mine wrong, usually adding an 'e' or doing 'Clare' but they can say it fine

YANBU though, PFB has a name from our cultural background with an anglicised version, think Carlotta to Charlotte, and people just try call her the other name that isn't hers and get uppity when corrected like it's us being out of order for asking them to call the baby by her actual name.

I've never met anyone with my name. No-one has ever heard of it and most people pronounce it incorrectly. I've got to say it's never bothered me. I've just always loved my different name!

MIL still pronounces it incorrectly after 10 years though I suspect this may be on purpose

Laughing is a god reaction. I have a foreign name that people constantly mispronounce and I correct various people on a daily basis. I have work colleagues and good friends who can't say it properly. I have just given up. I try the 'like x-ya but y-ya" to help them remember. What doesn't help is that I pronounce it technically incorrectly myself, in a bid to make it easier to say. Only my dad and granny and a few really special people say it properly. In an odd way, it makes it all the more special.

Have you ever heard the story that gypsies have three names? A secret name their mother whispers in their ear when they're born, a 'wagon' name they're called by just family, and an outsider name that they're known by to everyone else. I've adopted this (rather lovely, IMHO) attitude to my own name. My family get my name right, outsiders can call me their version of my name. Doesn't bother me anymore.

My name is Welsh, pronounced exactly as it is spelled, but people still get it wrong. I've also been told ( a lot) that is it misspelled, should have a 'y' instead of an 'e'. They're wrong, but won't have it!

Jolly I completely understand your points, but my name really is as simple as the example I used - Susan- and still people tell me I cannot be right about what my name is.

Hi

I too have a foreign first name (my mother was Italian) which works better in Italy than here. There is an English (uncommon) version of my name but it is spelt and pronounced differently to the way I pronounce my name in English. If I am telling people my name on the phone there is often a silence as the first syllable sounds like "you" and I think they think I have called them a rude word .

I don't go to Italy very often but when I do I can't believe how easy the telling of my name is. Even odder because I am much more English than Italian.

Add to this the fact that my English surname is an uncommon one, I am forever having to spell both my names. So I sympathise too OP .

Jolly, I do completely understand - I am a teacher and have encountered similar problems. But if I see a name I'm not sure how to say I ask and apologise when/if I do get it wrong.

The example with Caroline/Karolina is more or less what happens to me to a T - they are not my names, though.

Nor is my name a 'whacky' one. It is just French, and really it is rather nice, but people decide it is English! Furthermore, people do become rude and frustrated - I have had, 'Oh, here, you, what's your name, what's her NAME?' (aimed at others in frustration) - my mother died when I was 13 and I'm not going to change the name she gave me. It's a lovely name and has a beautiful meaning. Not whacky :)

Ooh! Is it Genevieve?

I know one girl that pronounces it the french way, and one that doesn't.

I'd get upset if someone kept mispronouncing my name too.

I feel your pain! I have an unusual name, pronounced differently to the commonest way of saying it :( No one gets it right, despite repeated 'it rhymes with' instructions! And it gets embarrassing correcting people again and again and again.

I have started asking people to use a nickname which is the last two syllables of my correct name, but it still doesn't feel like me!

I have a name that is French in origin but pronounced the English way - where I was born it was not common but was not unusual (I knew two others) I moved to another part of the country where a similar name was common but with a different vowel used - so I get called the wrong name all the time (like calling Christine "Christina") It is strange how people's brains just default to what they are used to hearing.

What used to really annoy me was a colleague who shortened my name - I knew she was doing it affectionately but I always use the full name, only my dad and close family and friends call me the short version. I put up with it, not wanting to make a fuss, and thEn realised she was referring to me as the short version in correspondence with other colleagues and clients - even though I always used the full version in meetings and correspondence this spread like wildfire . It then would have been too difficult to undo, so I really wish I'd corrected her. The short verse of my name does not feel like the "professional me" - if that makes sense?

I feel your pain.

I have a relatively well known name which has several famous bearers, however that seems to work against me - one has the same spelling, one the alternate spelling, and one has the modern western spelling and pronunciation. They are all Western variations of the same name, none have the original Arabic pronunciation.

Invariably most people change it to the very very famous modern western spelling/pronunciation. Including my British grandparents! Even though my name clearly begins with a different letter from the modern western version! For example, C instead of S.

Technically, my (Arabic) name should be pronounced in its original form with its dirivitive nicknames, however I don't even use it because it's too much hassle to teach everyone how to pronounce, it's just not a way that most British people's mouths move. My mother's family use the correct (Arabic) name. No one else does.