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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this awful? sleep related aibu

41 replies

BoldBlackCherry · 07/08/2014 11:39

Brief back story - kicked idiot DP out a few months ago, it's been very difficult but slowly he is accepting things and starting to become amicable.

Dd2 has been teething the past week or so. She seems to be getting all her teeth in at once and shes been grumpy and not sleeping well. Usually she's a great sleeper, she's 13 months old.

Last night Exdp text me asking me how she was. I replied saying she wasn't in the best of moods and I anticipated a long night with her.

She was up until 4.30 am, crying, moaning and drifting in and out of sleep. Exdp works nightshift so I sent him a text about 4.30 saying I thought she had finally drifted off and I was heading to bed to catch up on some sleep.

DD1 was up a fair bit with the noise last night and went into my bed about 3am after a few hours of broken sleep.

I woke up this morning to my phone going crazy with texts and calls, the house phone ringing like mad and I woke up confused and scared wondering what was wrong.

DD1 and dd2 were both sound asleep and it was 9.30am.

It was Exdp calling me, absolutely furious that I was still asleep at 9.30 am and neglecting the dcs Hmm

They were sound, we had been up until the early hours but he still thinks I should have been up starting the day at 7am like normal people.

Aibu to think that there is nothing wrong with sleeping late in the morning occasionally if it's been early hours before we got to sleep?

I will admit that the dcs usually wake up about 8.30am on normal days even with a 8pm bedtime, they have always been like that we aren't really early risers but with dd1 starting school in a couple of weeks I have started trying to get up early every morning and set a new routine for us all.

He says he doesn't think I'm looking after them properly because I'm too lazy to get up.

That wasn't the case, I'm exhausted today and to be honest the dcs were asleep so I took the opportunity to catch up on mine.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BoldBlackCherry · 07/08/2014 11:39

Sorry that was much longer than I thought it was going to be because of my rambling!

OP posts:
trikken · 07/08/2014 11:42

Yanbu. Sleep when they do has always been the case here. Mine like to wake me up early but if they did sleep in so would I.

Buttercup27 · 07/08/2014 11:43

Sleep when they sleep isn't just for new born ! I think he's being an arse and just looking for any excuse to criticise. My 8 month old has but up loads last night and kept 2 yr old up to. I'm really looking forward to nap time when I'm off to bed to catch up too !

OldLadyKnowsSomething · 07/08/2014 11:44

What a wanker; your ex, not you. You were all exhausted and catching up on much-needed sleep. If the dc had been up and tearing round the house, it could be said you were being neglectful if you carried on slumbering peacefully, but they weren't (and you'd have woken if they had!).

Work out when he'll be in a deep sleep after his nightshift, and ring repeatedly with some bland comment about teething. See how he likes it.

MrsCosmopilite · 07/08/2014 11:46

YANBU

Did he actually have a reason to call, or was it just to annoy you? Why is it his concern what time you all got up?

We slept in 'til 8 this morning as we've all had a few late nights. I would be livid if someone had disturbed me.

Smoolett · 07/08/2014 11:46

Yanbu. We often do this in our house. Why you would wake a sleeping baby up is beyond me especially when they're tired. Tell him to mind his business

tinkerbellvspredator · 07/08/2014 11:51

Fair enough to reply to his first text, but don't then contact him yourself with updates. Keep him at arms length and do what you want with your kids. He can do it his way on his weekends. Tell him to back off and it's your house your rules. Don't react to this OTT behaviour of his tell him it's not appropriate for him to contact you in this way.

Mabelface · 07/08/2014 11:54

I'd be sending a "how fucking dare you" text, telling him in no uncertain terms about how he doesn't have the right to fucking dictate what you do in your own home.

BoldBlackCherry · 07/08/2014 11:55

The only reason he called was to check I was up.

He thinks anyone who sleeps past 7am is lazy and wastes a day.

I am still exhausted, dd2 has started screaming again and I can see this being yet another long day.

I sent him that text at 4.30 hoping it would stop him from contacting me later in the morning and he would have called and called earlier if I hadn't got in touch.

OP posts:
lizhow14 · 07/08/2014 11:57

What a tosser! Who are these 'normal' people who start the day at 7am.....I must definitely be abnormal! When not at work, I get up when my DD gets up.....somewhere between 7.45-9! YANBU!

FrankSaysNo · 07/08/2014 11:59

Unplug the landline and turn the mobile off.

You two are still living in each others pockets>

I really could not be civil to anyone who woke me up or micromanaged my time the way you allow your Ex to do.

Nanny0gg · 07/08/2014 11:59

Turn off your phone till you get up.

Then put it on silent so you can ignore him.

Nomama · 07/08/2014 12:00

Send him here... our day starts at about 5.30 in the morning... He'll soon find out what losing that last hour of sleep does to you... pillock!

hellsbellsmelons · 07/08/2014 12:02

OMG - stop telling him what's going on.
Unplug your phone when you manage to go to sleep and put your mobile on silent.

Stop engaging with him if he's like this.

Him: How is DD
You: Teething but we're all doing OK

Done!

And when he starts ranting about 7am starts, tell him to fuck the fuck off and hang up on him.
He's an Ex. Why are you giving this any head space at all.
Who gives a tiny rats arse what he thinks?

TarkaTheOtter · 07/08/2014 12:02

He needs to realise that it is none of his business what time you get up.

BoldBlackCherry · 07/08/2014 12:05

I'm going to have to leave it on silent from now on.

I tried that before and it just caused so much aggro. He would go absolutely batshit if I didn't answer my phone and he's still the same now. It's ridiculous and I can't do anything without my phone ringing or being asked what I'm doing.

I'm so pissed off today because I'm shattered, I haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks and I have so much housework to do.

It's not normal to call your ex 10 times a day but he says he's just seeing how the dcs are.

I'm so bloody Angry Angry I'm tempted to wake him up in an hour now he's probably sleeping

OP posts:
TarkaTheOtter · 07/08/2014 12:08

He's harassing you.

Mabelface · 07/08/2014 12:09

No, it's not normal and you can tell him that you won't answer if he continues. Sounds like you need to make firm access arrangements, including phone contact, and tell him to contact you via email only. He needs some boundaries put in place, as he's keeping tabs on you, not how the kids are.

YouTheCat · 07/08/2014 12:10

Give him a set time when he can call to talk about your kids. If he doesn't like it then switch your phone off.

He can go batshit at least you don't have to live with him. Ignore the stupid twat.

Ham69 · 07/08/2014 12:15

The cheek of it! Thank goodness you kicked him out when you did. My DCs are 7 and 5 and I'm thoroughly enjoying my lie ins now it's the holidays and I don't have to do school runs. How can he expect you to look after 2 young children on 2.5 hours sleep. How dare he. I'm fuming for you.

Fairylea · 07/08/2014 12:15

Yanbu. And he's harassing you.

You don't need to answer the phone to him unless it's regarding contact. I actually had a separate phone I used to switch on only on contact days so ex didn't continually text me.

Totally reasonable to all sleep in late when you've all been up half the night.

Fairy13 · 07/08/2014 12:17

I would say. " oh dear. maybe you are right. What time will you be picking them up? I presume you won't be wasting your day despite the night shit? I'll see you in 30 minutes. Thank you so much for your concern."

WHAT.A.DICK.

He is just trying to exhert control over you. Get it back.

longjane · 07/08/2014 12:21

Change phone numbers
Get a new payg phone for ex to contact you on.
Give him a time and day a week.
And that is it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 07/08/2014 12:44

You are going to have to start getting VERY stern with him. How fucking dare he dictate your routine to you?! No wonder he's now an ex - he sounds a complete and utter cock. I would be absolutely indescribably livid if he rang me asking why I wasn't up yet - it has fuck all to do with him and could have woken the kids up which is actually very cruel if they were sleeping in because they'd even up teething etc

This is actually harassment you know. Lay down some ground rukes - I agree with the poster who suggests you get a PAYG just for contact with him and change your other numbers. Then decide which days he is to call you on and tell him you will only speak to them in those days unless it's an emergency.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 07/08/2014 12:45

I meant to say he was trying to control you too. Don't have any of it, OP, he needs to fuck off and stay fucked off.

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